Saying and doing the wrong thing!

Thanks Wolfbear and esra for your replies,

i get so much from reading your replies, as much info i can get to help me to understand things from my sons perspective is greatly appreciated.

Wolfbear everything you have mentioned sounds really good, i am going to work on the lift situation asap, although he is now mentioning it a lot less but i still think it hasn't completely settled. That’s a great idea about the fire department as when he does mention it he keeps asking how would he get out if we couldn't get him etc, he even talked about making a device that would help you escape if you got stuck. Yesterday he asked me would a lift ever explode as he watched one of the 'die hard' films months ago. so i am now understanding why this is going through his mind and other things will relate and influence his thinking. I'm guessing then that is why his previous teachers used to say when they were doing a subject like math’s he would put up his hand and talk about something completely different? 

He loves fishing, a few weeks ago we went deep sea fishing and he had a great time...so did i, unfortunately i'm not so good at the hunting/fishing thing but i am willing to try. Fishing was all he wanted to do last summer but this year it is the playstation and one particular game called 'Call of duty' To be honest i'm not to happy with letting him play this game but it was because the boys in his class had it and i thought it would be something he could talk about with them and help him fit in, though now he talks about it from getting up in the morning to going to bed and it is as if everything he does is all in aid of finding a way to get playing. Do you think the gaming is a positive or negative thing? Thankfully his drama takes him out sociallising otherwise it would’ve been a lonely summer.  

Going places especially in the morning is always a little difficult even if its somewhere he wants to go, for eg when going deep sea fishing he was getting all annoyed and frustrated when getting ready to go, is there anything i can do to minimise this in any way?

i all ways seem to say the wrong thing. to me it is not, because it is logical to me. my partners grandad died, when i was round my partners mums house. i said you knew he was going to die, now he is dead you dont have to worry. every one except my partner took offence to it. i do things all the time. sometimes i describe things to the doctor and he understands me, or so i think. he did understand what i said but i have not spoke right so he has not. people ask questions like how are you? or how do i look? i tell them the truth and then they are annoyed with me, because they expect me to lie. i hate small talk, or he said then i said conversations, i often tell them to speak to me properly or dont speak. they dont like it but i have told them if you want to talk to me you have to engage me, it has to be of interest and the truth. they find it interesting but i dont. i have got in trouble all of my life because of this, like pulling my socks up. or taking things litterally.

i often dont want to say anything to anybody because i dont want to hurt people and i know if i talk long enough i will say something the other woll persuive as nasty. it is nasty that they think i am being nasty which can make me say something nasty.

i sort of lost my point now.  but sometimes we dont say things because we think that if we do we are doing the wrong thing as we are here because we are meant to be so we do it. if we say something we are seen as nasty.

Hi Wolfbear,

Thank-you so much for your informative reply, It means a lot to me that I can correspond with someone who understands the world from my sons perspective and who will share information with me that will in turn support him.

My son is 13 and was diagnosed about 3months ago with aspergers and dyslexia. A few weeks after this I mentioned to him that his mood was rather good lately and was it because he was off on school holidays? He replied “ No, its because I know now that I have aspergers and so will everyone else”  he now knows there is a reason for the things in life he was having difficulties with. He talked about the literal meaning to things and that life would be much better for him if no-one used sarcasm. I am working very hard to try and stop using it. Do you think it would help to try and teach him some examples? Today I was trying to explain to him the difference of saying to someone “your sickened” and “that’s sickenin” (teenage talk here) trying to explain that one term could be offensive and the other one not. he got bored of me explaining and said it didn’t matter its all the same. then I was finding it frustrating!

I now understand better regarding the lift after reading your reply. over the last few days the incident keeps reappearing, especially before bedtime, even last night we went over it all again…the “ what if no-one heard me in there and no-one found me” scenario. I will now have more tolerance when repeating the same happy ending no matter what happened in that lift, to him. The worst thing was he didn’t get into a lift until he was 9yrs old as he was frightened too, even as a toddler he didn’t like them but with persistence and determination on his part he eventually did.   

You asked if he is a visual thinker, he is, in fact when he was assessed the lady said to me that in the visual assessment he got the highest score she had ever seen, and he was going so fast she could barely keep up only scoring 4 wrong, he said that was because he pressed the wrong button by accident. I also discovered that day that he watches things in his mind like watching a film, his long term memory is great, the short term not so good. The sad thing though is that he is finding school work difficult. At least we understand why now and that helps him. He is an intelligent boy but it just doesn’t flow through to his school work as he finds a lot of it frustrating, which is an awful shame because I know its in there, its just trying to find a way that brings out his potential. If you have any thoughts on this I would be grateful for them.

I feel like I could talk for hours, so I am going to stop now because I am sure that is more than enough information for one evening,

Thanks again

De-De