Is getting on extremely really well with people waaay younger than you a common thing with aspies?

Exactly what i was going to say. So much so, my son is going to do child care at college

I generally get on with people older and those near my age.

It's really hard to say: I find as someone who's really into video-games and related forums as a 47-year-old, an awful lot of my acquaintances are half my age or less.  But I guess that's just the demographic, even though I remember everyone playing video games when I was a kid too.  Maybe they just moved on, or maybe I didn't grow up, or maybe it's just my particular interest.  I do kinda like being juvenile and irresponsible, though. :D  Not so much when some kid on a games forum refers to me as "grandma"!

Then again, similar to MichaelaS, when I was younger (in this case, 20, in my first job) I enjoyed spending a lot of time with people who were twice my age: I guess in part because they comprised the majority of other people there, but I think I enjoyed their different life experiences and outlooks.

Same here - as a child I preferred the company of adults, they were more interesting and lookign back they would do things my way (talk about what I wanted to discuss, play the games I wanted to play) so the social side was easier.

Now as an adult I find younger people easier.  I feel a bit of a fraud as an adult really, like i'm acting being one but am not really one.  imposter syndrome. As DavidGolf says, i think it is the expectation of behaving a certain way - which is lower when you're with someone of a different age group.

I've always enjoyed being a student - i.e. learning from someone more knowledgable than me.  Now i'm an adult I also enjoy teaching - i.e. coaching someone less knowledgable than me about a topic we both have interest in.  At work I prefer to be the expert in something, to have a niche.  I think its a confidence thing, and also an aspie trait that if i'm interested in a topic I am REALLY interested in it and learn a lot faster than an NT person - so I tend to build narrow but deep subject matter expertise.

It actually works very well in my chosen career, lucky I fell on my feet somehow.

This is quite normal amongst Aspies. It's easier with younger or older than with your own peers, due to the pressure of trying to fit in with those your own age.

If you are with younger or older, then they do not expect you to act  like them, and vice-versa.

Hands up who feel uncomfortable around those your own age? I bet you feel completely out of place if it becomes a group scenario  with people your age range, and think about how to get away at the earliest opportunity.

This is  how I feel, nearly all the time.

It's rather interesting reading some of these comments.

I have always got on better with people at least 15 years older than me. I'm normally hopeless with children but I have an 8 year old honourary nephew who's the salt of the earth. I've realised that I associate people my own age with school bullying even though I am way past school age now.

One person at work then pointed out to me that as regards men, I am attracted to much older men who are in positions of power. It had been a very subconcious thing until it was pointed out to me.

As a child, I got on better with adults than children, because we could talk about my interests on a more equal footing. Children in groups scare me because of my experience of bullying. I can settle into playing toy soldiers or doing jigsaws with younger relatives, but I think I tend to expect children to be more the way I was as a child. I've often tended to have friends who are older. Shared interests are the key.

That’s an interesting topic indeed. Speaking for myself, I never really had friends of the same age. They were either much younger or much older. I’m 38 now and one of my closest friends is 67 for example. Other people I get on well with are mostly in their early thirties or mid-forties. And last year I got in contact with a 17-year-old guy who has Asperger’s as well and we have amazing conversations about life and everything. So I guess I feel most comfortable with people out of my age range for some reason. 

I have aquaintances of all ages, say 21 to 75.

Tania Marshal highlights having much younger friends as a female aspie trait. Could be male too. Perhaps because we are unlikely to have close friends, we have a more eclectic range of friends.

I don't don't get on with children per se.  But I tend to communicate better with adults, especially with adults older than myself. 

This is an interesting topic-

when i was 15/16 in foster care, i spent a lot of time with my 9 year old brother and his same aged friend- i played computer games with them, marbles and we created fictional games that had rules (i guess like Real-Life- RPG sort of thing)- and i didnt think much of it as long it was just us, as usually was indoors- when others were around i didnt do anything with them as i felt a little embarrassed and more wanted to fit it with others- but i wasnt around the others often enough for that to happen. I also remember that i came across an amazing anime series that was on the SKy television that got me hooked, so i had that in common with my brother and his friend.

ONly when my behaviour was pointed out in a social work meeting, ie hanging out with two younger people, did i feel a great deal of humiliation and a bit of confusion too- it wasnt done in a nasty way, but also wasn't done to spare my feelings too much either. They saw it as me trying to "re-capture" my childhood, as from the age of 10 onward, a lot of very negative things happened at home, and in a way i was forced to become a "Dad" to my younger siblings as our parents stopped being parents- Selfish needs pretty much- why we ended up in social work care after years of lack of care.

So this recapturing they believed was me. on a subconscious level, reverting back to when i was 10 years old, trying to recapture those lost years- and since i didnt have any real social life or friends at school that i hanged around with on a normal basis (to be fair, when i was in Foster Care tho, i lived 12 miles from the town i went to school to- and the reason they didnt change schools is because they didnt want to disrupt my education transferring to a new school)-

So bringing this up in the meeting, as much as i felt humilated, they said they wanted to help me meet with people my own age and socialise me more, get me out of the house so to speak- was just all talk though as none of the ideas put forward came to fruition.

I think this was another reason why i wasnt diagnosed with AS even at this time- it was greatly shadowed with my background and circumstance- i hung around with my brother and his friend, because that was all that round me and i was familiar with- i lived in a town 12 miles away from where i went to education, so none of the few friends i did have even lived there.

This topic though has made me realise that maybe there was more to it than there seemed. Its not something i would do now, due to being a different circumstance, social norms and its just not something id be interested in as i have no need to. My interests tho are often not matched, and not on the same scale as myself.. so i do struggle immensley talking to people of similair age, as people dont like what i like talking about for longer than 15 seconds- even guys who are 10 years younger than me now, i have nothing in common with and often what i hear them talk about makes me cringe an switch off (ie football, going out to the clubs, "pulling this bird, that bird", he/she is this or that, ive got this car/ ipad/ App.. blah blah blah)-

LivAgain= Quote="Children can be very intimidating and "cliquey"." - i find this to be the case with people no matter the age or sex. I hate people that are clique and go figure, most people become that way or just are that way- people do this to fit in and have an easy life- ive met people in a work place enviroment who are neutral and friendly enough when i first meet them (always they are a new worker)- with in a month of that person being in the work place, and being forced to socialise with people because of the team-based jobs at work that "New Person" sticks their nose up in the air at me now, and joins in with the "clique" when it comes to comments and even makes a few themselves- just for laughs.

It's very common for people on the autistic spectrum to have friends who are completely different ages than themselves.  It's society that really portrays the image that you need friends your own age.  I suppose it does help to growing up to have friends your own age to learn social skills, but when socialising doesn't make sense to you I suppose it doesn't really matter.  you're just going to choose who you feel most comfortable socialising with.

I'm female and 27, and where I used to live there were two girls who lived in the building downstairs and they were 10 and 7, and I got on really well with them.  My other female friends are in their late 40s.  I choose people because of their personality and interests, and females my age don't really share that with me.  The only people my age I get along with are male.

Over time I've realised it probably doesn't look socially appropriate, and it seems to be worse for guys than it is for girls.  I could go round to a 10 year old girls house and play computer games with them and no one would say anything, but if it was a guy doing the same it seems to be accepted different in society.

I do sometimes wish I could have close friends my own age, but with the way my brain works I know it's just not possible.  Also, I agree, females my age tend to bore me.  All the want to talk about is TV or music, and I'm here wanting to talk about how gemstones are formed and the geology of igneous rocks!

I'm just greatful that my partner, who is a couple of years older than me, totally gets me and will listen to me and my talks on gemstones (even though he doesn't really take it in, I don't blame him though :)  )  

I have no idea what to do with them. I don't know what to say or how to act, what's age appropriate behaviour towards them (like what mental level they are at) and yeah, I find them oddly scary in that way because the whole situation is alien and not under my control.

Children can be very intimidating and "cliquey". They freak me out sometimes, too! Is that why you find them hard to read, Pandoren?

Funnily enough I'm the opposite, I'm 26 and I don't understand children at all. I can only speak to adults.

Hotel california said:

My son's have always got on better with younger children and adults.  Children their own age has always been problematic.

That's so interesting; I'm exactly the same! (At least, I was until recently - over the past year or so I've got a lot more comfortable with interacting with people of my own age. Perhaps it's because we're all hitting eighteen and becoming young adults now; I don't know). 

My son's have always got on better with younger children and adults.  Children their own age has always been problematic.

I thinkplaying with younger children makes them feel safe as younger children don't tend to challenge their authority and look up to them.  They like to follow rules and my son's revel in organising the younger ones.

My son's prefer to talk to adults as they respect their knowledge.  They also find the adults to be more accommodating and tend not to talk about relationships which can be confusing for those with asc.

I think that aspies sometimes grow up more slowly than other people. If you aren't great at communicating then you will miss a lot of messages that basically tell us what to do and how to react as an adult. It sounds like you are avoiding contact with adults as it's hard and that you are finding it easy to communicate with less mature people.

One of the ways i think about this is that real life is a bit like a video game. You have to practice and work at it to understand the rules. As an aspie you have work harder at it and study harder to understand it. do you think this is a good way to think? Do you think you can tackle life in the same way that you would a video game? Do you think you can figure out how to get to the next level? In this case the next level might be practicing to be able to talk to adults in the same way that you can talk to your cousins.