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Getting hugged without consent

Ash

How do you explain to people that you hate getting hugged? Hugs are socially regarded as a way to show affection and choosing not to engage in physical touches usually makes you appear cold and “disrespectful”. I’ve had this issue for a while now since I’ve tried setting boundaries multiple times before but they keep getting preached. Sometimes I just grit my teeth and let it happen but others it borders on being physically painful for me when I’m overstimulated and someone comes in for a hug.

I live in a society where mental illnesses aren’t really accepted so how do I explain hating getting hugged?

  • Tell em you don’t like being hugged. If they don’t get the hint it’s their problem. I don’t like being hugged. My partners family are huggers and I’ve told em many times not to hug me or ask if they can hug, they brush it off and hug anyway. I too had to grit my teeth and let it happen. It’s uncomfortable. It’s more of a sensory thing for me

  • A letter or text is the best way if you're uncomfortable telling someone. I did this with my mum, explained how uncomfortable being hugged and touched made me. She was more than understanding! Most people are when they've been told. After that instead of hugging my mum would draw a heart in the air with her finger and then blow it to me and I would catch it. She loved that and so did I. Unlike hugging it didn't put me in to an overload.

  • I was a compulsive hugger. Having lack intimacy, I was like Lenny from 'Of Mice and Men'. 

  • Although I don't have any issues with giving or receiving hugs, there are occasions when I'm just not in the mood for hugging. In that situation, I tend to say something along the lines of, "It's nothing personal, but I would really prefer it if you didn't hug me." 

    Perhaps you could say something similar? If people were aware that being hugged can cause you physical pain, I'm sure they would understand, although you might need to remind them if they are someone that you don't see regularly.

  • When i had my autism realization in December the first thing i did was tell my mother i don't want to be hugged or have any physical contact. I typed a letter explaining why and gave it to her. It took a while to sink in but she seems to have gotten the message now which is good