How do I explain me to my parents?

I think if you’ve already tried to help them be more informed but they are resistant etc then maybe it might be better to accept that your parents don’t have the capacity to understand the subtleties and complexity of what being autistic actually involves? Maybe it’s not worth your time and energy trying to explain to them if they seem to not want to truly listen to you and respect what you’re trying to communicate to them. My parents never really ‘got’ autism - I don’t think they had the understanding or the motivation to understand it. So in the end I decided to accept the fact that they were - frankly - quite ignorant about the subtleties of human nature and psychology! 
ultimately you don’t have to ‘convince’ your parents of anything - free yourself from the need to do that and you might find the situation with them less frustrating! 

You have to spend at least one hour a day doing obsessive and compulsive things to meet the DSM-5 criteria for OCD.

Most people have traits of ocd but to have ocd diagnosied I think those traits need to be intrusive 

so needing to clean your tv once a day is obbesive but not intrusive but if you need to clean it and plug in in and out too many times thats actuall ocd for nkt undertandning

its like wirh asd people can have the intense interests or require routine but not have any other traits there for it’s not asd and this is where that terrible line of wer all a little autistic comes from

I would like to think most venues would be understanding of this type of request. I’m not sure if you have noticed this where you are but I have seen a lot more people wearing ear defenders recently, perhaps autism awareness has helped people become more relaxed and able to be themselves a little more. 

I do think I need soemthing to say yes this explains this eps isnt if im going to possibly need to say to both tradinal work places and music venue listen i need this reaibsobsle thing like I might need to wear my ear defenders whilst I set up snd pack down 

A diagnosis would be ideal if you felt you needed that certainty on paper. It’s not for everyone, some are happy to self diagnose and that’s all they need but if you feel you need personal validation to support your own theory of being autistic then professional diagnosis may be the way forward. It made a huge psychological impact on me, good and bad, but the good far out-weighs the bad for me now. 

Autism being a thing and being broad helped me realise why some of my interests are life long and beyond the intency others expect and with masking I now realise why for years Ihave said I hate x thing but I still look it up becuase im masking it and trying to fit in by saying ih no call of duty is bad or I hate ALL pop music(im sorry Tay Tay I never mentioned all the times i dissed you masking makes me say things I don’t mean) when infact i like all genres apart for  (most) gangster rap and grime 

Iain said:

although I'm not sure that the need for washing hair when having a shower is an autistic trait or an OCD one

My paediatrician had told up that I have OCD tendencies but I don't have enough to be diagnosed.

It’s extremely varied yes, no two people will be the same. It was very confusing for me before I took the time to look at the spectrum in visual form which helped it make much more sense. 

Aspeth said:

no matter how hard I try, they won't believe me

Who would they believe?

If the answer is no-one then you will have to learn to live with this denial unfortunately.

One thing to consider is that autism is highly hereditary so there is a strong chance one or both parents are also on the spectrum, and autists can be incredibly stubborn in their thinking.

I think  has a good idea of getting a professional to tell them that your issues with sound are real although I'm not sure that the need for washing hair when having a shower is an autistic trait or an OCD one. It may be worth discussing further with your therapist as there can be ways to address OCD traits if they are troublesome.

You could also consider some emotional warfare if you want to (not really ethical I guess but it is effective) and tell your parents that you are really dissapointed in them that they do not believe you and it hurts your feelings. Masking / Scripting to present this and get the breakthrough you need COULD be considered justification enough for this underhand tactic - I'll let you decide if this is of interest or not.

I think the spectrum needs to be explained better on tv like ai it gets across yes we all have diffenet needs but someone who’s non verbal may find it easier to wash and someone who has noises issues may have executive dysfunction … like me:( 

Sounds like your parents still haven’t grasped exactly what autism is, it’s not their fault, there’s a spectrum and they perhaps don’t see your difficulties in the same way you do. I’m assuming they think you can just push through your sensory issues? It may just be the case that you say directly to them “Hey parents, I need you to understand me better, I don’t think you take on board the seriousness of how autism effects me and I wish you would”. 

I wish I could help but the only people who seem to get me are people who have had autistic family members for many years or are autistic them selves when it’s A new diagnosis it seems like all you hear is stop it or oh shut up about (insert info dump here)

Maybe you could take one of both of them to a session with your therapist, to talk about what autism is like, what is it like for you as an autistic person, and how is it from their perspective as parents.

I'm 18 currently so I don't reckon it should've be too hard since I was only a pre-teen when I got diagnosed...

Hello Aspeth, welcome.

It sounds as though you are having a hard time with your parents' potential lack of acceptance of what your Autism means for you experience of different life aspects.

I am sorry to hear that, unfortunately, not perhaps as rare a response as we would hope it to be.  I don't mean that to sound negative - rather, I am trying to share that it may not be as personal to just you and your parents.

I think many of us can find the diagnosis disclosure reaction of relatives / friends / colleagues to be quite an unpredictable and sometimes disappointing or upsetting experience.

The potentially dismissive, or denial reaction of people in our lives is sometimes a matter of lack of education, awareness and advocacy.  However, particularly when it comes to the lack of support, understanding, accommodation and acceptance expressed by parents; there can be some of their own issues to consider too.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/emotional-support-for-family-members-after-a-diagn

Our diagnosis process, I believe, still currently inadequately prepares us and our loved ines (particularly our parents) for our adjusting to life after diagnosis.

www.autism.org.uk/.../formal-support-following-an-autism-diagnosis

www.autism.org.uk/.../after-diagnosis

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/talking-about-and-disclosing-your-autism-diagnosis#:~:text=Choosing%20to%20disclose%20your%20autism,comfortable%20being%20yourself%20around%20them.

Something which I think can sometimes happen; is parents can have developed a (mythical) "child on a pedestal" outlook - as a defence mechanism to try and  paper over the cracks of the parent's own life issues.  Issues like: their own childhood trauma, arrested development, worried about their own potential Neurodivergent traits, mental health issues, religious stigma (misguided) embarrassment that the child's Autism reflecting upon their parenting, pre-existing strain in the parent's relationship with their spouse or partner, the discrimination by other relatives or society, they may also have aspirations of social mobility and struggle to reconcile that ambition in combination with the need to acknowledge that one or more of their children thinks differently and experiences environments differently to the (non-existant) stereotypical image of the "perfect family".

Something else which can make the negative Autism support by loved ones feel all the more harsh and maybe make people experience that behaviour as a betrayal of trust and as though we are not validated or seen / heard - is when our lived experience also includes navigating life aware of safeguarding our ongoing mental health recovery, or current adult mental health treatment. 

Autism isn't a mental health issue - but some Autistic people do also manage one or more mental health issue alongside their Autism.

Again, family members can woefully overlook that extra load we deal with on a daily basis to maintain our wellbeing being extra aware of our mental health. 

Sometimes relatives, and even healthcare professionals, do need reminding by us that our external effort and appearance does not always match our internal experience of the people and World around us.  They need to remember and respect that we are doing our best - sometimes in scary, difficult, or exhausting mental health situations.

Although a generalisation, I think it is fair to say that; the older an adult is when they receive their Autism diagnosis - there is greater potential for us to struggle with disclosure about our Autism to an elderly parent / the parent's reaction may not be optimal / we may decide against informing the parent about our Autism diagnosis at all.

Best wishes.