Being ignored by friends

Does anybody else feel completely ignored by their friends? I have certain friends that never reach out to me first, it will always be me who has to start the conversations. Whilst I do understand that the majority of people I speak to are neurotypical and have busy work lives I feel that if they truly wanted to be my friend they would try and connect? One friend in particular tends to very rarely post on social media or message people so I tend to try sending messages when they've recently posted things as I know they'll be on their phone, but it can go days or even weeks before I'll even get a response. 
It breaks my heart because it takes two minutes to check in with someone and say hi or to let them know you can't talk right now, and this friend is someone I have known for at least 8 years and they were my best friend in high school. Now I have an odd thing with relationships, I know I can be overwhelming and honestly I feel entitled to be responded to but I've worked on that and rarely message them anymore. I don't push people to respond to me but I really really struggle internally when they don't. 
I don't work myself due to extreme social phobia and mutism, so I think it's hard for me to understand their point of view about being busy. Do I give up on the friendship? Do I try and salvage it? I think it's worth noting that I have told them multiple times how I feel about them not responding and they've apologised and said they will try and be better with it but then there is just no change?

Parents
  • I can relate to that fully, I was ALWAYS the one that was reaching out first, this was way before my recent autism diagnosis which I got on the 13th August 2024.

    I have ZERO friends in Scotland, tell a lie, I have 2 but they are English and live in a wee village not far from Callander, my other friends are English and from Bristol and Bath.

    We mostly speak on social media but, we have spent time together, this weekend I will be seeing my friend and his wife both from Bristol, as they are coming to Scotland and everytime they come to Scotland, they always invite me up so we can spend some time.

    My other friend lives in Bath and I've known him via a trash metal band that he was a founding member of, it is a World wide known band, they have done numerous tours around the World and we've been good friends for 13 years, he and his wife attended my 50th Birthday party last September, he actually turned down a gig when they were asked to perform in the same city as my party.

    He felt that being invited to my party was more important than doing a gig, that is what you call a true friend, we did get "guest listed" for the gig, most of the other bands were surprised to see them there and most said to him "Thought you turned down this gig" and he pointed at me and said "I was up for his 50th and will be spending the entire weekend in Scotland". Never had so many Birthday pints given to me that night.

    They now know of my Autism and believe it or not, they all delighted for me as they feel that I now have answers and whilst they are correct, I've lost 48 years of my life as I was struggling all those years not knowing and why I couldn't cope.

    This group I find are very supportive, so I will say, don't lose hope, if they want to be your friend then they will be, I'm very lucky, albeit it's more on Messenger than face to face but that is what makes it great, less stress of having to meet every week or something like that and let me tell you, I love it.

    You will "learn" to take a step back, I had to myself, it was the only way to see who was interested in communicating with me, it's hard not to reach out first but you will eventually overcome that itch as I called it.

    I kind of feel like Sheldon Cooper, 5 friend is enough, 6 is doable but more than 6, it's too much.

    I wish you strength and good luck.

Reply
  • I can relate to that fully, I was ALWAYS the one that was reaching out first, this was way before my recent autism diagnosis which I got on the 13th August 2024.

    I have ZERO friends in Scotland, tell a lie, I have 2 but they are English and live in a wee village not far from Callander, my other friends are English and from Bristol and Bath.

    We mostly speak on social media but, we have spent time together, this weekend I will be seeing my friend and his wife both from Bristol, as they are coming to Scotland and everytime they come to Scotland, they always invite me up so we can spend some time.

    My other friend lives in Bath and I've known him via a trash metal band that he was a founding member of, it is a World wide known band, they have done numerous tours around the World and we've been good friends for 13 years, he and his wife attended my 50th Birthday party last September, he actually turned down a gig when they were asked to perform in the same city as my party.

    He felt that being invited to my party was more important than doing a gig, that is what you call a true friend, we did get "guest listed" for the gig, most of the other bands were surprised to see them there and most said to him "Thought you turned down this gig" and he pointed at me and said "I was up for his 50th and will be spending the entire weekend in Scotland". Never had so many Birthday pints given to me that night.

    They now know of my Autism and believe it or not, they all delighted for me as they feel that I now have answers and whilst they are correct, I've lost 48 years of my life as I was struggling all those years not knowing and why I couldn't cope.

    This group I find are very supportive, so I will say, don't lose hope, if they want to be your friend then they will be, I'm very lucky, albeit it's more on Messenger than face to face but that is what makes it great, less stress of having to meet every week or something like that and let me tell you, I love it.

    You will "learn" to take a step back, I had to myself, it was the only way to see who was interested in communicating with me, it's hard not to reach out first but you will eventually overcome that itch as I called it.

    I kind of feel like Sheldon Cooper, 5 friend is enough, 6 is doable but more than 6, it's too much.

    I wish you strength and good luck.

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