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Deeply lonely but unable to speak to people

Rach.Mo

Hi,

I’m feeling really distressed at the moment. I feel like I am unable to have conversations with people in the way that others do… I have nothing to say. I think this has always been a problem for me but is probably even worse than normal at the moment because I am burnt out and depressed… but I feel deeply lonely. I think I have always been in my own little bubble of hyper fixating on things especially people-pleasing and so have been oblivious to the things other people are interested in… music, tv shows, what’s going on in the world etc… and I therefore have nothing really to talk about. I find watching tv and reading and listening to the radio too painful at the moment as it just highlights to me the conversations and relationships that others have that I feel I don’t. I’m trying to work out the solution constantly in my head to not being able to speak to people but not being able to take an interest in things that would give me more to talk about… just wondering if anyone can relate to this and has any suggestions? 

  • Rach.Mo said:
    I feel like I am unable to have conversations with people in the way that others do…

    Welcome to the tribe, as we are mostly like this!! Look at it like this - others might not share your enthusiasms and intellect [both of which you have not yet discovered]. That's their problem to sort out, not yours.These 'higher' [so called] animals called 'people' are actually fascinating, but like any subject you need to set yourself a course of study.

    The subject is called anthropology. There is a useful book for lay readers called 'Manwatching', by Desmond Morris {RIP}. It's very cheap as it was published in 1978. Also, try his other books, The Naked Ape and The Human Zoo. By the time you've read these, you will be happily sitting in oudoor cafes watching the antics of this fascinating species. One or two might even talk to you!

  • Yeah, I can relate. To not been able to have "normal" conversations or even initiate one. Been totally out of the loop in regards to what is currently "in". Watching said things that are in and feeling depressed because every character seems to have a friendship or relationship you'd snap a hand off for. And yeah, wanting a connection but feeling genuinely incapable of making one, like sticking a European plug into an American socket, it just won't work no matter how much you try. 

    The only solace I've found are my own special interests that are held only be my in my friendship group/family (that way they don't remind me of others). I've kind of gave up with irl friendships due to the simple fact I am too autistic at face value to be 1. accepted, or 2. be accepted and not in a way that is pitying or infantilizing. At least online I can curate myself to look more neurotypical. Anyway, sorry I'm not of more help. Hope you have a nice day!

  • Well done for being brave enough to talk about this. There is some good advice below, but I would say: Keep on trying, be kind to yourself, and remember that lots of people - many neurotrypical people - feel like this too. It is sad that so many people feel this way; but it helps to know you’re not on your own, and that there are plenty of people looking for connection, just like you.

  • Hello Rach Mo.

    I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing a great deal of distress at the moment - this is not something that you deserve to feel in the slightest… It can be very difficult when it feels as though our life should be something that it currently isn’t - I have personally found this to be an issue in my life.

    While I know that our community will have fantastic replies to give, I would like to share NAS resources relating to Burnout, Depression, and managing relationships:

    Understanding autistic burnout

    Depression

    Making friends

    In addition, it may be worth checking out the Autism Services Directory, should you wish to search for opportunities near to you:

    Autism Services Directory

    With everything being Said - you are an important part of our community, regardless of who you are, and what you might currently be experiencing - you have every right to be here.

    Thanks - Zac mod.