Just been diagnosed and feeling sad - what support can I get?

Thanks Chloe :)

SWAN is a female autism group. 

Hello flohusband93 

Thank you for sharing this with the Community. I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a difficult time coping with your diagnosis and other areas of your life. It's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed.

Our website has a diagnosis hub, this includes information, practical and multimedia resources to support autistic people and their families after diagnosis. You may want to visit the other resources on our website, we have advice and guidance on a wide range of information about autism, socialising and relationships, communication and education: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance

You can try searching on our Autism Services Directory https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory for diagnostic services in your local area. The Directory also includes listings for support and social groups for autistic people, their families and friends.

We have information and advice on applying for a job, tips for interacting and coping at work, advice on dealing with bullying in the workplace and what the law says about your rights at work: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment

You can also find our free online ‘Finding Employment’ module on our website: https://www.autismonlinetraining.com/

This module is designed to help autistic job seekers entering the job market understand their strengths and what next steps they could take towards gaining meaningful employment or work. Evenbreak matches disabled job seekers with employers to build a diverse workforce. You can visit the Evenbreak website for listed job vacancies: https://www.evenbreak.co.uk/ The British Association of Supported Employment has a database of supported employment agencies, so you can search for one in your local area: https://www.base-uk.org/home

Maximus offer a range of employability programmes throughout the UK, including, programmes for disabled people who are struggling to find work: https://www.maximusuk.co.uk/ The National Autistic Society employment and volunteering opportunities are updated frequently. We particularly welcome applications from autistic people.

If you are interested in counselling (NHS & private), you may like to have a look at the Autism Services Directory: https://www.autism.org.uk/directory  under ‘Health & Counsellors’. This guide produced by the National Autistic Society may be of interest. 

Please do reach out toe the Community if you need further support.

I hope this helps,

Chloe Mod

Thanks for your lovely reply <3 Yeah I get you, I definitely need hope to find work I can stick at and thrive in, but it's been very hard over the last 10 years as I've really struggled with my mental health. 

I spoke to the GP yesterday but honestly, I was a bit disappointed at what she said. It really sounded like there wasn't much on offer. They've booked me into a mental health nurse although I've not always found them effective, so we'll see. Am looking at autistic support groups, I feel like the best cure would be meeting people to talk to who understand. 

And yes love to read, am reading Wuthering Heights at the moment!

Hi Flohusband93

 I found out just over a month or so ago. I've been up and down about it too though feel it's for the best over all that I do now know . Ive struggled with feeling how you describe too and i find it passes with a day or 2 of retreating and doing gentle things like warm baths / a walk in a beautiful natural place or snuggling up with a warm drink, hot water bottle and a book or a favourite film. Since my diagnosis im just starting to find already that im self-advocating better, gradually. Its not always easy but its worth it. Im finding my feet.. I'm looking for some more work too and just turned down an offer of a job that I know I'll burn out doing even though i could do with the money. I'm trying to keep the faith that I will gradually find more work that suits me and i can sustain. I work self-employed a little too - as a gardener but it's not very well paid.  I was questioning autism for years only couldn't accept it because others had put doubts in my mind. I got to the point I just needed to be sure. Connecting in here is a good place to start  - there are some really thoughtful and supportive members.

If you need more support then perhaps speak to your GP ? Maybe access neurodiverse informed therapy - I've find this helpful. There is a member in here who writes 'taking it one memory at a time' in relation to a later in life diagnosis - like just take it one step at a time. Please be kind to yourself and do gentle things that help make you feel cared for. Care for yourself as you would a dear friend.  I hope you are finding ways to stay warm and nourished during winter and getting out everyday to get a dose of light -  even when cloudy. The light is gradually returning now. Do you enjoy reading? That's my main way to get by at this time of the year. Best wishes to you and please stay in touch with the community on here 

Aww thank you so much Stuart!! This has helped so much you cant believe. I'm definitely taking my time with it but i guess I have to anticipate ebbs and flows

I'm not diagnosed,  and I myself wonder how I would actually feel if I ever get diagnosed,  bit I'm here two years in this forum and I've seen quite much. I've also seen many posts of people who feel down after getting diagnosed with autism as well as other conditions. These feelings are normal, although may be problematic as its in your case. If you need urgent help, you may contact a help line or if not, maybe you find NAS resources helpful.

www.autism.org.uk/.../how-will-i-feel-after-receiving-an-autism-diagnosi

Having the formal diagnosis gives you access to support groups and specific therapies. You can check if there are any groups in your area. You can also stick around here and maybe find like minded people. For me the fact that im nit only one having such problems and symptoms means a lot.

Hello.

Don't feel bad about being upset. Don't feel guilty. It is part of it.

Be prepared for all the feeling like a fraud stuff too. Feeling you conned the psychologists is common. You didn't.

Being dysregulated makes everything seem worse. If you are not sleeping it hugely multiplies it.

Your preconceived ideas about autism strongly affect your initial reactions. If you have spent decades trying so hard to be normal and fit in, finding out that no matter what you did you were still different can be quite overwhelming and demoralising.

What they don't tell you is reframing your past is not just a question on thinking about it, it is the reactivation of all the memories and, depending your memory, reliving them again. Which for all the bad bits is very hard. You also can get sucked into self blame with a lot of 'if only I had done x' type thinking, which is not helpful but you can't stop. It is part of understanding and creating a narrative. But you can't do what you didn't know or understand. Don't be too hard on yourself, you will be anyway though for a while.

If you are burnt out, chronically overloaded or over functioning, it will be even harder.

I had overwhelming loss, dysfunctional thinking, etc. I have cried every day for about a year thinking about all the things that could have been. It took me months to find out it was grief. But it is almost done now. I have reconstructed myself.

I have analysed myself in enormous detail, derived most traits, masking, and a lot of info in papers from first principles and my memories because I didn't know what I was looking for. But my level of self observation and memory is very unusual.

I am only saying this because you will get through it. I did not believe and started to really doubt it, but it is possible. You can emerge a stronger, truer, better person. But it is very uncomfortable, hard, destabilising, and difficult. You will also not believe me done times . Be aware of different thinking modes.

Also be prepared that it may well get worse before it gets better. It takes courage to face yourself and not hide. The more honest you are the more it hurts but the more stable the end product. Don't be worried if you need help. And stop if it starts getting too much and have a break for a week or two. You can't rush it. You nervous system goes at its own pace, you can't outthink it.

Be prepared for your thoughts to oscillate and have good and bad days. Don't make important decisions for a while.

Write things down so you can get them out. You will change your mind and loop. It is part of processing.

You made it this far and coped. That is not easy. Be kind to yourself. You did the best you could and it was enough.

Good luck.

Good morning from America AdxmP7 (and flohusband93),

ASD/ADHD/GAD/Depression here. Also have suffered from suicidal ideation, though not directly related to my ASD diagnosis. Right now I’m pretty stable, so here’s some recommendations I have:

1) Therapy. It has really helped me, though it’s not for everyone. It’s worth trying, though. One big note to keep in mind is if your first experience with therapy is not helpful, try another one. Not all therapists or even therapy techniques are the same.

2) Support system. Get a system together. I have it that if I am feeling suicidal I have to call my wife, if not her then my friend, if not him 988 (a hotline in America), if not them then I have to check in at a hospital. Having a plan in place and communicating with your supports that you may need them is really important when you are suffering with SI.

3) From what I’ve read on here it is common to feel a wide variety of feelings when you first get diagnosed. Grief and regret is very often felt. However, you may also feel relief and acceptance over time. I just want you to know that it is okay to feel sad, that’s not unusual. Hopefully as you grow more aware of your condition you come to accept it and use it to help you grow.

I totally get you. It's such a life changing diagnosis and I just feel so sad all the time, so I get you. I'm glad you got yours and you have 20s ahead of you to figure out to live with it. I've spoken to my GP and the Papyrus helpline which have helped me feel a bit more grounded.

Thank you for your post <3 - it's good to hear that you've found comfort in the threads on here. I hope so too, I guess I don't have to understand it quickly but finding it overwhelming forging my way through it. Thank you x

Hello flohusband93, ive just been diagnosed within the last 2 weeks and have felt the exact same as you have suicidal ideation very low mood and really not wanting to do anything its so hard to come to terms with im 21 years old and really struggling i dont really know what to do too im diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, Anxiety and Depression 

Hi flohusband93 ,

A bit of a mixed congratulations on the diagnosis then? 

It's hard, I'm meant to be working after school pick up, but I wanted to respond. There is some really good comments on a thread called 'memory' about reframing the past now you have the ability to see things you couldn't understand then. It's a good group, I've found people here really helpful in finding an understanding of yourself. 

There was a post about someone feeling diregulated, 'will someone tell me the truth', and some really good insight from Stuart333, which I felt was calming and helpful.

I hope you can stick around and get some comfort. One step at a time, you are still you, you don't need to understand everything about it today. x