How do I explain me to my parents?

Hello Aspeth, welcome.

It sounds as though you are having a hard time with your parents' potential lack of acceptance of what your Autism means for you experience of different life aspects.

I am sorry to hear that, unfortunately, not perhaps as rare a response as we would hope it to be.  I don't mean that to sound negative - rather, I am trying to share that it may not be as personal to just you and your parents.

I think many of us can find the diagnosis disclosure reaction of relatives / friends / colleagues to be quite an unpredictable and sometimes disappointing or upsetting experience.

The potentially dismissive, or denial reaction of people in our lives is sometimes a matter of lack of education, awareness and advocacy.  However, particularly when it comes to the lack of support, understanding, accommodation and acceptance expressed by parents; there can be some of their own issues to consider too.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/emotional-support-for-family-members-after-a-diagn

Our diagnosis process, I believe, still currently inadequately prepares us and our loved ines (particularly our parents) for our adjusting to life after diagnosis.

www.autism.org.uk/.../formal-support-following-an-autism-diagnosis

www.autism.org.uk/.../after-diagnosis

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/talking-about-and-disclosing-your-autism-diagnosis#:~:text=Choosing%20to%20disclose%20your%20autism,comfortable%20being%20yourself%20around%20them.

Something which I think can sometimes happen; is parents can have developed a (mythical) "child on a pedestal" outlook - as a defence mechanism to try and  paper over the cracks of the parent's own life issues.  Issues like: their own childhood trauma, arrested development, worried about their own potential Neurodivergent traits, mental health issues, religious stigma (misguided) embarrassment that the child's Autism reflecting upon their parenting, pre-existing strain in the parent's relationship with their spouse or partner, the discrimination by other relatives or society, they may also have aspirations of social mobility and struggle to reconcile that ambition in combination with the need to acknowledge that one or more of their children thinks differently and experiences environments differently to the (non-existant) stereotypical image of the "perfect family".

Something else which can make the negative Autism support by loved ones feel all the more harsh and maybe make people experience that behaviour as a betrayal of trust and as though we are not validated or seen / heard - is when our lived experience also includes navigating life aware of safeguarding our ongoing mental health recovery, or current adult mental health treatment. 

Autism isn't a mental health issue - but some Autistic people do also manage one or more mental health issue alongside their Autism.

Again, family members can woefully overlook that extra load we deal with on a daily basis to maintain our wellbeing being extra aware of our mental health. 

Sometimes relatives, and even healthcare professionals, do need reminding by us that our external effort and appearance does not always match our internal experience of the people and World around us.  They need to remember and respect that we are doing our best - sometimes in scary, difficult, or exhausting mental health situations.

Although a generalisation, I think it is fair to say that; the older an adult is when they receive their Autism diagnosis - there is greater potential for us to struggle with disclosure about our Autism to an elderly parent / the parent's reaction may not be optimal / we may decide against informing the parent about our Autism diagnosis at all.

Best wishes.

I'm 18 currently so I don't reckon it should've be too hard since I was only a pre-teen when I got diagnosed...

I'm 18 currently so I don't reckon it should've be too hard since I was only a pre-teen when I got diagnosed...