Published on 12, July, 2020
Post diagnosis, I had a real revelation about my life and about why I struggled so much in so many different ways. I found it both liberating and cathartic to a certain extent.
As a result of a number of more recent events, I find myself questioning why I’m so keen to prove I can manage independently, when there are obvious indicators that I struggle.
What should I do with this Knowledge of diagnosis?
Am I a success as an independent Aspie Adult or a failure? I’m pretty sure I don’t get things wrong all the time, but does make me a Success?
Should I be asking others for help with my life or should I carry on as I always have?
I value my independence, but as the realization dawns that there are some major issues to my independent living, I have to question. How do other independent Aspies live?
Do they have enablers in their life?
Are they reliant on others for assistance in the realms they find difficult?
Or do they relinquish all responsibility to others?
Am I expecting too much of myself and my children to consider holding down a job or wanting to contribute to society? Surely it’s important to have a purpose?
As the roller coaster of life rolls on, I feel I have more questions than answers!
Feeling really lost just now and somewhat like a rabbit in the headlights.
I’ve spent most of my life caring for others, yet I can barely care for myself…………
Hi Coogy
I've been 'mulling over' your post for a few days now - not really knowing if I can help or not!
You sound as though you are at a 'cross-road' in your life- it comes to us all I think, when we have been carers for so long. I refused help for a long time because I felt we could cope and didn't want others interfering (this was pre-full diagnosis for my daughter).I trusted certain people and allowed them in ,but felt bereft when they inevitably moved on.
Of course EVERYBODY , in our 'civilized society', deserves to operate at their full potential and it is despicable that this is not happening- it makes me sad and angry !
I am not far behind you in age and I recently had to admit that I was experiencing 'Carer's Burn-out" - it crept up on me! For the sake of my health and those whom I care for, I had to seek help - but it is on my terms - I like to be in-control! Joining a Carer's Group ,financed by the local authority, I have found a place where I can go and meet others in a similar situation who just need a bit of TLC and a cup of tea/ biscuit - just basics, but they make me feel I am valued. I have met others who are carers and I've realised we are all quite strong in character (we have had to be!). Swopping stories, tips and just listening to each other has been very powerful. My only fear is that I will become too dependent. There is also the danger that it becomes a place to moan and groan and not actually change anything - that I am aware.
I recently attended a 'Caring and Coping' course - just a morning - but it gave me time to reflect about my role and seek other ways of coping. Our trainer didn't have all the answers ,which was rather depressing, but she did give some positive pointers.
Now that the election is over with, we need to keep the pressure up on our MP's - we need to educate and keep chipping away. This takes time (of which we have precious little) and confidence - if we all try then they have to start listening!
Try not to doubt yourself Coogy - difficult I know! X