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Friends or rather the lack of them

Hergé
8 days ago

I was driving through town one evening and a group of men dressed in causal clothing were obviously heading out to a bar together.

They were all ages 60+ and looked comfortable together, as if they'd been doing this for years/decades.

I said to my wife that I can't seem to justify the effort to maintain a friendship like that. Even at school I had a very limited friendship group which pretty much vanished once life started to get in the way (work, relationships etc).

My wife said "that's just the way you are" and that pretty much ended that conversation.

I don't know if it's my definition or friendship. I obviously am aware of others in my limited circle. I work and have work colleagues that I get along with but I'd never want to socially interact outside of work.(I do get invited out but I decline) 

I have very limited interest in anyone outside my own household and that includes immediate family.

It does feel a little isolating at times I suppose. 

Anyway forgive the ramble 

Parents
  • 6 days ago

    I can definitely relate to this, and the replies. I’ve always found socialising very exhausting and quite unsettling. When I was younger I needed a drink or two to be sociable. Then I met my husband and then I felt (with some relief!) that I didn’t have to try as hard to keep the friendships I had (they weren’t very close friendships in any case). 
    But like you I feel a bit sad about this at times and wonder if myself and my husband might have enjoyed maintaining more friendships with people. But deep down I don’t think socialising with people like that was very enjoyable for me. I just didn’t want to, and found it too stressful. 
    Sometimes I see people who I know to be quite unpleasant people who have a lot of friends - and that really confuses me! It’s strange.

    Anyway - we are considering making some effort in terms of meeting a few people and maybe being a bit more sociable when we move to the new area that we have plans to relocate to. Not sure how we’ll go about this, but we’re considering it. Maybe do some evening classes or join a walking group or something. 

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  • 6 days ago

    I can definitely relate to this, and the replies. I’ve always found socialising very exhausting and quite unsettling. When I was younger I needed a drink or two to be sociable. Then I met my husband and then I felt (with some relief!) that I didn’t have to try as hard to keep the friendships I had (they weren’t very close friendships in any case). 
    But like you I feel a bit sad about this at times and wonder if myself and my husband might have enjoyed maintaining more friendships with people. But deep down I don’t think socialising with people like that was very enjoyable for me. I just didn’t want to, and found it too stressful. 
    Sometimes I see people who I know to be quite unpleasant people who have a lot of friends - and that really confuses me! It’s strange.

    Anyway - we are considering making some effort in terms of meeting a few people and maybe being a bit more sociable when we move to the new area that we have plans to relocate to. Not sure how we’ll go about this, but we’re considering it. Maybe do some evening classes or join a walking group or something. 

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