Published on 12, July, 2020
I found school a traumatising experience and I still don’t think I’m completely recovered yet. I don’t know what the worst part was – the noise, bullying, lack of understanding from horrible teachers, the difficulty in fitting in, trouble finding classes because the school was split up into buildings so you had maths in building A and then science in building D. I never did get used to that.
I did enjoy the learning though. I still like to learn now but prefer doing it from home watching videos on YT and reading books on how to do this and that. It’s how I learnt to play the guitar and how I learnt to make my own bird box for the birds in my garden. I think all children should get to learn from home because it would make schooling a lot more fun, if you don’t mind being on your own.
My favourite time was the holidays. I could stay home and shut myself in my room without fear of having to go to school and face all the dread and horrors. Back then I never wanted summer to end!
At school I did attempt to make friends but I got bullied and gave up in the end. I did make one friend though, another girl who was also bullied. We bonded over the fact we were targeted by the bullies. It was a friendship that lasted though. The only good thing to come out of me going to school.
In general I did not enjoy school. From start to finish it was absolute hell. My worst memory of it was my maths teacher, a woman who knew I had anxiety and hated having to talk and she always made me stand up and answer questions when she knew I couldn’t answer it correctly.
Luckily that is all over now. I would never go back and anyone who has to go to school has my sympathies.
Schools aren't ideal environments for us at all, are they? But again, I think that's because they aren't designed with us in mind.
My middle school was horrendous. I was big time bullied and blamed by the head master for being bullied: "If only I were like the other children" he said, while games teachers covertly endorsed the ritual humiliation of my complete inability to catch a ball, and propensity to cry if turned upside down. But hey! That was the 1970s.
I got luckier in secondary. The bullying subsided and there was a more arty set of clever mavericks who were natural friends for me (a couple turned out to be autistic too - like attracts like huh?) And the fact that I was academic and my teachers liked me helped a great deal.
Schools ain't great for autistic adults either. I worked in one once - never again! I really couldn't handle all that rush here, rush there, constantly task switching to the tempo of the bells blasting my ears to smithereens while the bitchy office staff engage in NT game playing at it's worst. God! It was worse than being at school myself.
I'm sorry you've had such an awful experience. I think a lot of autistic people have had their education ruined and bare the emotional scars of a school life which is an autistic nightmare. It's so sad because it doesn't need to be that way. When the environment is right we can enjoy school too. I loved my 5th and 6th forms - happy days!
School in the 70s sounded rough. I don't consider my time at school in the early 2000s that good but definitely was easier than what you endured by the sounds of it.
Bless you, Dawn. I'm sorry you went through so much yourself. School leaves its mark on us all, in one way or another.