Thinking of leaving

Without wanting to guilt trip you into staying, I will miss you if you go, as I've really enjoyed talking with you and getting to know you a little. I don't feel you to be burdensome in any way and I'm sorry if you're being made to feel like this.

Aww you aren’t guilt tripping me at all. I’m not wanting to go but I just feel that I’m not really able to be helpful and I worry I have caused some issues and angered people when I wasn’t intending to do so. I’ve also noticed a lot of posts seem to be more parent related now and as I am not a parent I can’t comment so again I guess I feel more like I’m just in the way and like I don’t belong here. That could be how I’ve been treated in real life over the years though, it’s a long story. 

I would miss our convos too and it could just be a phase I’m going through feeling this way but I just felt I needed to post how I feel.

Thank you for replying x

I think it's phase the site's going through, it's gone through more parent/child phases before, but this site should accomodate everyone. 

I don#t seen that you've annoyed anyone and if someone has been annoyed by something you've said, then on the whole it's thier problem not your's, especailly as you've not set out to be hurtful, has it occured to you that you have a right to be annoyed by ohers, that its not all one way? I know I've upset and offended some on here, I post often on contravercial topics and often have to bite my tongue and not say what I really think or find a more diplomatic way of saying it, but people have a choice about what threads and topics they engage with and some people are a sense of offence looking for somewhere to manifest.Funnily enough they're often the people who shout the loudest about free speech, free speech seems to be OK as long as it them speeking and not anyone who disagrees with them.

I think it's phase the site's going through, it's gone through more parent/child phases before, but this site should accomodate everyone. 

I don#t seen that you've annoyed anyone and if someone has been annoyed by something you've said, then on the whole it's thier problem not your's, especailly as you've not set out to be hurtful, has it occured to you that you have a right to be annoyed by ohers, that its not all one way? I know I've upset and offended some on here, I post often on contravercial topics and often have to bite my tongue and not say what I really think or find a more diplomatic way of saying it, but people have a choice about what threads and topics they engage with and some people are a sense of offence looking for somewhere to manifest.Funnily enough they're often the people who shout the loudest about free speech, free speech seems to be OK as long as it them speeking and not anyone who disagrees with them.

Wow that’s really quite interesting to hear. Yeah my nan and grandad were working class compared to their siblings. They got married at 18 and within a year later their son was born haha. Now in today’s society I think a lot, not everyone but a lot of people only have kids so young so they get more money and don’t work. Same with those who marry and have kids then divorce, it boils my blood so much! I’m not saying everyone is like this but there are a lot of people out there unfortunately! I mean my mum has a friend whose son got taken advantage of this way and he’s now only allowed to see the kid once every few months but he doesn’t get any help I don’t think but his ex gets everything and she was the one who dumped him. Not to mention how she had to have on xmas day over 3months before her due date because she wanted it on Xmas day! I mean is that even allowed? Surely you can’t choose to have a kid so early? I will admit I’m not very well educated in these areas. 

I have met quite a few people who have had kids in their late 30s/early 40s but they have been given a hard time for it but it’s their lives. I had a skin therapist who had her eldest at 19 but when she remarried in her late 30s she wanted another kid with her new husband but she got a lot of slack for it. I mean come on why can’t people just live their lives the way they want? 

I'm glad you've decided to stick around.

I had my first child at 19 and so did many of my old school mates, the more middle class people I knew were having thier first babies in thier late 20's early 30's, now many women don't have children until thier in their late thirties or early forties. So 26 isn't old not to have children.

I think the age at which you give birth is a class thing, the more working class you are the more likely you are to have children young, when I was younger there was still the attitude that if you we're married by the age of 21 you were "on the shelf", unmarriagable except maybe to an older man to be his housekeeper and nurse. Certainly for women 10 years or so older than me this was a real cause of concern and most of them had babies by the time they were in thier early twenties. I'm sure this must have led to a lot of poor marital choices as people were desperate not to suffer the shame of being "on the shelf".

No it isn’t their forum but if they don’t want my help then as I’ve said they can take a long walk off a short pier, they don’t want my help then I’ll give it to those who are more deserving! I just wish I could be more confident at the right time. 

Im glad you have had the last laugh but it’s terrible how people change their tone over the age, I mean it’s just a number. Also my nan had her oldest when she was only 19, ok this was years ago but still. I keep getting called a geriatric because I’m nearly 26 and still not got kids or even been in a relationship but I just want to take life at my own pace. I mean that’s me though and we are all different which I get. I’m more introverted. 

Well it's not their forum is it? They've got no right to tell you you can't post and if they can't listen to a young person then maybe thats why they're having such a hard time understanding their own young people.

I was always older than my years too and got loads of carp about it too, especially as I had kids so young, but although it hurt at the time because people would talk to me like a normal human being until they found out I was 10 years younger than them and then had to be condescending, I think I've had the last laugh, as I can look back at them and still think they're idiots and wonder if they look back on their younger selves and cringe at how up themselves they were?

Elfilis said:

I just don’t understand why parents take a dislike to me.

My suspicion is that they want an echo chamber of people who are in the same situation as them, who can tell them it will get better and they are not bad people etc.

I've had my fair share of "what would you know, you've never been a" parent / invalid / female (delete as appropriate) when people have asked for advice.

I think they are just lashing out a bit in their pain so I tend to let them be.

Live and let live and all that hippy stuff works best here.

I suppose I could be a part of it. I might do a little Halloween post later on or a left handed and right handed post. Could do some gaming posts too and other stuff. Guess I just get nervous lol. But yeah the parents can stick either their cliques and we can stay with ours. Say I’m not the best with socialising so though I have been here for nearly 4 months I’m still trying to get used to communicating with others. But I have had some great conversations with users including yourself so it would be a shame to leave. 

I just don’t understand why parents take a dislike to me. I’ve got better things to do than waste time thinking about it though I think my problem is I can’t just shake off and ignore. Guess that’s something I will be working on with my psychologist. 

Im gonna cheer myself up and do some ring fit now. 

Elfilis said:

normally I come here for some support but as I said I’ve felt quite excluded lately.

How about being part of the change in tone here that you want to see? 

What subjects do you find interesting and what do you want to see discussed?

If we create some momentum behind new posts like these then the other posts will still be there for the parents and we can all have what we want?

Best of all it will help you feel that you are taking steps to help yourself and not be at the mercy of the ebb & flow of things.

Yeah with the post you could say I am thinking unkindly which I get and I’ll admit that. The thing is I normally bring everyone’s mail and parcels to them. I will admit I don’t get much mail but if I do it just seems to be left by the main door but everyone else’s has either been posted or left outside their doors if that makes sense. Guess I just feel a bit miffed because I’m always taking and even signing their parcels and they should know it’s me because I’ve seen the couriers write don my name and flat number confirming that I was the one who took parcels in. But if I have parcels no one ever takes them in so my parcels are covered in dirt and stuff and even soaked if raining. I mean yeah these are silly things that probably don’t bother most people but I’m not like those other people. It just feels like I’m being isolated from the community and they don’t like that the previous owner here has died and I have moved in but I can’t help that the person died. It’s life (and death). Like they don’t seem to like me and have judged me before getting to know me. I mean I’m friendly with the lady downstairs but yeah. 

I have noticed people seem to come for ranting and I have also don’t a few rant posts myself, sometimes it’s just what you need and validation is needed as well like this post of mine here really. But I do feel that I am getting excluded because majority of posts now are only aimed at parents and only parents are allowed to reply. If I’ve tried saying my advice from the preteen view I just get ignored or downvoted so yeah I delete my comments.  I just saw the post about needing new mods so that could be the case of why this forum seems to have gone well strange in my opinion. I was wanting to do a post about who likes and doesn’t like Halloween but with like things being the way they are I might just stay quiet. 

Sorry if I have misunderstood anything you have said by the way. As I said I’m just feeling in a bit of a slump lately and normally I come here for some support but as I said I’ve felt quite excluded lately. I mean they are my feelings though. 

Elfilis said:

It’s like why can’t everyone just be kind?

I think it is just down to human nature.

When you think about it you felt annoyed at your neighbours for not bringing your post - that could be considered to be unkind but it was a natural feeling to you just as it would be to anyone else I imagine in that situation.

I'm not saying you were bad here, just that a utopia of kindness seems at loggerheads with the human condition - and it gets worse as people lose the aspect of being face to face with another human when they say the things they say.

Elfilis said:

I’ve tried being helpful from the “child/teen” point of view but that’s when I get ignored a

My thoughts are that people very often come here to vent and seek validation rather than actually looking for help. It is something I am still not great at spotting which leads to many ignored responses.

For me I'm content if I see a positive response to maybe one in ten posts as this is what I found to be the norm.

My mentor taught me not to sweat the small stuff as life is too short. Do what you can and get on with your life, and if that makes some good happen along the way then great.

Elfilis said:

I do feel like this isn’t really a forum for like everyone at the moment but again could be my paranoia.

It is a bit odd at the moment but I notice we are short of mod interactions for long periods of time so it may just be a staffing issue (probably why they are recruiting volunteers now) and since there is always a churn of posters then it is probably just a phase we are going through.

Yeah I will be honest I do feel this has become more of a mumsnet thing lately and I’ve also noticed they say only parents should respond. I’ve tried being helpful from the “child/teen” point of view but that’s when I get ignored and then I feel stupid for posting and then I just delete the sodding thing I wrote. I have been bullied in real life by expecting parents so I guess that doesn’t help me. It could just be all my traumas of the bullying getting the better of me but I don’t know. Say all the bully neighbours at my parents and now in my flat aren’t helping me. Sorry for the rant there. But I do feel like this isn’t really a forum for like everyone at the moment but again could be my paranoia. 

I have been offended and hurt by other users in the past I will be honest. But I’ve never wanted to say anything as I hate to get into fights/arguments and I just want to respect all the views but I would get upset if I was criticised for my views if that makes sense. It’s like why can’t everyone just be kind? But then that’s me and my fantasy land haha. Having EUPD doesn’t help and I feel I need people to be kind to me so I don’t feel so rubbish, not wanting to sound a diva in anyway and I know my EUPD and autism are not great excuses. I have enjoyed your posts though and I have found the religion ones to be very interesting.