Small changes adding up, really struggling, is it my autism?

I've not got any real advice to offer, but I do have solidarity because I'm also feeling the same way. Us autistics are not good with change, and the small changes definitely pile on top of one another for me too, and the NTs don't seem to understand quite what an effect those things can have. My team has changed dramatically with turnover in the last 6 months, and now another is leaving in September, it's changed so many things. Plus they're now moving where we work physically (changing floor), and processes seem to change all the time and it's so draining. So I'm not much help, but you're not alone and yes I think this could well be highly linked to the autism - it is for me. 

It does sound like it could be your autism. I find stress in one area can affect me generally. I don't have any advice, just to say the other advice on this page sounds good. But I wanted to say you don't sound like a control freak. I think sometimes we come across that way to other people, but we're just trying to get clear in our heads what is happening and what we can expect.

I like the Act like an Ant idea! I usually schedule far too much then feel bad I haven't done it. Today I lost the whole morning to a headache and started already behind.

I remember before I self diagnosed I had realized that I struggle at work if too many changes. There are a lot of things I can't change so I have had to find ways of managing this. My manager is aware of this and I have had many discussions, sometimes by sending an email regarding the issues first. Two things I find help are asking for as much information and notice as possible and arranging places to go if I need some space away from people.

Regarding moving house, I had a difficult time when I moved in and found lots of things needed doing. I prioritized the things that were most essential so they were sorted over a long period. It has taken longer but things feel better each time something is done. I allow breaks in between too as I find the stress of someone coming affects me for a while before, then need time to get over it.

It sounds as if you have too much going on at the moment. Major transitions are stressful, even when prepared and require practical steps to navigate. One important action will be to take time for yourself to indulge in small things you enjoy. This requires making a list of everything which is important - anything financially looming, for example, and what can wait. When life is constantly changing, we all need something to keep us grounded. 

Munchkin said:

I have a colleague who doesn't do what he says he will,

This is a nightmare, and requires sharp diplomatic skills. If this individual impacts your responsibilities, it might be important to ask them directly, and maybe with a light or humorous style what's up. Could they be undiagnosed ADHD? Could they have too much going on at home? You don't have to make it personal, and you can always suggest to "help me help you" if need be. The best approach is to say that "I end up feeling stressed when you don't follow through with what you said you would." Perhaps priorities change?  If a kind attempt to reason with them doesn't work, I would then speak to a manager in private and ask for Help Troubleshooting the Dilemma. Make it impersonal. This is more work than it should be for everyone.

Munchkin said:

I can cope with change but it really ups my stress levels

If change affects us biologically, then we're not really "coping". It's important to take time to evaluate my long-term goals. If I don't have any, continue to ask myself what I want. If I'm spiritual I might meditate/pray/listen - humans aren't really a great design for modern life, IMO. 

Our autistic 'nature' or inclinations (from a few years peeling through the research) besides a different set of values for using language, include a heightened sensory awareness (to various intensities), and this everything-all-at-once brain that can hyper-focus on details - a different sense of Time, essentially, and needs to be minded so we're not rushed. It seems to me we all work best when allowed to finish one thing at a time. When not suffering ambiguity or interruptions. And change is an interruption. Too many loose ends or things unresolved for the Autist can be incredibly de-stabilising. And this can be the flip side to a natural inclination to finalise a thing to its exacting precision (not perfection but precision). 

I have a feeling that due to sense-perceiving too much already, it can drive more of a need to put the chaos into order. That isn't a bad thing, it should never be dismissed. The drivenness we might feel can also create a sort of intensity that NTs find difficult to understand. 

I have a million and one tasks due to working from home. I make lists and try to adhere to long-term and short-term goal setting. Then, I remember we can only do so much and to schedule a walk through the park in every day. The principle I work with is "Act like an Ant" - sort a little every day, minding the more important things are done in a timely manner. But I also have the agency and liberty to not have to suffer ambiguous others or those who are not dependable. And not allow those who don't live by a certain set of standards to impact my life. This one thing can actually help a great deal.

Hello Munchkin, you sound like you need to find ways to stop the stress from taking hold as what you describe is just everyday life and all the technicolour gusher of unpredictability that it brings.

It may give you more of a sense of control if you take on ways to calm yourself and change your way of focussing on the challenge of the moment. Meditation can help with the first and mindfulness with the second ( https://www.healthline.com/health/mind-body/what-is-mindfulness )

The stresses are magnified by autism but you can regain more control.

Before asking for reasonable adjustments I would read up a lot more on autism and understand your own symptoms, triggers and recovery first so you can explain what you want the adjustments to be and be able to explain why.

Hopefully your employer won't ask to see your diagnosis as you don't have one, but if they do then find out where to get one, how long it takes and what it costs (there are a few threads on that here).

I would recommend a diagnosis anyway as this can also pick up things like ADHD or bipolar disorder that often present with similar symptoms to autism but need different approaches or treatments.

By doing the above you are educating youself, preparing yourself and advocating for your own wellbeing - that should be empowering and help you copy much better with the stress you are encountering.