I've been single 14 years and have no friends in real life, at school I had no friends, at college I didn't have any, when I left school I didn't, when I turned 17 I started doing drugs and started going to raves, the drugs gave me confidence and from 1993-2001 I had friends. But then in 2001 I gave up drugs and my so called mates stopped hanging out with me.
Since 2001 i've not had any real life friends and spent virtually 24/7 on my own. I have two kids aged 14 and 15 who live with their mother and stay 2 nights a week, i'm always happy and smiling, I block out the lonliness like it's not there. But i'm 40 years old now and wonder what I have to do to be worth being friends with or worth being with for girls. I get ignored by 99% of people I message and it makes me fel as though i'm living outside a big dome on my own where everyone else is inside and I feel as though i'm not allowed friends or to be treated decent because of my Aspergers.
When I was doing drugs from 1993-2001 I had friends, well at least I thought they were friends, I was confident so had the courage to talk to girls. Nowadays I go places but always on my own and am near enough sompletely socially isolated. I wonder if i'll be able to ever convince people i'm worth being real life friends with and I wonder if any girls will ever think i'm worth talking to or being their boyfriend.
