Conflicted about work

Thank you for the feedback.

At least the evening work dilemma is no longer present.

Well done though for getting as far as you have.

I hope it isn't too disappointing.

The main issue is what you learnt from the experience. I assume a clearer CV and a better focus on what you want to do, plus the desire to try and achieve it.

Well done for getting to the second part! 

It's lovely you get a good telephone call with HR

Okay, conclusion for all y’all wondering. I didn’t get the job, but I got a nice telephone call by the HR director telling me that I was a good candidate. Apparently there was a massive amount of people going for the job, so the fact I got to the second interview was actually surprising. Good news is I’m going to keep my eyes on this business and see if another position I could fit into ever comes up.

Best of luck with it all.

Well done! Good luck for the second 

Second interview incoming! We don’t have a time set yet, but it is with two senior members of the business, so it’s going to be a tough one. Apparently only a “handful” made it to second interviews. My wife seems a little more okay with it when I talked to her about it last night.

Update: I have told my boss. She is pretty upset about it lol. She says that she has foreseen a future where I am a manager over the position I’m currently in. Besides that, she did offer to adjust my hours if I want to spend more time with my family. That’s not really going to work in my circumstance, though. HOWEVER! She did mention I might be able to work part time for a while until they find a replacement for me if the potential job works out. Then I can fade out as a new person comes on, so we don’t lose clientele. I think that might work well, but we’ll see.

good luck! 

Interview tomorrow! My wife is mostly against it (she doesn’t like that I’d be gone Tues/Thurs nights, rightfully so), but she figured out that we can plan out at least our fall to make that schedule work. We do have a lot of support from family in my area, so we should be fine. We’ll see if they’ll accept me!

Hey so I’m really, really appreciative of the many viewpoints y’all have provided. This thread has been a massive help in thinking this thing through thoroughly.

I finally got a call from the prospective job’s HR. Turns out I’d actually get paid a bit more, benefits are fantastic, and that weeknight thing? Two week nights are required (Tues/Thurs) and I can choose to take my other two shifts whenever I want. One problem is that there is a vacancy for the position above the one I’m applying for, so I might not have a direct boss right away if I take the job. That might make the job a little awkward starting out lol.

Overall though? It sounds perfect. I want to take it, but my wife’s standpoint is really what’s important now.

This is what I was trying to hint at. If you find it hard being the middle man just on jobs, what if you get involved in far more. Does the job cover relationship or emotional guidance, abuse, counselling advice, housing, STIs, employment, rights, discrimination guidance, etc?

This provides many more areas for stress. This is why I can imagine professional boundaries are important. 

But it may just be handing out pre-prepared leaflets with information. Which is why I mentioned finding out about the exact scope and responsibilities. It is hard to tell.

You need to consider yourself. You don't want to end up overwhelmed. But you could also be ideal. I can't tell, I don't know your abilities. Pushing yourself a bit is how you grow.

The fact you are asking here makes me think you are nervous about it.  The only way to know is to go and talk to them.

Stuart333 said:

Helping people is rewarding. Bring unable to help or stuck on the middle is frustrating. Having responsibility without empowerment is the definition of stress.

Which is exactly why I find my current job so hard. I can’t control the job market, so some of my clients get jobs right away while others have to wait excruciating months. I take the latter very personally, though I try not to.

Honestly? It sounds like you’d be able to do my job very well. Yeah, having a lot of empathy can be a hard thing to deal with in this line of work, but you absolutely need empathy to be successful in what I do.

This is when I would consult ai to go through all the options. Stability is more important, as a career change shouldn’t feel like a major change or adapting becomes too hard.

Put aside the money, even if it were loads more you quickly get used to it. The issue is really whether the reward will outweigh the hassle on the bad days. Helping people is rewarding. Bring unable to help or stuck on the middle is frustrating. Having responsibility without empowerment is the definition of stress.

On the plus side being able to relate to how people feel can be helpful. But they can lean on you. Maintaining professional boundaries and not getting involved is hard. It pulls you apart. Particularly if you have lots of empathy. I couldn't do it, it causes me problems. I wouldn't want to let people down. But I don't understand what the role entails 

Perhaps you know this. Maybe the problems are mostly mundane housing, financial and other routine everyday issues. But if the intense stuff is frequent it would be hard to avoid getting invested or becoming a bit cold.

I'd also look at the other people who you would be with. They are the ones who could support you. Are they happy or fried.

profdanger said:

I imagine I’ll have difficulty telling my far right family members that I help LGBTQ+ folk lol

If they can't accept you're in a job you like it's their fault - I'd say don't think about what family members think, if the job is more suitable for you then go for it!

Stuart333 said:

The fact you are looking and considering it at all shows you are not really happy with your current position

Yeah… I wouldn’t say I’m 100% happy with the job. I don’t like the uncertainty of whether one of my clients will go off or call me after hours. But otherwise I feel like I’m doing a good job and I feel like an important member of the company. I also enjoy helping people that need help. So yeah… it’s tough to say but I am a little unhappy with my current job.

Stuart333 said:

Same money for less work sounds ideal, but is there a reason?

EXACTLY what I was wondering. I know I might have to deal with suicidal people (which I have attempted before so I feel prepared for that), so I know there’s potential for drama and intense conversations. But yeah, why is it paying $5.5 more per hour than my current position? Maybe I am really underpaid?

Stuart333 said:

I'd make sure you fully understand what the new role requires and what the responsibilities are.

Do what you think will be the most fulfilling, which is basically the one that is easiest to get out of bed for in the morning and the one you would be happiest to tell other people about.

This is packed with good advice, thank you. Easiest to get out of bed? Probably the new job. Happiest to tell others about? Probably my current job. I imagine I’ll have difficulty telling my far right family members that I help LGBTQ+ folk lol.

Wow, there’s a lot to unpack here lol

Iain said:

I found that having a zero tolerance policy to this helps - when it starts then cut them off and walk away. Don't hold a grudge over it but make it clear you will not be swayed by bad behaviour.

Sometimes the behaviors aren’t really their fault (ex. dementia). For some of our consumers what you advise is what we are supposed to do, but others need a little more tlc in order to stabilize.

Iain said:

Any workplace will support your safety and wellbeing over this.

As for my safety, I’m well-trained to deal with the behaviors by the company, so they’re not just throwing me into these tough situations without any help. I also have a great team I trust to back me up if I’m ever stuck in a situation.

Iain said:

You may find that the groups you are not a part of may have some people who will have trouble giving you credibility, saying the likes of "you can't understand if you haven't lived our experience" - consider how you will respond to this and gain their confidence.

Excellent point, and I have considered this. I do have experience working with LGBTQ+, including a trans man that went to a highly conservative school and I currently have a young homosexual man I work with. So I’m not completely in the dark about their struggles and experiences. But yeah, I present heterosexual, so I can imagine there will be some that will say I don’t belong there. I’m ready for that.

Iain said:

I think you have a lot to gain by telling your existing employer that you have the offer

I haven’t gotten an offer yet, just to be a little more clear. But yeah, I’m still debating whether to tell my boss. I’ve already talked with my HR and she’s pretty supportive of whichever decision I make. I would be surprised if my current job made an offer to keep me on, though.

Iain said:

could build tensions at home where you are leaving your partner alone in the evenings so much

Yeah, that’s the core reason why I’ll probably stay with my current job. She’s also a little disappointed that I’m going for a job with a net pay similar to my current pay, instead of one that pays more. I get that.

I appreciate your perspective, Iain!

The fact you are looking and considering it at all shows you are not really happy with your current position. A 3 day weekend is cool and gives rune to recover. Whenever I take days off and do 4 day weeks I always feel better 

Same money for less work sounds ideal, but is there a reason? Is it intense on the other days? I expect you may have just as much emotional content. I would think there will be more topics and behaviours to cover than just employment.

I'd make sure you fully understand what the new role requires and what the responsibilities are.

Do what you think will be the most fulfilling, which is basically the one that is easiest to get out of bed for in the morning and the one you would be happiest to tell other people about.

profdanger said:

Cons: Sometimes I deal with intense behaviors (ex. shouting, punching, etc),

I found that having a zero tolerance policy to this helps - when it starts then cut them off and walk away. Don't hold a grudge over it but make it clear you will not be swayed by bad behaviour.

Any workplace will support your safety and wellbeing over this.

profdanger said:

LGBTQ+ CLIENT SPECIALIST

You may find that the groups you are not a part of may have some people who will have trouble giving you credibility, saying the likes of "you can't understand if you haven't lived our experience" - consider how you will respond to this and gain their confidence.

Looking at the pros and cons overall, I think you have a lot to gain by telling your existing employer that you have the offer, point out the elements that swayed your decision and what I would do in your shoes is ask if they can come close to matching to see if they will ask me to stay.

The new job sounds like it has a lot of potential to eat into your time more than the core hours and could build tensions at home where you are leaving your partner alone in the evenings so much. This is just my perspective - it is a new group you may have issues bonding with with stresses of more travel, additional pressures of planning events and the guilt of leaving a job where you are an important part of the teams success.

Sometimes the grass is not really greener on the other side of the fence, it is just fresh paint.

Good luck with whatever decision you reach in the end.