social interaction and small talk - why don't we learn?

One thing I was thinking about today was how so many autists have issues with small talk and social interactions on a day-to-day basis.

This is a common autistic trait and I myself have suffered from it but what puzzles me is how so many come to understand it, have the understanding and capacity to learn about it (mostly via the internet or books) and yet won't learn how  to develop this fairly simple skill.

Is it because the "rules" of small talk are too complex to learn? I've read up on the subject and am pretty sure this is not the case.

Is it a confidence issue, a fear of social rejection issue, a demand avoidance issue or what?

I realise that in the current social inclusive environment we should be accepted for our differences, but that isn't really a message the 98% of non autists seem to have gotten in my experience.

The skills are pretty basic with straightforward rules so you would imagine this is right up most autists street yet some of the most capable autists I hear from here can't seem to come to grips with it to use it effectively.

I'm curious to hear your own thoughts as to why any of you still struggle with this.

Parents
  • Psychoanalysis suggested that humans learn these social operations through social programming very early. Apparently, the left lobe is responsible for social linguistics. Another key is executive function and Organisation of thought. And these pathways will be strong. Pruning is part of this.

    Filtering also plays a role in the ability to filter out noise and focus on the seemingly invisible language involved in small talk. So our Everything-all-at-once experience with less inhibition doesn't help. 

    According to Iain McGilchrist, the Right hemisphere (sometimes this is on the actual left for some) also has access to language but it's different. In fact, much of what he talks about regarding the differences makes me wonder if Autistics are simply wired a bit better for the right. That's speculation, but it would make a lot of sense.

    Small talk isn't simple from what I've read even though it sounds like a game with rules. But is sounds like playing chess with someone who's chess pieces are invisible. 

Reply
  • Psychoanalysis suggested that humans learn these social operations through social programming very early. Apparently, the left lobe is responsible for social linguistics. Another key is executive function and Organisation of thought. And these pathways will be strong. Pruning is part of this.

    Filtering also plays a role in the ability to filter out noise and focus on the seemingly invisible language involved in small talk. So our Everything-all-at-once experience with less inhibition doesn't help. 

    According to Iain McGilchrist, the Right hemisphere (sometimes this is on the actual left for some) also has access to language but it's different. In fact, much of what he talks about regarding the differences makes me wonder if Autistics are simply wired a bit better for the right. That's speculation, but it would make a lot of sense.

    Small talk isn't simple from what I've read even though it sounds like a game with rules. But is sounds like playing chess with someone who's chess pieces are invisible. 

Children
No Data