Exchanging information and finding community: how to do it?

Unknown said:

Some "roadblocks" I have spotted, mostly from my side, are:

• Sensitivity to the language and facial expressions used by others
• Habit of getting stuck in details makes it hard for others
• In-person: Need to remain anonymous
• Online: Need to I regularly need to delete my accounts, or camouflage in some way.

The last two points are going to be real barriers to making a connection as you say and I think it would be helpful for you to reflect on why you need them.

A connection needs for your side to be tangible so if you remain behind a made up name that vanishes then there will be nothing for people to connect with. It is fine if you want to retain your anonanimity but by deleting your account you have to start again each time and try to build those connections which is hard work.

The sensitivity to language can be a harder one to overcome and often needs the help of a good therapist to be able to accept the differences in communication styles of others.

I think this is what it boils down to for sensitivity to others styles - that are different and have every right to their own styles and if is very helpful not to read into this things that can cause us upset. It is our perception filters that are the real problem here in almost all cases so getting help to attune them to the way people behave is a great tool.

Take me for example, I tend to be very blunt and direct in advice giving and will often point out uncomfortable truths. A small number of people take offence at this but the most seem to appreciate that I don't just sympathise and say nice things but try to get to the heart of the issue when asked.

Getting stuck in detail is a common issue for autists and it takes a lot of practice to be able to learn to shelve the thoughts for later analysis and just move on with the conversation. A good therapist again can help you develop this skill.

My personal approach was to make a special interest out of social interaction, to read up on it, study it in operation around me and practice until I felt comfortable in most situations. Expecting others to adapt to me seemed unreasonable as it was me who had the issues.

I guess the one take-away from the advice would be to get a good therapist who really understands autism and has experience helping others like you. They can be incredibly useful in building those skills and getting to the root of the causes of some of your traumas that are likely causing a few of them.

it took guts to put this out on a public forum, cudos for this.

Unknown said:

Some "roadblocks" I have spotted, mostly from my side, are:

• Sensitivity to the language and facial expressions used by others
• Habit of getting stuck in details makes it hard for others
• In-person: Need to remain anonymous
• Online: Need to I regularly need to delete my accounts, or camouflage in some way.

The last two points are going to be real barriers to making a connection as you say and I think it would be helpful for you to reflect on why you need them.

A connection needs for your side to be tangible so if you remain behind a made up name that vanishes then there will be nothing for people to connect with. It is fine if you want to retain your anonanimity but by deleting your account you have to start again each time and try to build those connections which is hard work.

The sensitivity to language can be a harder one to overcome and often needs the help of a good therapist to be able to accept the differences in communication styles of others.

I think this is what it boils down to for sensitivity to others styles - that are different and have every right to their own styles and if is very helpful not to read into this things that can cause us upset. It is our perception filters that are the real problem here in almost all cases so getting help to attune them to the way people behave is a great tool.

Take me for example, I tend to be very blunt and direct in advice giving and will often point out uncomfortable truths. A small number of people take offence at this but the most seem to appreciate that I don't just sympathise and say nice things but try to get to the heart of the issue when asked.

Getting stuck in detail is a common issue for autists and it takes a lot of practice to be able to learn to shelve the thoughts for later analysis and just move on with the conversation. A good therapist again can help you develop this skill.

My personal approach was to make a special interest out of social interaction, to read up on it, study it in operation around me and practice until I felt comfortable in most situations. Expecting others to adapt to me seemed unreasonable as it was me who had the issues.

I guess the one take-away from the advice would be to get a good therapist who really understands autism and has experience helping others like you. They can be incredibly useful in building those skills and getting to the root of the causes of some of your traumas that are likely causing a few of them.

it took guts to put this out on a public forum, cudos for this.