Depression and possible Autism/Aspergers

Hello, I'm new here but I've been researching and learning from this site and community for quite some time now and have come to the conclusion that my brother could be somewhere on the spectrum.

He's 31 and has always been a fairly lonely guy and never had many friends. Since reading these forums I have noticed he has a number of traits. Now, I could be completely wrong about this but it might be something worth exploring.

The problem is that he is currently suffering with quite severe depression. This all came to a head a few years ago when he came out and told us he's gay. I'm also gay and came out when I was about 18 but my mother didn't react well to the news so he's kept it to himself for about 10 years. I can't imagine what that's done to him and I feel so sorry for him.

He's being treated for the depression and has counselling but my question to you guys is whether the depression should be dealt with before bringing up the possibility of him being on the spectrum. On one hand, if he is on the spectrum, it may help him to understand how he's feeling. On the other, it could confuse things and make things worse.

I'd really appreciate any thoughts, ideas and suggestions on this and if you have any questions, please do ask.

Thanks for reading.

Parents

IntenseWorld over 12 years ago

I don't think my message was explicit enough. Re-reading it, I can see why you read it the way you did Alex R - Mod. I don't mean disappointing experiences as in, going out with someone and finding it doesn't feel right because of not being attracted to the opposite gender, I mean as in, having a bad relationship for whatever reason (the person was an idiot who mistreated you, they had emotional baggage, you were incompatible personality-wise, they were nasty or whatever) and the relationship ended, perhaps acrimoniously and it put you off that gender because you decided it was gender-based. What I wondered is, whether some people, especially if they are on the spectrum and already have confusing thoughts regarding how they feel about sexuality, might decide all women/men are horrible based on one or two bad relationship experiences and choose to be gay because they think they will have a better experience.
I have a relative who is gay. She is one of twins (non-identical) and she hung around a lot with her twin's gay circle of friends and acquaintances, almost like it was a novelty. Through that, she ended up also having a gay relationship. I was gobsmacked as everything about her seemed really straight, whereas the other twin was clearly gay. This gay relationship was quite long-lasting, but she maintained she was attracted to men. In the end she went back to dating men and recently got married. I really don't think she is bixsexual, as she had never, ever talked about being attracted to other women. As far as I know she's not on the spectrum but she is really similar to me and has high anxiety, so could possible have Asperger's.

Reply

IntenseWorld over 12 years ago

I don't think my message was explicit enough. Re-reading it, I can see why you read it the way you did Alex R - Mod. I don't mean disappointing experiences as in, going out with someone and finding it doesn't feel right because of not being attracted to the opposite gender, I mean as in, having a bad relationship for whatever reason (the person was an idiot who mistreated you, they had emotional baggage, you were incompatible personality-wise, they were nasty or whatever) and the relationship ended, perhaps acrimoniously and it put you off that gender because you decided it was gender-based. What I wondered is, whether some people, especially if they are on the spectrum and already have confusing thoughts regarding how they feel about sexuality, might decide all women/men are horrible based on one or two bad relationship experiences and choose to be gay because they think they will have a better experience.
I have a relative who is gay. She is one of twins (non-identical) and she hung around a lot with her twin's gay circle of friends and acquaintances, almost like it was a novelty. Through that, she ended up also having a gay relationship. I was gobsmacked as everything about her seemed really straight, whereas the other twin was clearly gay. This gay relationship was quite long-lasting, but she maintained she was attracted to men. In the end she went back to dating men and recently got married. I really don't think she is bixsexual, as she had never, ever talked about being attracted to other women. As far as I know she's not on the spectrum but she is really similar to me and has high anxiety, so could possible have Asperger's.

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