Vulnerability

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A good point and one I'd already considered actually. I think the transition is very blurred for him, he fights for independance, but without the experience or knowledge of how best to go about things. You have to let them make thier own mistakes in order to learn and grow, but equally he often needs steering. When they don't take advice and come undone due to others misdeeds, it's hard to witness though.

Perhaps repetition of the budgeting book is the key to consolidating it for him. It may not stop the impulsiveness and wanting to please, but it may secure a better understanding of money for him in order that he grasps value and limits.

Thanks for all your posts

coogy

You could perhaps back up the learning process, by making sure that there are some painful consequences for him. Education is good, but if the bank of mum and/or dad actually takes the hit, then it means nothing to him personally.

Someone told me recently, that their nt child took a long time to learn that they had to put moneyinto an account in order to withdraw from a cash machine. It may be your budgeting and finances that he is unable to understand. If you can always eke out the money, and cover his mistakes, then he may think it is ok.

He may think that the budgeting training is something for the future, when he is independant. Right now, if he always has a roof over his head and warmth and food, all his needs are being met, and he is not independant. (I obviously do not know your personal arrangements, the last sentence is more of a metaphore for life than intended litterally.)

Hi Dr3m3r,

I hear you loud and clear. Because ASD is a hidden disability and the child is more than likely quite bright, friends just don’t get it. I always find comments like "he does not have Aspergers, there is nothing wrong with him" really unhelpful and if the truth were known, also very damaging because I began to doubt myself in the end! I’m not a very assertive individual myself and have been bullied into delaying things by Schools and so-called Experts, but as I also have ASD myself, I could see something wasn’t quite right.

I Always think It’s a double edged sword that. Being a ASD parent, of children with ASD, I mean. The plus is that you understand because you’ve probably experienced being taken advantage of,  yourself. The minus being watching them go through it.

Like your son, mine won’t listen to me either. He prefers the advice of third parties, which is fine, because if they have half a brain cell between them, they come up with the same advice anyway. However, when it’s someone of ill-intent he normally gets advice that either empties his bank account or puts him compromising situations. And naturally, when warned by a parent that a certain individual is not who they think they are and is likely to lead them down the wrong path he ignores you, insisting they are fine until they steal his mobile phone and his delusion becomes evident for all to see. It must be soul destroying for him.

Re his bank accounts, I have had to do the same, so that his ‘friends’ can’t get their hands on it, He even has picture cards so he can differentiate between the accounts at a glance. I don’t keep his money from him, I divert his money into his appropriate accounts to meet his bills and then he has his personal allowance to play with, but this time he emptied all the accounts because his own one was emptied within a day!

I’ve been through the NAS money workbook with him, but I guess he’ll need to do it again. I asked our local autism hub for some time, to run a course on Money management and they set up a CAB money management two part course for him. He sat the first and was about to sit the second when funding was cut and it was cancelled. They’ve now set up a new course, but with a shed load of other subjects in it that he’s already been through on his ASDAN course or with tutelage at home, so he’s refused to go.

I do fear for his future, because it’s the parents that have to pick up the pieces when things go wrong. Financially, we just can’t afford any additional expense right now. Hay-ho. That’s just life with children with ASD isn’t it. We have to think of ever more strategies to cope with each crisis as they present themselves.

Thanks for your kind words incidentally, like you say, sometimes we just need to vent our spleen when things become too overwhelming.

He spent money that he knew was set aside for something else, because he's found a new 'friend.' 

He's so in awe when someone dains to call him a 'friend' that he gets caught up in the moment and becomes over generous with his money to his own detriment. It's frivolous stuff too. Burgers etc. I guess I should be grateful in many respects, it could be worse, but he has no concept of value and no memory of what he's spent it on.

This means he has to borrow money to live, with no means of paying it back in a timely manner and others have to go without. Very stressful, very distressng, but a common problem of those on the spectrum who cannot see that 'friends' take advantage in the worst possible way.

I'm going to have to take his card away I think. Remove the temptation and the ability for these 'friends' to bleed him dry :( I'm so stressed by it all, I truely want him to gain more independance, but it's getting tougher by the day.

:(

Most things are obvious with the benefit of hind sight and most people go through life occasionally kicking themselves for missing what later seams obvious. 

Do you want to share what happened? It may help someone avoid a similar situation.