Published on 12, July, 2020
I have been thinking recently about masking and the various means that one uses to mask. It has occurred to me, that the use of a ‘passive voice’ in my communication, is a big part of the way I write and speak.
I can remember all the way back to college, that tutors used to comment on my ‘wordiness’, I well-achieved (D*D*D*) in College but kids always used to say “You’re not that smart are you? You just write a lot”. The implication being that I was obscuring my lack of understanding. The more I’ve written, the better I have gotten at writing, but I still write a lot. I find that every now and again I take on a new element of language, but I always write a lot and I never reread, I just speed-write to victory. In my speech I do talk a lot, talking about anything at length and for length, I enjoy getting my thoughts out and enjoy how language is constructed in my head. But I also speak longer words and phrases in a disagreeable situation, to offset any aggressive reaction to my imperative, I find that a great rhetorical-tool can be found in elongated words and phrases and sentences.
I have thought that: Maybe it is because I have enjoy vocabulary but not grammar, or maybe it is because I never formally-learned grammar at school, or maybe I abandoned the ‘active voice’ as a means of non-detection and non-confrontation. It may even have been, a kind-of speed writing that I developed, to safely expose myself to writing and speech.
It has not been the case, that all the individuals that I know (who have an Autism Spectrum Condition), have a circumlocutory communication style. I have known some ASC individuals, to be very literal and active in their communication, and no less intelligent.
So I guess I am just interested to know: How this style of communication sits-with and is experienced by the community? Why the community thinks it occurs? Is it born of the environment and exposure? Is it a repetitive action or an interest? Is it a means of evasion or development? Is it the result of the level of skill attainment?
Strictly based on my own experience: I think it's not only a case of a mania about being understood or misunderstood. Excessive writing and speaking results from anxiety, it's true, but also from an intense need to justify my existence. That likely sounds rather grandiose or too serious or simply too vague an interpretation so - irony ahoy - here's a clearer explanation by way of an anecdote:
My mum, who was likely autistic, couldn't write a letter to an official body without it being page after page-long. Every important and also superfluous detail was included, and she herself was aware of this fault. But then, in her defence, people like us are often powerless or are merely dismissed in thought or actuality before we even begin communicating; the general assumption frequently is that we're life's failures, and our concerns are therefore not to be taken seriously even if these are crucial to us. So, my personal theory is that this 'fault' is at once autistic and yet also a consequence of glib and lazy thinking on others' parts.
All of this resonates with me.