Vulnerability

Hi Dr3m3r,

I hear you loud and clear. Because ASD is a hidden disability and the child is more than likely quite bright, friends just don’t get it. I always find comments like "he does not have Aspergers, there is nothing wrong with him" really unhelpful and if the truth were known, also very damaging because I began to doubt myself in the end! I’m not a very assertive individual myself and have been bullied into delaying things by Schools and so-called Experts, but as I also have ASD myself, I could see something wasn’t quite right.

I Always think It’s a double edged sword that. Being a ASD parent, of children with ASD, I mean. The plus is that you understand because you’ve probably experienced being taken advantage of,  yourself. The minus being watching them go through it.

Like your son, mine won’t listen to me either. He prefers the advice of third parties, which is fine, because if they have half a brain cell between them, they come up with the same advice anyway. However, when it’s someone of ill-intent he normally gets advice that either empties his bank account or puts him compromising situations. And naturally, when warned by a parent that a certain individual is not who they think they are and is likely to lead them down the wrong path he ignores you, insisting they are fine until they steal his mobile phone and his delusion becomes evident for all to see. It must be soul destroying for him.

Re his bank accounts, I have had to do the same, so that his ‘friends’ can’t get their hands on it, He even has picture cards so he can differentiate between the accounts at a glance. I don’t keep his money from him, I divert his money into his appropriate accounts to meet his bills and then he has his personal allowance to play with, but this time he emptied all the accounts because his own one was emptied within a day!

I’ve been through the NAS money workbook with him, but I guess he’ll need to do it again. I asked our local autism hub for some time, to run a course on Money management and they set up a CAB money management two part course for him. He sat the first and was about to sit the second when funding was cut and it was cancelled. They’ve now set up a new course, but with a shed load of other subjects in it that he’s already been through on his ASDAN course or with tutelage at home, so he’s refused to go.

I do fear for his future, because it’s the parents that have to pick up the pieces when things go wrong. Financially, we just can’t afford any additional expense right now. Hay-ho. That’s just life with children with ASD isn’t it. We have to think of ever more strategies to cope with each crisis as they present themselves.

Thanks for your kind words incidentally, like you say, sometimes we just need to vent our spleen when things become too overwhelming.

Hi Dr3m3r,

I hear you loud and clear. Because ASD is a hidden disability and the child is more than likely quite bright, friends just don’t get it. I always find comments like "he does not have Aspergers, there is nothing wrong with him" really unhelpful and if the truth were known, also very damaging because I began to doubt myself in the end! I’m not a very assertive individual myself and have been bullied into delaying things by Schools and so-called Experts, but as I also have ASD myself, I could see something wasn’t quite right.

I Always think It’s a double edged sword that. Being a ASD parent, of children with ASD, I mean. The plus is that you understand because you’ve probably experienced being taken advantage of,  yourself. The minus being watching them go through it.

Like your son, mine won’t listen to me either. He prefers the advice of third parties, which is fine, because if they have half a brain cell between them, they come up with the same advice anyway. However, when it’s someone of ill-intent he normally gets advice that either empties his bank account or puts him compromising situations. And naturally, when warned by a parent that a certain individual is not who they think they are and is likely to lead them down the wrong path he ignores you, insisting they are fine until they steal his mobile phone and his delusion becomes evident for all to see. It must be soul destroying for him.

Re his bank accounts, I have had to do the same, so that his ‘friends’ can’t get their hands on it, He even has picture cards so he can differentiate between the accounts at a glance. I don’t keep his money from him, I divert his money into his appropriate accounts to meet his bills and then he has his personal allowance to play with, but this time he emptied all the accounts because his own one was emptied within a day!

I’ve been through the NAS money workbook with him, but I guess he’ll need to do it again. I asked our local autism hub for some time, to run a course on Money management and they set up a CAB money management two part course for him. He sat the first and was about to sit the second when funding was cut and it was cancelled. They’ve now set up a new course, but with a shed load of other subjects in it that he’s already been through on his ASDAN course or with tutelage at home, so he’s refused to go.

I do fear for his future, because it’s the parents that have to pick up the pieces when things go wrong. Financially, we just can’t afford any additional expense right now. Hay-ho. That’s just life with children with ASD isn’t it. We have to think of ever more strategies to cope with each crisis as they present themselves.

Thanks for your kind words incidentally, like you say, sometimes we just need to vent our spleen when things become too overwhelming.