Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm told that autistic people have areas of special interest, mine is humans, I know I am one, I know others are too, but I don't understand my own species, so I study them, I didn't realise until a year or so ago that I was doing it. I used to be a counsellor and was quite good at it, I think it was because of not despite being autistic, it allows me to see others problems as an abstract whilst still empathising. I think we get told we're not good with emotions, personally I think that rubbish, we might feel overwhelmed by them and some people seem to have storm force auras, but we do feel.
What are your specialisms and interests?
I'm good at writing, I am a trained journalist, and worked freelance over covid after I left uni. I've always loved writing and excelled in any English/English-related subject at school and college. Now I use all the skills I learned for my job in marketing. :-)
In terms of special interests, when I was younger I was obsessed with rock bands, and I had such intense crushes on singers/musicians to the point of learning so much about them. When I got bored of them I moved onto the next guy, looking back it was definitely special interest territory, but also very cringe.
Nowadays, I love reading about mythology, conspiracy theories, spirituality, UFOs, anything weird and wonderful.
You have a very interesting interest - I've heard similar interests from other autistic people. Trying to understand and learn as much about people as possible as a way to understand them, especially NT people.
There are some emotions I dont' have, such as jealousy, I know lots of people who wish they didn't sufer from it either. I think sometimes we might mislable emotions and not know what we're feeling. I wonder how much of it is internalising hetronormative behaviours about what we should and shouldn't feel?
Language can feel very inadaqute to descibe the intensity of what we're feeling and sometimes I think we're pressured to say we're feeling something when we really don't, like being sorry for something, when we might not even understand why it's "wrong", for example why should I feel sorry when I've said something rude to someone who's said something rude to me? It can feel like everyone elses feelings matter except mine and ASD is used as an excuse to brow beat me into saying or feeling something I don't agree with. Now I just carry on regardless, my feelings are as important as everyone elses and my neurological status is irrelevant. It's one of the games that NT people play to keep their social order and positions, I've got very good at spotting these games over the years and deciding if I want to play them or not.