Explain This?

AutisticBeaut2025 said:

How come you get people who are aware that they are autistic and feel relieved when they finally get diagnosed then on the other end of the line you get people who are totally unaware that they are yet neurotypical people can see that they are but they can't?

If you are neurodivergent then there are no clear signs to you that you are different, just a feeling that you are normal but just don't really understand all the rules, or you wonder why other people seem to cope so much better than you.

It stems from a lack of awareness of autism so most older people don't realise how it presents itself and without this knowledge you won't connect the dots that "hey, that looks like me".

Add in the spectrum nature of autism where no two autists have the same traits and it is a slippery fish to identify in yourself unless you look hard.

Those who understand more about autism can see the traits in others - I do it all the time now and have let several people to have an assessment and discover they are autistic.

How we respond to it will depend on how we deal with the unexpected coupled with any existing bias we may have towards mental health issues. Some with think "oh god, I'm one of them" and others will think "that explains a lot - good to know" and every shade in between.

I think that is it in a nutshell.

Iain said:

If you are neurodivergent then there are no clear signs to you that you are different

There are very clear signs actually with a few of the conditions which come under the neurodivergent umbrella eg. Tourettes.

Also, many autistic people are very clearly autistic ie not those people with what is nowadays sometimes termed 'high functioning' autism but all the rest.

B said:

many autistic people are very clearly autistic ie not those people with what is nowadays sometimes termed 'high functioning' autism but all the rest.

I think the people with low functioning autism are not going to be out and about that much for other people to notice and make the observations on them that you talk about.

B said:

There are very clear signs actually with a few of the conditions which come under the neurodivergent umbrella eg. Tourettes.

You started the discussion talking about autism and that was the basis of my reply. If you expand it to all ND categories then it is something like a 5x larger pool and the discussion changes when you do this.

Within autism I don't think there are many obvious signs from the majority of us. Many avoid social contact so are not observed much, only 20% work which is the majority of social contact I suspect and these will be those who are best able to mask their way through life.

These are just my observations though - not hard facts.

Autism is a big bucket that catches a lot of different presentations and issues.

If she is not struggling and is happy I would be careful about raising the topic. If you are trying hard to fit in being told you don't won't help her confidence. If she is struggling, then be aware you may just get a flat refusal to consider it. It is very hard to bring it up in a positive way.

Any perceived criticism, even sensible help, can be perceived as a threat.

If she is getting close to burnout though then it be wise to encourage her to speak to someone. You don't have to say why, just say your worried a d is the pressure getting to her. Shell probably sat no, but be pleased you asked 

Masking has three components and some can be subconscious so you don't know you do them. Or you do know but don't realise other people aren't doing the same. There were lots of things I did without realising or thinking they were a problem. 

Thanks for your replies.
I wrote this because I’ve had a very difficult 18 months in the fact that I’ve had a fallout with my best friend over her strange behaviour but she seems to be on the spectrum.I didn’t know at first and turned a blind eye to it.It has only been from talking to various people and doing a psychology diploma that I have learnt that she must be.I know that I can’t diagnose or tell her that she is but she clearly doesn’t know but I have come to conclusion and have learnt that Autism is massive and very complicated.It is also possible that she is unaware that she is masking it hence why she couldn’t tell me that her behaviour wasn’t normal.xx

OK, a fair point and I concede. I'll stop digging myself deeper into a hole now

Iain said:

If you expand it to all ND categories then it is something like a 5x larger pool and the discussion changes when you do this.

It's you who used the term neurodivergent Iain, not I.

I was being specific, you were expanding.

If you had said autistic that would have been correct.

By using the term neurodivergent instead in the way and context that you did, you are actually using the umbrella term that does include 'the whole pool'.

ie:

Iain said:

If you are neurodivergent then there are no clear signs to you that you are different,

Iain said:

If you expand it to all ND categories then it is something like a 5x larger pool and the discussion changes when you do this.

It's you who used the term neurodivergent Iain, not I.

I was being specific, you were expanding.

If you had said autistic that would have been correct.

By using the term neurodivergent instead in the way and context that you did, you are actually using the umbrella term that does include 'the whole pool'.

ie:

Iain said:

If you are neurodivergent then there are no clear signs to you that you are different,

OK, a fair point and I concede. I'll stop digging myself deeper into a hole now