Published on 12, July, 2020
I've not been diagnosed with it or anything but I know I have it. I am and always have been TERRIBLE when it comes to maths. I never managed to learn the times tables apart from 1, 2, 5, 9 and 10.
I am always having to do additions on my hands, even simple things like 7+5.. I really struggle and have it count it out in my head and use my fingers. For bigger sums I have to use a piece of paper and really think about it or I wont be able to do it. I often use my calculator on my phone to do sums. Especially when shopping on a budget. I'll select my item and add it on my calculator to make sure I'm not going over my spending limit.
It also takes me a very long time to tell the time on an analogue clock. I'll have to sit there and count up to where the hand is. Similarly on a digital clock it has to be on the 12h setting. I get confused otherwise looking at like 17:36 and having to figure out what 17 is.
Honestly it can be really embarrassing when I can't do simple maths.
I have dyscalculia, and I can switch around number positions when I read and write them. I discovered that I had dyscalculia only after I had finished my schooling already. It was never picked up on in school. I knew I was doing something wrong, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Math is such an independent subject, and teachers and students thought I was trying to cheat answers, when I just wanted them to help me figure out what I was doing that was different from what they were doing, but they always treated me as if I'm just trying to cheat, and that was not helpful.
I also had anxiety from someone beating me up, saying things like because I don't make any money that I don't matter, so I gained a fear of numbers, money, finances, and I would have panic attacks and hyperventilate when I saw numbers, as if something bad was going to happen.
But then as a young adult, I got fed up with people trying to embarrass me for not knowing things. I was like "to hell with them and everyone else! If I count with my fingers for the rest of my life, so be it! I don't care anymore!" And I fully leaned into counting with my fingers. I started math from zero and worked my way up.
Eventually after a few years, it got to the point that I gained the ability to do mental math, something that I never thought I'd be able to do. Weird how things change. Now I help people with math sometimes, instead of being afraid of it.
I'm so sorry about how you used to be treated, but it's a beautiful thing to do to help others in subjects where you once struggled so I applaud you for that.