Published on 12, July, 2020
I found school a traumatising experience and I still don’t think I’m completely recovered yet. I don’t know what the worst part was – the noise, bullying, lack of understanding from horrible teachers, the difficulty in fitting in, trouble finding classes because the school was split up into buildings so you had maths in building A and then science in building D. I never did get used to that.
I did enjoy the learning though. I still like to learn now but prefer doing it from home watching videos on YT and reading books on how to do this and that. It’s how I learnt to play the guitar and how I learnt to make my own bird box for the birds in my garden. I think all children should get to learn from home because it would make schooling a lot more fun, if you don’t mind being on your own.
My favourite time was the holidays. I could stay home and shut myself in my room without fear of having to go to school and face all the dread and horrors. Back then I never wanted summer to end!
At school I did attempt to make friends but I got bullied and gave up in the end. I did make one friend though, another girl who was also bullied. We bonded over the fact we were targeted by the bullies. It was a friendship that lasted though. The only good thing to come out of me going to school.
In general I did not enjoy school. From start to finish it was absolute hell. My worst memory of it was my maths teacher, a woman who knew I had anxiety and hated having to talk and she always made me stand up and answer questions when she knew I couldn’t answer it correctly.
Luckily that is all over now. I would never go back and anyone who has to go to school has my sympathies.
Just copying my reply from an earlier, trauma themed, thread:
School for me was a nightmare.
In Junior school I was bullied and because I couldn't see the blackboard due to myopia (and no-one picked up on it) I think I lost out on some schooling.
I used to wear my older sisters' or mum's clothes + shoes to school as I didn't have much of my own = more bullying.
I didn't pass the 11+ so went to a Secondary Modern school (for girls).
Those schools were in place for people who weren't expected to take exams.
Both my schools were in the poorest areas of Portsmouth, very rough + with poor teaching standards.
It was only when the Secondary School became Comprehensive that the school improved, with an influx of Grammar pupils and teachers.
So, against all odds, I ended up with some 'O' and 'A' levels.
We were the 1st pupils to take 'A' levels in that school (ie ever).
The bullying was relentless which would have been due to being pretty, very different ie autistic, wearing glasses and old hand-me-down clothes and eventually excelling academically (relatively speaking).
The bullying has haunted me all my life.
This was against a background of complex relationships, a mentally unstable mother, my parents being unhappily married but still together and sharing a bedroom with my older sister in a noisy council house where there was no quiet place to study or think or do anything really.
We had originally been in our own house but Portsmouth City Council in the 1970s compulsorily repossessed loads of Victorian housing in the city, demolished it and replaced it with council owned.
These are not happy memories and much of my earlier life, home and school, was filled with trauma.
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/29271/school-trauma/257439#257439
I'm so sorry to read of your experience at school, Debbie. It sounded awful for you at times. Bullying causes scars and memories that don't appear to heal. I think in some ways this changes us and makes us kinder, so I've observed in others anyhow.
Also I relate regards your mother. My mother who I expect was autistic was not really fit to be in charge of children, I admire her though for her efforts and the kindness she gave when she herself was battling greater inner battles. I know how hard it is at such a tender age having to go through that, watch it happen to someone you love. Hugs, Debbie, if wanted.
Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Hugs, Debbie, if wanted
Welcome and returned, thanks