Exchanging information and finding community: how to do it?

Yeah it’s like me i like sharing my music but I never want to be known or famous for it so ive made a stage name so if I upload it’s just Audio or perhaps a video without me or any identifying stuff in

i find autism so hard becuse I have a conflict like I love old tech but it has limitations is I need a mix of old and new stuff

also I have how people don’t understand if I’m going on and on and on about a hobbie like dnd trains bus ganes music Taylor swift it’s either a(like all the mentioned things) a speical interest that brings me massive autistic joy or b it’s something that my adhd will fixate on for a week at a time like photography or radios o groove this is called hyper fixation I used to call it speical interests of adhd but I find autistic speical interests make you way more joyful where as wirh a hyper fixation it’s solely like your adhd focuses on it to free your mind 

Taking your order;

1. Yes - unless there is a meaningful and unifying "prompt" to specifics.......breadth stifles a "start point" is there is no "prompt."

2. I use no platform (other than this compromised and clunky place,) but I am lucky enough to have some friends who have interests of their own, that although I don't share, we have found that our "wiring" is the same.....therefore we share, and learn, from each other.

3. The bulk of my interests, can be encapsulated in my work.  Therefore, when I am busy - I am happy - and in a "community."  I still haven't properly quantified the "rules" that will enable me to stay mentally healthy......assuming such rules actually exist (and I'm not wholly sure they do!)

Regarding my experience, more generally = I need time, space, observation, reassurance, comfort and calm......over a prolonged period.....to enable me to "bond" with anything, anyone, or any place.  My trust is VERY hard won, and VERY easily lost.  Therefore, I am undoubtedly destined to a life of lonely disappointment.

I think it's harder to meet others when you're out of fulltime education or haven't got school age children. Many people don't work in organisations large enough for them to meet many people, let alone ones they get on with.

The only community I have is here, its the place where I can be my authentic autistic self. To stay mentally healthy, I stay away from most other people, the older I get the less I want to do people. I've started to be what some would see as quite selfish and ask whats in it for me? Usually the answer is, not a lot, surface conversations, a dog walk, maybe I'll find someone to have a conversation with about something I'm interested in.

Unknown said:

Some "roadblocks" I have spotted, mostly from my side, are:

• Sensitivity to the language and facial expressions used by others
• Habit of getting stuck in details makes it hard for others
• In-person: Need to remain anonymous
• Online: Need to I regularly need to delete my accounts, or camouflage in some way.

The last two points are going to be real barriers to making a connection as you say and I think it would be helpful for you to reflect on why you need them.

A connection needs for your side to be tangible so if you remain behind a made up name that vanishes then there will be nothing for people to connect with. It is fine if you want to retain your anonanimity but by deleting your account you have to start again each time and try to build those connections which is hard work.

The sensitivity to language can be a harder one to overcome and often needs the help of a good therapist to be able to accept the differences in communication styles of others.

I think this is what it boils down to for sensitivity to others styles - that are different and have every right to their own styles and if is very helpful not to read into this things that can cause us upset. It is our perception filters that are the real problem here in almost all cases so getting help to attune them to the way people behave is a great tool.

Take me for example, I tend to be very blunt and direct in advice giving and will often point out uncomfortable truths. A small number of people take offence at this but the most seem to appreciate that I don't just sympathise and say nice things but try to get to the heart of the issue when asked.

Getting stuck in detail is a common issue for autists and it takes a lot of practice to be able to learn to shelve the thoughts for later analysis and just move on with the conversation. A good therapist again can help you develop this skill.

My personal approach was to make a special interest out of social interaction, to read up on it, study it in operation around me and practice until I felt comfortable in most situations. Expecting others to adapt to me seemed unreasonable as it was me who had the issues.

I guess the one take-away from the advice would be to get a good therapist who really understands autism and has experience helping others like you. They can be incredibly useful in building those skills and getting to the root of the causes of some of your traumas that are likely causing a few of them.

it took guts to put this out on a public forum, cudos for this.

Just adding it as a comment since that's what it is: I am aware this can be a hard problem to solve, so just sharing what works or has been useful for your case would be helpful and interesting for me.