Abusive Relationship

Generally, I do isolate myself now though. It's been a real struggle, losing friends because of the trauma of the relationship and chronic fatigue and illness, but I've sort of come to terms with it now. I see it as time to work on my self , my daughter and my home, and come to terms with feeling safe being alone most of the time, and I hope that learning to feel comfortable with the space will mean that that space is reserved for the right person/safe people, should they come along, as I believe part of the reson for me being drawn into abusive relationships (as well as my vulnerability) is that I was fearful of abandonment and scared to be alone. 

Hi how are you doing now? It's a while since you posted this, but i've just joined and seen your post. I have ADHD (diagnosed) and suspected autism (awaiting assessment). I, too suspect ptsd after sever emotional abuse. My partner was very narcissistic. I had counselling for years, even while i was with him, as I wanted to be a 'better partner' for him. She helped me to realise that I wasn't the problem and that it was abusive, but I really needed help to leave. i didn't know then that I was autistic or had adhd, but i suspect ,my adhd was a big factor in my being less able to leave, as i forgot the bad stuff continually and focused on the love bombing and the apparent closeness in front of me. Eventually he tired of me when his interests took him elsewhere as i became chronically ill. I managed to stay away for good with help from a local abuse charity, those I still get confused, doubt myself, and forget that it was abuse. 

The local organisation that helped me were great - it helped that one girl in the group was neurodivergent, and one of the course leaders, so they were very aware and attuned to our needs. However , i started the second group and struggled a bit more as the different women in this group seemed neurotypical and I struggled to continue, because of that and the change, I think.

Have you been to any similar groups?

Hi there, sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. 

I grew up with abuse, but it was normalized, it was the default of the family, an it was not seen as abuse. I only know was abuse, because in examples between dysfunctional families and healthy families, I resonate with the dysfunctional families, while I didn't believe that the healthy family was being real, almost like they're too nice to the point of being fraudulent. Of course, I've developed healthier relationships since then, but that's just how I thought when I was younger.

But my main point is that if this type of dysfunctional environment was normal to you somehow, then you might not pick up on "the signs" that other people might take notice of. Also, love has a way of blinding people, and you might excuse your partner's bad behavior because you still think highly of them. Taking some time to recover, will help you gain perspective about your circumstances.