Published on 12, July, 2020
I've experienced social drift (a decline in social status) as a result of my severe mental illness. It's not something I've come across with those who just have ASD without an intellectual disability. Though not from a 1% type family my upbringing was more privileged than most. Prep and public school educated. Father had a goodish though not outstanding career at the Foreign office. Good enough to have an entry in 'Who's who'.
I never had a paid job as an adult, and only did a small amount of voluntary work.Before getting social housing my late wife and I lived in private lets that accepted those on out of work benefits. The only middle class thing I've retained is my left of centre socially liberal politics. I'm nowhere near as well educated as the average middle class person,nowadays, who's been to university. For various reasons, apart from a brief attempt at a history A level correspondence course soon after my 1st hospitalisation, I've brushed aside quite a few attempts to persuade me to do a college course of some kind. Although not well educated by modern standards I'm not a stupid person. I do have the somewhat spiky cognitive profile that many with ASC/ASD have.
As an autistic person I don't identify with those who are intellectually disabled or at the other end - autistic high achievers. Autistic high achievers being a subset of highly intelligent autistic people.
For better or worse I regard myself as an outlier here. Someone demographically quite different from most participants on these forums.
Feeling as an outlier is familiar to the vast majority of people who post and lurk here. And high support needs, or not, we all share what feels challenging and what works well for us, as varied as that is. You are among kin here. Your demographic is not important.
You may be, on the other hand, a seeker of a sense of 'self' and a way to establish that self as a fixed identity. This will drive most persons to distraction and never ends well, or simply never ends. So..
Here's a little exercise you can do that will help you on your way forward.
1 - Let yourself be, just be and relax into the day, the moment, without expectations of yourself or others.
2 - Let others' opinions and expectations be, and know they have nothing to do with you.
3 - in that stillness go forth and explore the every day. See without prejudice, what draws your focus naturally, what feels good when you regard it.
4 - when there's something that does not fit that good feeling, look away gently - again without prejudice - and keep looking for things that draw out joy from within you, naturally.
5 - As your steps progress, more and more, toward that which 'floats your boat' a path will begin to establish itself. There may be more than one. Don't reach for them. Let it evolve.
It is like green fruit in the mind - let it ripen on the tree and, before long, it will fall to your feet and you will know it as your own.
I want to add. Being in a situation where creating bonds out side the family structure was difficult for you as a child. You may have had to move a lot and be the "outsider" again and again. You may have set that pattern in your mind as a uneasy but familiar default setting that no longer serves you. Hence, the seeking.
Uhane said:You may have had to move a lot and be the "outsider" again and again.
Had to move quite a lot. 0-18months or so = Belgium Congo, 18months -4 =Surrey, 4-7.75= Bangkok, 7.75-8= Essex, 8-11= San Francisco, 11-16 = Essex, 16-18 = Zurich. To quote my sister - ' From what I heard from my parents however, from the age of about 4 he started to become more quiet and perhaps withdrawn.'
That's a lot of moving, a lot of languages to get used too!
Isn't about 4 the age when things like autism are often noticed for the first time?
8 years old, I feel thats way to young to be away from home and your parents, no wonder it was a jolt.
You must have been an interesting child to have done all that at such a young age.
I was just turned 8 when I went to prep school. Of course I could talk before I went to school. I just didn't start learning a foreign language till I went to prep school.According to my late father, I was talking and walking before I was 1. Reading ,self taught, before I was 4. Used to talk about 'Disney Walt' as that was how it was put in the index of the set of Children's encyclopaedia Britannica that my parents had bought. Was a bit of political animal from a young according to my father. I have zero memories of this but apparently - 'I remember you watching a lot of television and rushing into the kitchen to share the news of the Kennedy election in the fall of 1960'. Going to prep school was a major psychological jolt. First two years there I wet the bed almost every day. Luckily I'd stopped by the time I went to public school. There was no bed-wetting at home.
How old were you when you went to prep school?
Did you not speak at all before you went to school?
I only started learning languages when I went to prep school. My parents were far better linguists than I'll ever be. I just got mediocre O levels in French and Latin.I think you might be right as to when autism is often noticed for the first time.