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Deeply lonely but unable to speak to people

Rach.Mo

Hi,

I’m feeling really distressed at the moment. I feel like I am unable to have conversations with people in the way that others do… I have nothing to say. I think this has always been a problem for me but is probably even worse than normal at the moment because I am burnt out and depressed… but I feel deeply lonely. I think I have always been in my own little bubble of hyper fixating on things especially people-pleasing and so have been oblivious to the things other people are interested in… music, tv shows, what’s going on in the world etc… and I therefore have nothing really to talk about. I find watching tv and reading and listening to the radio too painful at the moment as it just highlights to me the conversations and relationships that others have that I feel I don’t. I’m trying to work out the solution constantly in my head to not being able to speak to people but not being able to take an interest in things that would give me more to talk about… just wondering if anyone can relate to this and has any suggestions? 

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  • Rach.Mo said:
    I feel like I am unable to have conversations with people in the way that others do…

    Welcome to the tribe, as we are mostly like this!! Look at it like this - others might not share your enthusiasms and intellect [both of which you have not yet discovered]. That's their problem to sort out, not yours.These 'higher' [so called] animals called 'people' are actually fascinating, but like any subject you need to set yourself a course of study.

    The subject is called anthropology. There is a useful book for lay readers called 'Manwatching', by Desmond Morris {RIP}. It's very cheap as it was published in 1978. Also, try his other books, The Naked Ape and The Human Zoo.

    By the time you've read these, you will be happily sitting in oudoor cafes watching the antics of this fascinating species. One or two might even talk to you! If they do, remember these are primitive people so keep to basic topics like, the weather, food, football, or travel. treat them as you would kids or pets, giving rewards like smiles or nods and they'll keep talking once they warm to their subject. They are like wind-up dolls that move on auto pilot once they get going, until their battery runs out. Then you can make an excuse and leave and they will think you are a nice person for listening, and you can add a bit of knowledge to your study notes for anthropology. See, a bit like us really!

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  • Rach.Mo said:
    I feel like I am unable to have conversations with people in the way that others do…

    Welcome to the tribe, as we are mostly like this!! Look at it like this - others might not share your enthusiasms and intellect [both of which you have not yet discovered]. That's their problem to sort out, not yours.These 'higher' [so called] animals called 'people' are actually fascinating, but like any subject you need to set yourself a course of study.

    The subject is called anthropology. There is a useful book for lay readers called 'Manwatching', by Desmond Morris {RIP}. It's very cheap as it was published in 1978. Also, try his other books, The Naked Ape and The Human Zoo.

    By the time you've read these, you will be happily sitting in oudoor cafes watching the antics of this fascinating species. One or two might even talk to you! If they do, remember these are primitive people so keep to basic topics like, the weather, food, football, or travel. treat them as you would kids or pets, giving rewards like smiles or nods and they'll keep talking once they warm to their subject. They are like wind-up dolls that move on auto pilot once they get going, until their battery runs out. Then you can make an excuse and leave and they will think you are a nice person for listening, and you can add a bit of knowledge to your study notes for anthropology. See, a bit like us really!

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