New pet

I am the same in expending a lot of mental energy in digesting and ruminating over negative things. It can send my anxiety levels sky high! I then worry about all the possible consequences.

 I wish I could just live in the moment and not fret so much, but it is difficult.

i hope your pets give you some peace and good karma like mine do. I feel happier and more balanced being around animals.

that is great you managed to get some voluntary work! Enjoy it!

Hello!

It got better in terms of not having anything to do with the person anymore, but in terms of it lasting in my head- it went on for days and days and days, causing me alot of anxiety and tiredness from the mental energy- can't explplain it v.well, but does that happen to other people with aspergers-where if something horrid happens, it takes alot longer for them to process it causing exhaustion e.t.c? Have now got myself the tiniest bit of voluntary work! Glad your week improved by Fri, hope it's continued to go ok?

Lovely to hear about your beardie, i think they are so intuative,friendly pets. They have such a personality. Glad to hear your puppy is becoming more socialised/habitualised and calmer. 

My cat is less apathetic now, it's the starting of his life meds that did it-he's been diagnosed with one of those cat life medical conditions- so i'm trying to get used to everything/get my head around it all. My other animals touch wood are doing ok.

I hope your week got better after Tuesday? I had a strange week but it did improve by Friday.

All of my pets are doing fine at the moment. We just got a bigger tank for the bearded lizard so he has more space to move around. We do let him out fairly often anyway, but thought he could do with a nicer tank.

the puppy is getting bigger and bigger. He is now 8 months old and thankfully settling down more. 

How is your cat doing? I hope it isn't anything serious?

i think when you start a new thread, the first post stays at the top. I just go to 'post new comment' at the bottom to reply to the last post. I am not sure what 'post reply' at the top does?

Hi,

oops-somehow my writting has gone into large font!

Sorry to hear you had such a tough time- unfortunately it seem's people aren't as people type people/ sympathetic as they claim and can lead to all sorts of confusion. Plus some people haven't learn't people skills and so all sorts of communcation problems happen. Plus if they have self esteem issues,problems with transference,displacement,projection e.t.c then in an office environment,or anywhere in life, it can be a breeding ground for problems. Plus if people have chamelion like tendencies/personality types/mood swings e.t.c for somebody with aspergers it can be very confusing/stressful and make you ill.  i think alot of people with aspergers cope when people are consistent e.t.c, but with people being brought up with problems, it can be very tough. i think your right in finding people whom are kind and can relate to you,because they have struggled with challenges and so are more warming- i hope i can settle with better type people. having/or had a bad week and it's only tuesday- apologies for my font being large-no idea what button i've pressed!

Couldn't voluteer at a hospice-they tend to pass away and with the elderly, i get chronic fatigue for a few days once in a while and with experience of my Nanna, she used to ask me to do alot and wouldn't stop nagging! So it would be too much like hard work.

How are your pets lately? My cat is unwell and on medication, it's making him apathetic-so i worry. The rest of my pets are doing well-enjoying some fresh blue autumn weather.

When you start a new thread, does your post state at the top view/edit all the time? I worry. When i post new threads, it posts it, but then stays stuck on- view/edit. I've looked at others new thread/ posts and theirs say ''post reply'' at the top of their new thread. Mine goes view/reply!It keeps happening to me-and i'm not sure why?

I know how you feel. People can be awful sometimes, particularly in a competitive work environment (in my experience). My last job was awful. I toughed it out for a lonag time but the people were so nasty, manipulative, selfish, self-righteous, etc. I didn't want to get forced to leave so tried to fight them to keep my position (it was a very good job). 

But in the end though, I couldn't stand the stress and anxiety I felt at getting bullied and out-competed, manipulated, and a boss who favoured that type of person over someone quiet but hard working. Everyone was shocked when I handed my notice in to leave, as it was a good career job and one I could have stayed in for a long time if the people hadn't been so awful.

so I left for another job which turned out badly also. I had a terrible line manager who was nice initially but turned out to be very bullying and controlling. I left after 6 months. then I got lucky and a new job came along which I have just started. The people are a lot nicer and I think I will be able to settle in. 

My way of coping with this sort of situation is just to keep moving on until I find a better environment. 

I still need to start that other thread about coping, so will try to do that today.

As for feeling lonely, what about volunteering at a hospice or care home for the elderly? elderly people with no families around I am sure would appreciate someone coming to talk to them. Or maybe going to visit elderly people who live alone? I am sure they would be grateful for the company. I used to visit an elderly fellow once a week or so back when I used to live on my own. It breaks up the long periods of solitude. It is just an idea.

i know what you mean about getting attached to the animals in a sanctuary. It is very hard to let them go.

Hi,

Thank-You. I don't have any choice but to run my own bussiness. I've tried working the conventional way, but it just makes me mentally and physically ill and therapy and relaxation therapies don't seem to make it any easier. So as beyond stressful and worrying as it is, i don't have any choice.

Sorry to hear you also know what it's like experiencing bullies- if it was emotional bullying, it can be one of the hardest things to explain to people, it can come out as thin air to the people you are telling, but that's why bullies emotionally bully, they know it can affect you, but know it's subtle enough to get away with doing it for longer. Is anybody at your work now emotionally bullying you?

My concern about working at an animal sanctuary e.t.c, is that i get so attatched, i feel like all animals are my family, that if one had to be euthanised, i would be heart broken. Either that or the manager would just put me on cleaning out duty-so not as rewarding as actually working with the animals. I have applied now to support dogs charity to put out collection tins and possibly be a bucket shaker and canine partners to do the same-but canine partners is done from head office in another part of the UK. So no opportunity to meet people, but i'd be out an about.And next week have an email task for a leading charity to do something supportive- can't say what though. But from home again.Have an email in my draft box waiting to send to the unsupportive vol work i applied for saying please can yo put my application on hold e.t.c  So still stuck how to meet people.

In my area,there is an aspergers children's support group and adults only meet once a month in an evening and they go bowling- but as i have no income, no benefits, it's a luxury i can't afford! I can't set up one myself as i only told my family and close frineds, that are old school friends,i have aspergers, but they now live elsewhere in the UK. They have some intelligence to get it, well some of them do. But i don't tell everybody because i have been emotionally bullied by my neighbours and intimindated, so i spent two years living indoors to get away from them. If i had an Aspie group, they'd find out and all the severe gossiping, bullying and ignorance e.t.c would start again!  I haven't had a good time at all- so still stuck how to meet people. I know someone my neighbours know, whom now grown up son has  autism and they called him weired to his face- so they aren't understanding, thoughtful people and i'd worry they'd call me odd et.c if they found out i had aspergers.

I know we need human contact. i'm the same as you. i love time out to myself, but don't mind some people,like being with some types of people some times. But how is my prob.

I hate feeling lonely too, but love the space. But i like a certain personality  type. In the past few years i've only met self ricouse, arrogant, stereotyping, people that just sterotyped me, tried to put me into the 'normal' box, tried to 'project' me and change me, condition me and would only ask me questions to try and sort me, invade my privacy,but wouldn't look at their own problems. They also bullied m a little, which was bad enough and kept testing me about my knowldege, which was thoughtless, when i was in the middle of a break down and my memory had gone due to phenominal stress and worry. They were also hypocryts. So somehow, i need to meet that type of personality that aren't self riceous, not over confident but play meek and don't want to 'project' me. I relax, when i meet people that aren't like that.

I'm glad you have a partner and your animals, i get very ill not having anybody around daily, even though i need solitude breaks. it is hard sometimes. Thats why i kill myself with exercise, to keep up and busy.

You are so brave working for yourself and running your own business. I couldn't do it. I would worry too much about not having a steady income. But I applaud you for having the guts to run your own business. You should be proud of yourself.

other people should not be able to hack your website if you set one up for your business. They should be more focussed on marketing themselves than breaking the competition. But I do know what bullies are like first hand!

that is a shame about your voluntary work. Have you thought about volunteering at an animal sanctuary or shelter? I have done that and it is so rewarding. And you clearly love animals so would meet people with the same love for animals.

or maybe you could organise an Aspie meeting in your area? It sounds very sad that you are lonely. I know we Aspies have a hard time socialising but it is hard to be so alone. Sometimes we need human contact too. 

I really need to be on my own a lot but hate feeling lonely. It is a hard balance. I am lucky that I have a partner to live with who shares some of my issues. We both love the animals too. I am not sure if I could cope being on my own. 

Hello!

I know what you mean about the exhaustion that comes with being with people all day and the pressures and expetations and the constant busyness and chat, and if it's with people that are opinionated/misconstrued you  or want it their way, or work with people that are not people people,then it is exhausting. And that's ontop of having to do the actual work too. I tried it that way and in the 90's chronic fatigue wasn't recognised, so i just struggled on and ontop of everything alse, it was hurrendously exhausting.

That's one reason why i'd hoped for a dog, so i could go for walks, more gentle than hard core exercise, you get outdoors, meet people, but i'm not in any possition to have one-and my cat is so important, i couldn't risk distressing/loosing him.

Non of my family are close, and so 4 times a year when i see them, i can feel very good, but it is short lived. So i just have my animals. But i get social exhaustion if i do have a long time with them, but i don't mind because am glad to see them.

i get very sad my bussiness hasn't been noticed/non existent. i worry silly. I can't work out why it isn't working my prices are good, i have qualifications, i am kind, i have knowledge, i can't advertise it on facebook or other social media as i am a bit vulnerable, and could be open to people in the same line of bussiness sabotaging my web pages. I can't afford to be bullied ever again! I do worry that people that have the same type of bussiness have spread false gossip about me, in order to keep customers, but there are 20 other similar bussiness, so they'd have to spread gossip about all of them to keep their customers.

I just applied for voluntary work with people you'd think would understand, but i am very upset and stressed. And confused-the person say's they are kind-the role comes with being kind, but they aren't listening properly. My BMJ book of stress say's to make things less stressful, to be orgnised and pre plan your journey e.t.c, so i emailed the organiser and asked a request and she wouldn't change the plan to make things less stressful, she makes it look like it's me that has to change, but aspergers is aspergers and it isn't something to control/change. I thought my suggestion was a good idea, but possibly the coordinator is trying to make me look dumb by accident- but if i don't go for the voluntary work, i spend months not really seeing anybody-it is very bad, i get so ill from the isolation and some months it'a a huge emotional strugle and it's exhausting. So i'm not sure what to do. I could do other vol work, but it means it's the type where i possibly may not meet people. And with all my fur babies e.t.c i only have certain hours free.

It is very stressful and hard working for myself- i get worried silly and so upset beacuse i may be parranoid, but worry it may be because people don't like me-but they don't know me.

I felt really sad reading your post. It is so awful how people behave and how they have no idea or don't care how their behaviour can make other people feel so sad or bad about themselves.

i am glad we can share the feelings though. It can be a very sad and lonely world so it is good to know there are others out there who we can share our experiences with. It is less lonely then. 

I am glad for you that you realise you are fine the way you are and accept yourself. That is all we can do really, and try not to let others get to us. That can be very difficult to do in reality though.

you are lucky you can work for yourself, even if it can be hard at times. I have to interact with people all day long at my work and it is exhausting. 

Hello!

I know were going off subjects of new pets now, so will look forward to new thread in few weeks-thanx for explaining- same with me- if i never reply on the society for a while, it's for other reasons, and i come back again.

I AM SO RELIEVED!! You have described exactly what life is like for me!!!! And how people see me, when i'm not like that, i just have aspergers.i get so ill sometimes and get so stressed,because people always bully me or twist it to make it look it's all like my problem and try to make me change, when i'm fine with alot of things how i am!!

That's why i don't go to work, because i have tried it that way so many times and i always come across horrid,self riceous, changy,patronising, sometimes controlling people and i get so ill,plus i get so anxious and stressed with the bossess expectations and putitng on me and control. if it happens just when i meet people in day to day life now, how would i cope with work, people keep trying to push me into work like that, even though i set up my own bussiness, and because it is beyond non existent( i can't say what i do for confidentiality) people are like ohh, try to get into work, they have no idea what it's like that way and forget i tell them why i can't do it that way, it's not even resistance, i know myself well and i'm not making pathetic excuses! i don't even get benefits,i can't go on job seekers as they have so many rules and the purpose is for that one is to make you go into work, or you can't have it, so a parent gives me money for living- the emotional impact of my bussiness being so slow is hurrendous and i feel hurrendously ill at times, my one friend is just arrogant, and thoughtless, and belittleing and only her perception counts, so i feel a bit bullied, so i don't see her.my other lovely friends don't live here,so i am just on my own most of the time.

People assue i'm dumb e.t.c and assume i think i'm perfect and assume i think i know everything and assume i think i'm amazing, they don't know me and how i suffer! i'm so sorry you get bullied and got bullied. I hope it hasn't had a lasting impact on you?

Even exercise doesn't cure me sometimes as the effect of my bussiness being beyond slow knocks me down badly again, so i have to do more exercise and so i get exhausted, it's a constant circular battle sometimes. Sometimes, even my fur babies don't help, maybe  it's because i am so stressed sometimes, but perhaps they do help, and it's just i don't feel their love and effects emidiately. I've got through the last ten years, with it being like that permanantly, so maybe their is something to be said for having animals in our lives. They are so patient and understanding and don't have horridly thoughtless, twisted personalities and don't make me look wrong.

I know exactly what you mean about people being horrid. I have just come out of a truly awful job where I was getting bullied and criticised by several people (including my boss). I figured it was because I am so quiet and come across as shy and naive with no confidence. People then assume you are dumb I guess or try to bully and control you as they think you are weak. 

I admire how you cope by exercising! I am not that healthy. I drink to calm my anger or anxiety, then end up feeling worse the next day. 

I will start a new thread soon as it would be an interesting discussion to see how others cope. I will be offline for about a week though as having an old friend come to visit. I don't want you to think I am ignoring you. 

Thank-you, he is exceptionally well looked after and loved. Couldn't mannage without him. As far as i know you can get the mags online. Expect you know alot about puppy training already.

I'll let you post the new thread to ask people about how they cope with thoughtless/ignorant people. Maybe they could also say about any particular situation where people have caused them phenominal stress/upset-for me it's people that are over confident and belittle and patronise me and try to condition and conrtrol me and don't respect the fact that sometimes i am right and i have enough life experience to know what i'm doing- so i have my animals and exercise-though i get affected by people and opinions e.t.c so much, i have to do way too much exercise to try and cope, so i am exhausted because of the amount of exercise i have to do to get rid of the horrid people.

It sounds like you are doing an amazing job looking after your cat in a difficult situation. I haven't seen any of the dog or cat magazines but might check them out. can you get them online?

i know what you mean about bonding with animals. We are very lucky to have that to offset the upset and distress we feel dealing with people. I hope other people on this forum have found something to help them cope. Maybe we should start another thread and ask? It would be interesting to find out.

HI,

I get Your cat magazine and the last few issues have tackled the issue-so the advice on going to the council e.t.c is in back issues. It's very good. Dog magazines are great too- i.e your dog. Do you get any of these magazines? They are jam packed with advice.

My cat is very well looked after, i am abe to keep an eye and scout the area and lock him in accordingly-sometimes he is locked in way before his curfew.

The rare times i am able to cry, i feel refreshed, relieved and catharthasised.

I think we are privalidged to have that special bond and understanding with animals. I expect that people with aspergers e.t.c whom don't connect with animals/like caring for them and have huge upset/distress when they come across certain personality types,  may get the same relaxing feeling, interest with something else, like walking amongst nature, reading,baking. Hope so, because i know how bad it can be with people and it is nice to have animals that just love and dote on you and don't control you. Or something calming that takes them away from people/rules.

i didn't realise about the cat law but thank goodness there is some way for cat owners to fight back. Your poor cat doesn't understand but you have to keep him indoors most of the time for his own safety.

it is very hard sometimes to let go and just cry. I can only do that when I am completely on my own and in my own space. I can't say as I feel any better, but I guess it gets some of the bottled up emotions out. I usually only cry when I hit rock bottom, or something affects me very deeply like the loss of a much loved pet.

I am so glad that I have such a bond with animals. I feel bad for people like us who aren't great at social skills with other people but don't have that bond with animals. I feel grateful to be able to feel that strong bond with another creature.

Hi, thank-you. But all those options have been exhausted over the years. Now a new cat law has come in for unusually agressive cats, where if you collect enough evidence, you can now get the council to serve an abaitment notice to the owners, and they have to keep the cat indoors, as my cat whom is minding his own, has the right to exercise and freedom of freshair. The police have spoken to them, so i'm in the middle of collecting enough evidence. My cat is a part time indoor/outdoor cat-he is desparate to go out, so he just has a couple of hours. If their a cat that has the personality to need to go out, then a few hours is kinder-my cat is strapping and needs the tiny bit of exercise, but because i love him, i am rigid at locking him in. 

I bottle everything up too, it makes me feel so ill. I don't know how to cry sometimes, my head just does complicated thinking. It gets very stressful and get stressed i can't cry so much. Some people seem to be able to cry easily and i know it would do me good, if i knew how.

Your chinchillas are cute sounding. My piggies do that too- it means they think you are special. Puppy's ae so adorable when they're learning. I make a scrap book of my pets with all the adorable, funny type things they do.

Oh that sounds awful about your poor cat getting beaten up by another cat in the neighbourhood! Could you ring the RSPCA? Maybe they could find the aggressive cat's owner and talk to them? It is terrible that is causing so much harm to your cat and anxiety for you!

i suppose that is one benefit of having a dog vs a cat. You don't have to worry about them wandering around by themselves. I would worry a lot too and probably keep my cat indoors. 

And you are right about crying being a stress reliever. I don't ever allow myself to cry unless I feel really really bad. I just bottle everything up inside. I know that isn't healthy but I always got yelled at for crying when I was a kid, so learned that it was better not to.

my chinchillas have been very happy lately. They do this very cute nibbling on your fingers, hand, foot or ear when they are feeling happy and want to bond with you. 

our puppy is now learning to lift his leg as he passes bushes, corners, post boxes, etc. it is very funny when he doesn't get the balance right though and nearly falls over! And he got confused the other day and lifted his front paw as well as his back leg too!

Hello!

I had cats growing up too-made me feel very loved and safe! I worry now, when my cat gets snuggly under covers as to how he breathes-must be a common anxiety. He gets beaten up alot and the police e.t.c are involved. The cat is unaturally aggressive-my cat has been scratched to shreds this time. The bully cat beats up all the kittens too in the neighbourhood, the owners can't get a cat flap, so the unaturally agressive cat roams the neighbourhood,so my cat just has a few hours a day out as he loves out side and if he can't go he won't relent until he's out. The unaturally agressive cat is clever enough to smash down the cat flap at night and in the day, causing me to become v.stressed,shaking anxious and can't get over it. so i have to batten down the hatches and everything. At the start of the year my cat nearly died! He got severely beaten up i took him to the vet and she said artheritis and sent hi away twice, when he was dying from sceptacemia from an un detected abcess or three from his beatings-he had to go under anaesthetic to have them popped e.t.c it was awful. i was numb and couldn't cry! i wish i could, i fel so much better fro crying-it's a stress reliever.  He made it through and i just have to keep him out for an hour or two. mY cat used to get amarous with his fluffy bed, so i had to take it away,he sleeps on my bed now, but he did it because he was anxious, so feliway or adaptil is the dog version for anxeity in dogs. I wonder how he'll cope with firework-let us know Has he been socialised to lots of sounds yet? i get that loving them so much feeling too.

Hi, 

your cat sounds very sweet. I had a cat growing up. She used to sleep in my bed with me (under the sheets, near my feet). I could never figure out how she could breathe! I hope your cat doesn't get beaten up by other cats too often? My puppy is a boy and is definitely getting into teenage years. He gets quite amorous with his fluffy bed! 

i love him so much though. It is hard to put into words. I couldn't live without animals in my life.

Hi,

I know, some people don't think about what they're doing and just go into breeding blind, without realising all the mistakes that can happen.

Your puppy is doing really well, it's lovely to hear. My cat used to get excited about everything too-he's still as kitten'ish as ever and he'll be ten in a few weeks. He finds everything so interesting. Hopefully your puppy will have a nice balance of enjoying life, but being sensible by roads e.t.c. My cat snores too- it is soooo cute when animals snore, and funny. I would like to do an animal corse, but i'd have to save up first. My cat is at the vet alot lately, he gets bullied alot.so have to be sensible.