Published on 12, July, 2020
I found school a traumatising experience and I still don’t think I’m completely recovered yet. I don’t know what the worst part was – the noise, bullying, lack of understanding from horrible teachers, the difficulty in fitting in, trouble finding classes because the school was split up into buildings so you had maths in building A and then science in building D. I never did get used to that.
I did enjoy the learning though. I still like to learn now but prefer doing it from home watching videos on YT and reading books on how to do this and that. It’s how I learnt to play the guitar and how I learnt to make my own bird box for the birds in my garden. I think all children should get to learn from home because it would make schooling a lot more fun, if you don’t mind being on your own.
My favourite time was the holidays. I could stay home and shut myself in my room without fear of having to go to school and face all the dread and horrors. Back then I never wanted summer to end!
At school I did attempt to make friends but I got bullied and gave up in the end. I did make one friend though, another girl who was also bullied. We bonded over the fact we were targeted by the bullies. It was a friendship that lasted though. The only good thing to come out of me going to school.
In general I did not enjoy school. From start to finish it was absolute hell. My worst memory of it was my maths teacher, a woman who knew I had anxiety and hated having to talk and she always made me stand up and answer questions when she knew I couldn’t answer it correctly.
Luckily that is all over now. I would never go back and anyone who has to go to school has my sympathies.
Without the benefit of established procedures and competence, I’m quite sure that a lot of the horrors of schooling went straight over my head, instead I am just left with a bad taste in my mouth.
Some of the fondest friendship-experiences that I hold onto, were on reflection, the stances-taken in the face a horrendous acts of intimidation and harassment.
None of what I use to gauge and quantify my experiences now, I used to measure my schooling-experience as it occurred, so I find I don’t really register it, I just know that it was ineffective and traumatising.
It was largely just a corrupting and regrettable experience, that wasn’t something I could’ve controlled, the only thing I could’ve controlled was what I took away from it. Such as the acquisition of a stout-heart, in defence of my companions, who on reflection were only exploiting me as a decoy in the face of oppression..