Published on 12, July, 2020
I have been thinking recently about masking and the various means that one uses to mask. It has occurred to me, that the use of a ‘passive voice’ in my communication, is a big part of the way I write and speak.
I can remember all the way back to college, that tutors used to comment on my ‘wordiness’, I well-achieved (D*D*D*) in College but kids always used to say “You’re not that smart are you? You just write a lot”. The implication being that I was obscuring my lack of understanding. The more I’ve written, the better I have gotten at writing, but I still write a lot. I find that every now and again I take on a new element of language, but I always write a lot and I never reread, I just speed-write to victory. In my speech I do talk a lot, talking about anything at length and for length, I enjoy getting my thoughts out and enjoy how language is constructed in my head. But I also speak longer words and phrases in a disagreeable situation, to offset any aggressive reaction to my imperative, I find that a great rhetorical-tool can be found in elongated words and phrases and sentences.
I have thought that: Maybe it is because I have enjoy vocabulary but not grammar, or maybe it is because I never formally-learned grammar at school, or maybe I abandoned the ‘active voice’ as a means of non-detection and non-confrontation. It may even have been, a kind-of speed writing that I developed, to safely expose myself to writing and speech.
It has not been the case, that all the individuals that I know (who have an Autism Spectrum Condition), have a circumlocutory communication style. I have known some ASC individuals, to be very literal and active in their communication, and no less intelligent.
So I guess I am just interested to know: How this style of communication sits-with and is experienced by the community? Why the community thinks it occurs? Is it born of the environment and exposure? Is it a repetitive action or an interest? Is it a means of evasion or development? Is it the result of the level of skill attainment?
I can spend entire days without saying a single word. When forced, I usually give one word answers or reply with just a glare and a grunt. Somebody once told me that she believed I was non verbal and severely mentally disabled, she was surprised when she knew that I was actually more intelligent and with more schooling than her.
Probably in my case it was due to being born in an abusive environment with a crazy father. I learned early that speaking was rewarded by beatings.
I get this too, I can also relate to your roots as well, emotion-neglect and intimidation are what I understand though. I have found that it is part of the reason why I can navigate negative-intuition so keenly. I don’t talk when I can feel that, I can’t avert aggression with words, I am equally as skilled in my avoidance of initiative, as I am with my deflection with verbosity. Perhaps the fact that I managed to stay my aggressors-hand so much, or more-likely they were bluffing, allowed me to sharpen and favour my verbose tactics.