Some days it's hard being a Jedi

I follow Jediism spiritually. I'm a huge Star Wars fan and I wear my Lightsaber loud and proud in appropriate environments. That being said, I practice a few of the Jedi's beliefs I've read about from various sources. And it's almost a religion to me. I'm not apart of any one religion per sey, but I do believe in most. I was always raised to help others in need. From family, friends, people I dislike if it saves face, and even total strangers. And I'm around very few people that I have a problem with that I can ignore.

Here recently, people have been testing my patience and faith.

Some of the problems I've had with people started in the recent weeks when my boyfriend FINALLY quit his old job and moved to a job he actually enjoys. He wanted to constantly go up and see his friends back at his old job. And I voiced my opinion that I didn't want to be included. His friends and coworkers were not very open to being friendly with me as much as him, even though I was a regular visitor. On his off days, we would go up there before he quit and the crew would greet him and absolutely ignore me. And I voiced this to him so much that he finally got the hint that I no longer wanted to make these daily trips to the restaurant anymore. Which he agreed to do. I mean, the very same crew of friends he had worked with are some of the very same people who made him want to quit his job in the first place. And on top of being rude to both of us, I just didn't see a reason why we should continue to visit the people who made my boyfriend's life Hell. Now he's got a job up the road from that one and a shift that he enjoys working and so far all is well (Knock on wood).

Another issue that came up was one where my boyfriend had walked our dog outside near the woods by our apartment and came back in and warned me that a homeless couple was staying back there. So me being loveable ol me with a heart too big for my own good brought the couple two freshly nuked hot pockets and two root beers on a clean plate and left it where they can find it. The very next morning, I find the plate in the middle of the yard, and the enterence way to the wooded area completely full of trash which was most definitely NOT AT ALL there the evening previously. Candy wrappers, empty soda bottles, fountain drink cups, scratch off tickets, and God only knows what else under and around the yard. The couple had trashed a perfectly good and well kept wooded area entrance like they owned the place. Needless to say after I had given them the benefit of the doubt (something my boyfriend was uncomfortable with me doing) and offering them a hot meal, and that is the way they left the place, I was seeing every shade of red. I had did something totally selfless and against my safety and better judgement to give a helping hand. And the pair trashed everything. Some people just need a good high five. In the face. With a wooden chair.

And now for the most recent disaster in an ever growing list. 

I recently had a family member be hospitalized for reasons I'll choose to keep private out of respect. Things aren't looking too good for them and I feel like I should be yelling at my Mom and Aunt. They stopped talking for a while and suddenly when a family member becomes ill is when they become best buddies again. I really hate to feel this way about my family but over the last 8 years our family has come together for one of two reasons:

1). A wedding

2). Numerous funerals.

And I'm personally at my wits end having to watch us bury loved ones. Over the last 8 years we've buried my grandma, grandpa, my dad, my cousin Joe and if this recent cousin doesn't pull through, I'm really going to loose my mind. I ask for prayers. I know preyer works and helps. My mom is alive thanks to prayers. I believe in merricles. I've seen them happen. But that doesn't keep the pain from hurting. Or draw my family closer. I'm this close from yelling at the two of them and telling them how it makes me feel that they only want to be friends because of a near tragedy. And I feel like I'm having constant dejuvu. We have such a huge family spread out all over. I understand why we don't meet yearly anymore. But for heavens sake, the least they could do is try to come together with other family. They don't talk to this person or want this person to know about it. Well family should know. That's how I feel anyway. Family should always know.

I've had my patience tested. I've pulled out all the stops with my faith. And I feel like each day that some new bad thing happens will be the day I finally snap and speak my mind.

I know I'm just venting. But I feel as if everybody is trying to see how far I bend before I break. And with as much stress as I'm under, when I break, I'm probably going to shatter. The stress is building. I just hope things turn out okay before someone or something pushes the right button and I end of hurting somebody's feelings.

I meditate as regularly as I can.

I try to distract my mind with fun things.

I try all the tips and tricks my therapist suggests. 

But I'm reaching my limit.