Hello!
How come you get people who are aware that they are autistic and feel relieved when they finally get diagnosed then on the other end of the line you get people who are totally unaware that they are yet neurotypical people can see that they are but they can't? If they were to find out that they were then then they may have a completely different reaction i.e. be upset or take a little longer to let it sink in. Does this make sense?
Masking has three components
Could you tell me what these are? Many Thanks.xx
Thanks -sorry I forgot to acknowledge the links when you sent them.
Please accept my apologies.xx
Are you you saying all these dictionaries are wrong?
It seems the word does not have the exact meaning you want to believe, but don't let that stop you - I believe there is space for both to be correct.
I’ve already explained the nature of your misunderstanding - including about the nature of dictionary entries, and what can and can’t be inferred from them - here, in B 's thread:
This forum is an autistic space. Accuracy in using language associated with the neurodiversity paradigm and movement is important here. It helps people to understand the benefits of learning to regard neurodivergent people, alongside neurotypical people, as being a natural and equally important part of the human population - which, as a whole, is neurodiverse. These distinctions sit at the heart of the neurodiversity model, and are to our collective benefit - including in securing adjustments / accommodations across various areas of daily life.
Calling neurodivergent people neurodiverse undermines the whole concept, causes confusion, and leads others to adopt the same mistaken beliefs, and to spread that misuse even more widely.
Under the neurodiversity model, neurodiverse is not interchangeable with neurodivergent. The two separate words exist to describe two separate things.
To paraphrase Judy Singer - who, with others, was instrumental in creating and promoting the neurodiversity paradigm, and so is among the most authoritative sources you could wish for, alongside the NAS:
As you might have noticed from other posts and upvotes (eg Wordsmith 's post in the other thread), I am not alone in viewing your misuse of terminology as problematic. I would also gently suggest that, for those readers who do understand and use terminology accurately, your misuse of it lessens your personal credibility in respect of anything else that you might be saying.
Might I suggest reflecting on your own (blunt) advice to others about such learning opportunities?
If you are happy to remain ignorant then it is through choice.
It would be far preferable, in my view, for those of us who get involved in helping and educating others to be using neuroaffirming language accurately, consistently and constructively - and in line with the NAS’s guidance, which is “based on on our language research on the preferences of autistic people, their families and professionals, as well as the feedback and insight we get from our supporters and wider work.”.
Perhaps you are experiencing some personal difficulties in doing so. For example, you have previously mentioned:
my stubborness (and probably some oppositional defiance disorder)
I have done my best to help you learn about this topic, now on several occasions. However, as Phased noted in the Terminology thread, if - for whatever reason - you choose to continue misusing the language around our condition, you might reasonably expect others to keep also gently clarifying it for the benefit of other users - and for the benefit of the wider autistic and neurodivergent communities.
As I've explained previously (including in B 's recent thread here), the population as a whole is neurodiverse.
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/neurodiverse
neurodiverse - having or relating to atypical neurological traits and ways of thinking; not neurotypical.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/neurodiverse
neurodiverse - having or relating to brain function that is not neurotypical
https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/neurodiverse
neurodiverse - People who have a neurodiverse condition have brains that function in a different way to that usually considered as normal.
Are you you saying all these dictionaries are wrong?
It seems the word does not have the exact meaning you want to believe, but don't let that stop you - I believe there is space for both to be correct.
I made it to 56 without knowing. I only know now because I burnt out (3rd time) and had to find out what was wrong (this time I had the time, money, wherewithal and determination to sort it out.
I wondered why my life has been the way it has, so I saw a psychologist. Grief has been almost overwhelming for a number of reasons, as it forces you to reframe the past.
But I have now analysed myself and know my weaknesses and differences.
The reasons for knowing and the significance of knowing vary greatly. So the response can be quite different.
Nobody actually knew. I was just a bit quirky but private and good at my job. The stress is hidden and you find coping strategies without knowing what you're doing.
I indirectly found out, my daughter had CBT for anxiety. The therapist suggested that my daughter might be autistic and, from what my daughter had said about me, that I might be also.
many of them do not like the thought of equating their suffering to the behaviors of neurotypicals.What do you mean by this?xx
There are some autists who do not like the idea that non-neurotypical people can claim to be on the spectrum. These neurotypical people may have traits similar to autistic ones but they are from a different source (ie not the brain development issue NDs have).
These complainers do not like that NTs can claim to be on the spectrum when technically they are not (by the definition of what the ND spectrum is) and they consider this to be a form of appropriation.
I'm not going to argue the rights and wrongs, just point out that there are some people who will take exception to the statement. See the discussion thread I linked to in my post for more details.
Could you tell me what made you have CBT?
If you don’t want to tell me then that is fine.Its only because I’m wondering what are the chances of my best mate finding out that she is on the spectrum.xx
I think that the vast majority of the population have no idea what autism is like in reality. They have no concept of the real traits that are defining features of the condition. This is largely because the portrayal of autism in all varieties of public media are overwhelmingly of stereotypes that are either wildly inaccurate, or solely depict genius savants, at one extreme, or autists with severe co-occurring intellectual disability at the other.
I managed to reach the age of 59, while working in biomedical research, without any realisation that I might be autistic. I thought that I seemed different to most people, but regarded that people in general probably considered themselves unique. I also thought that most people had problems similar to mine, but were just much better at coping with them. Both incorrect conclusions. Had I not indirectly received a hint that I might be autistic from a CBT therapist, I would still have had no idea that I was autistic.
I can only conclude that my outward behaviour did not strike anyone during my then 59 years of life, who was not a mental health therapist, as being notably unusual or autistic in nature.
Many people pick up on differences, even subtle, but they are usually not experts in autism, so they don't say "he/she is autistic" they say "different" "weird" or "he is just himself". I grew up in a society where talking about mental health was something very shameful something like talking about diarrhea, the awareness about it is also low. So the only thing I heard, was I was weird, different, and I had to put efforts to fit in, to be like others.
Another thing is that even if someone saw me and thought "she might be autistic" they should not say that. I watched a video where Paul Michalleff explained, that it's usually better to not tell someone, that we suspect, they are on the spectrum. The reasons are - our suspicion might be false, the reaction of this person might be emotional/hard to manage, the diagnosis or suspected diagnosis should be given by a professional in their office, not by a friend, neighbours or stranger in the street etc. Many people find out on their own, it's up to them. I know one person who might be autistic, she doesn't know it. I don't tell her or her family. I only told her sister that she has problems and needs help.
many of them do not like the thought of equating their suffering to the behaviors of neurotypicals.
What do you mean by this?xx
Hi and welcome to the community! 
Later on in your thread, you went on to explain how you suspect that one of your friends might be autistic.
In that context, you (and perhaps also they) might find these resources helpful:
NAS - Signs that a child or adult may be autistic
NAS - How to bring up that you think someone may be autistic
A small portion of the population is neurodiverse
You are still using "neurodiverse" incorrectly.
As I've explained previously (including in B 's recent thread here), the population as a whole is neurodiverse.
In referring to people who are not neurotypical, you mean neurodivergent.
As the NAS explains:
Neurodiversity includes every single human being.
It is common for words related to neurodiversity to be misused. For example, people might say ‘Autistic people are neurodiverse’ when they mean ‘Autistic people are neurodivergent’.
Examples of accurate phrases include:
Humans are neurodiverse.
Autistic people are neurodivergent.
Autism is a form of neurodivergence.
A small portion of the population is neurodiverse
Estimates of the neurodivergent are 15% to 20% in the UK but it includes a few conditions and there will be a good percentage undiagnosed.
O right ok.
Thank you for your responses and your support.Hope you all have a good New Year and 2026 is a good one for all of you.xx
I will ask if she is aware of anything that she does that is autistic but apart from that I won’t take it any further.
I would assess her opinions of autism in general before considering this. Some people have a strong bias against it and even suggesting they could be autistic can cause an extreme reaction.
If you want to do it then maybe print out a list of autistic traits and highlight the ones you have and ask her if she has any - you can use the "we are all on the spectrum" lie to encourage her to join in perhaps.
We are all on the spectrum somewhere
A hugely controvertial thing to say I'm afraid. A small portion of the population is neurodiverse and many of them do not like the thought of equating their suffering to the behaviors of neurotypicals.
I'm not going to debate it here but point you to this thread:
Forgot to say,
Happy New Year Everyone!!xx
From what I have worked out my best friend’s autistic traits are as follows,
Failure of normal back and forth conversations
Unable to convey emotional thoughts to others
Unable to see how their actions will affect other people
Doesn’t like plans changed at last minute.
We are all on the spectrum somewhere so I will ask if she is aware of anything that she does that is autistic but apart from that I won’t take it any further.If and when she does find out,I will be there every step of the way.xx
Your very smart . I agree with everything here. Self awareness comes to us all. I think there is no normal. We all think and feel different
Many avoid social contact so are not observed much
Indeed, I believe this is a large part of the issue. I avoided people for decades because I found it difficult. Now I avoid them because I enjoy exploring my capabilities without being judged. My parents were very difficult, the father being autistic and the mother a hysteric with depression. I rarely saw the brother, he also was autistic [he had the high intellect but was wrongly diagnosed as schizophrenic. I 'divorced' them years ago and lived a happier life - choosing whom to connect with. I also changed my name and the date of my birthday.
