Published on 12, July, 2020
Lately I've felt like I don't fit. Like I don't struggle enough to be considered autistic. I do struggle, of course. I probably struggle more than neurotypicals do. And I know that being autistic isn't only about struggling. But sometimes it feels like I am faking it. Like it's just another mask that I put on. These sentences are so hard to write. It's like trying to catch a specific snowflake in the blizzard that is my brain. So I'll just stop here. Have you ever felt this way?
This week very autistic, next week not so much. I’m not diagnosed, so I have only my intuition, scores from self tests and feedback from my family to go on, but I can really relate. It feels at times like there ought to be a different classification for people like us who seem to veer in and out of the condition. I just don’t know. Maybe my mask slips and a see what’s beneath then put it back on.