Advice

I ve been reading through the forum and it seems that everyone is being really supportive and friendly.

Kind of need some advice.

Does being diagnosed help? Does it define a person? Im going through the process at the moment and feeling kind of anxious about the impact that being analysed could have on me. I thought that I did things because thats what I wanted to do. If it turns out that it comes down to a aspergers, then usually I'd question my identity(which I already do)

Im 23 and quite social, but there are alot of things that have popped up in my lifetime that dont quite fit to the 'normal' scale.

I think my last question would probably be. Does it help, to tell friends, family and work collegues that you have it. Will they be able to understand you more or does it make them feel more uneasy?

*posted this in the wrong section and cant find delete(oh dear)*

My son has been excluded every week for the past three weeks just because his autism causes him to react to situations aggressively towards staff and his surroundings. There are known triggers that upset my son and the school staff, particularly the SENCo and the teacher and the TA know about them, but I believe they fail to monitor my son, fail to prevent the trigger, and my husband and I increasingly believe, these people cause the trigger for my son to have meltdowns/breakdowns.

Punishing children for autistic behavour is child abuse!...Protest

She is sen at school but has trouble there 4 out of 5 days she always in detention for being disruptive and refusing to do her work. Bless her she finds maths very hard 

It's shameful how there is less than zero autism awareness within social services.  Trust me, I can tell you it's no better within disability social services.  (I appear to have taken their name too literally...)

I'm glad you are ignoring them and have asked for a referral.  You are right to be concerned.  Does she have a statement of SENs at school?

She could be acting out (as is often the case) in response to lack of support or adjustments or understanding in the school environment.

It's a higher percentage (against neurotypicals) of having other disorders alongside autism spectrum conditions so she could have something else accounting for her behaviours.

Don't listen to social services, they are worse than ridiculous and should be ashamed.

It might interest you to know you can tell the Government about the failings of your local CAMHS towards your child here: http://www.parliament.uk/business/committees/committees-a-z/commons-select/health-committee/inquiries/parliament-2010/cmh-2014/

I just submitted a complaint about my local CAMHS (who even by national standards are appalling).

It's normal social services. They said at one point the peditrition was liying about diagnosis and tia behaviour is a result of my parenting I didn't laugh so hard in all my life. But I have concerns about her mental health state as she hears voices and acts out dangerous behaviours like sticking her tounge in light socket as voice said she be able to fly she tries killing me all time and hurts me to. Child mental health are not intrested in her so i have got my gp to refur her to top phytriatric hosp in London for then to look at her mental health state she is very very very complex for her age. 

Is this disability social services or ordinary social services?

Have you shown them her report which states about her outbursts?  I would send them a letter with copies of it and include information from reputable autism websites about meltdowns.  Query "Did you not know about autistic meltdowns?"

Suggest loftily to them that they buy this book: http://www.autism.org.uk/products/core-nas-publications/managing-anger.aspx

Thanks. If you ask her to tidy up she will turn into violence screaming and telling me no. She wont even help put baby toys away. But social services say because she is violent I'm doing something wrong she been violent since age of 2 and was told when she was diagnosed she won't change this is who she is I just have to handle the violent out bursts. Social services don't believe this and in my eyes know nothing about asperger so i have printed them info for them to read about asperger :) 

As long as she does not have hazardous items in her room and her escape in the event of a fire isn't hampered then I would say it's none of social services business.

Their job is not to tell people to tidy up their bedrooms, and children often are messy.

My now 9 year old, was always messy (she has autism) and I was always telling her to clean up messes behind herself.  Almost overnight, about 6 months ago she realised herself that she didn't like to leave her bedroom messy and she started being much better about putting things away neatly.  I believe she has ADHD as well, and your daughter could have this (often co-morbid with autism) as it would contribute to her being disorganised.

Social services frequently overstep the mark, and sometimes need politely pointing out that they are doing so.  They look out for unkempt homes as signs of neglect, but from what you say in your case it is something entirely different and they should understand, especially with the nature of your daughter's disability.  It's not their place to tell people how to live.  I think these people sometimes just go looking for things they can criticise.

It's not a bad thing for you to encourage your daughter into being more tidy (without stressing her) as it's a life skill, by explaining to her the logic of it, but everyone is different and some adults are untidy and disorganised, that's just how it is.  She is very young and also social services need to get their priorities right.

Hi could anyone tell me my daughter has aspergers and refuses to clean her room she is 7. social services making a fuss about how untidy her room is but she wont pick her stuff up and she has told them she likes it messy. is this an aspergers trait or my daughter just untidy

Hi could anyone tell me my daughter has aspergers and refuses to clean her room she is 7. social services making a fuss about how untidy her room is but she wont pick her stuff up and she has told them she likes it messy. is this an aspergers trait or my daughter just untidy

What other options do you give him? You said he just sits on the bed when you don't give him computer time.

First his just sitting on the bed, as well as being a response to being deprived of his PC based activity, isn't the same as it might be for you. He might be thinking productively.

You assume he wants go go out and play or be with family, and others have responded to aspects of this from their own experience. But I think you need to read up on issues such as sensory overload and sensitivities to aural, visual and other stimuli. You also need to find out more about social communication difficulties.

Socialising can be difficult as people on the spectrum cannot pick up social cues and may miss a lot of the continuity, and will feel locked out. So socialising may not be the enjoyable experience it is for you.Play may be noisy and confusing. It is important you read up on this and observe how and when he encounters difficulties with this. With better understanding there may be social and play situations he finds easier.

But back to sitting on the bed. What other distractions has he got. Does any kind of music interest him? Would he listen on headphones? What visual stimulus does he enjoy, such as lava lamps or digitally generated pattern displays. Can he do jigsaws or model making? Can he watch television or videos.

I suffered very much from ecsma, particularly on my hands, and during periods of anxiety swollen hands made things worse. It always flared up at exam times, and I had to write with my hand on blotting paper owing to the amount of fluid discharge from sores. As an adult the tendency has gradually faded away as I've got better at managing stress.

The main point is not to assume that he's missing out on social life or play. These things could be really uncomfortable or unpleasant for him, and you need to try to understand when in such situations he is distressed.

Hope this helps.

Re: the suggestions to move the PC into a family room. It may help. But don't force it upon him. I would have hated it if my parents had forced me to use the family computer in a family room instead of it being in my bedroom, when I was growing up. I still hate it when I'm doing something and there are other people around. Especially when what I'm doing is being on the computer!

I believe this is fairly common amongst people on the spectrum - many of us need the isolation - forcing us to 'join in' and be 'within the family group' does us more harm than good.

I would suggest PC only in the evenings after a certain time, say 8pm to 10pm, so that he does everything he has to do, ie homework etc. Once he is in this new time routine,, he will be fine, you are doing him a favour by limiting but not limiting him. Bring the computer into a room with other people there also, in his corner so that he feels part of the family is not isolated.

Something so simple,but you dont relize it until somebody brings it up,Thanks for the advice and over the next few weeks i will give it a go,fingers crossed .Once again Thanks!!!!!

I always spent my life in my room on my computer because that was my life, I had no life outside the house, even my room since I had no friends to go out with or anyone in the local area to hang around. My parents were always urging me to go out even in the garden for some fresh air because the sun helps you with your health. Even now that I am 21 years old I am still in the same position as I was as a child, in my room on the computer.

I usually used my computer to stay out of the way of my family, because I am not a people person, I am the only one in the family with HFA and SPD. It was a relatively quiet environment for me but games were frustrating and confusing and there is only so much you can do - I do wonder if your negative emotions are amplified if you have a mental condition than a 'Neuro-typical' has.

If I were in your shoes, I would allow him to play on the PC but in moderation, in my experience, playing on the computer impeded my progress on school homework and revision and I suffered the consequences (i.e low GCSE grades) although I did have very little concentration in exams.

Maybe just move hs computer to somewhere else in the house so he can be in the same room as his family but still able to use his computer? This is what I do with my laptop and now my new iPad. 

I agree with Scorpion that you should not stop or reduce his computer time.  One thing I would say though, is to ensure the PC he uses has child-safety software or utilities working so he is not accessing age-inappropriate material.  The Aspie mind is an inquisitive one.

One other way you could reduce his computer time is by distraction.  What about finding out if he has a special interest that you can jointly do something with together, or some other activity that he likes that brings him out of his solitude?  You need to really engage with him and find out what it is that he likes to suggest alternative ways of spending his time.

Also, don't forget, he might be joining in forums (again check these are age-appropriate) that are helping him talk about his issues and not feel so alone, computer time doesn't always mean isolation in the way you mean and for Aspies/auties it can be a lifeline.

Don't try to fight it. You'll be fighting a losing battle.

Also, if you force him to do things he doesn't want, or like, to do then it will only cause him stress.

That said, we, on the spectrum, usually respond well to 'reward motivation' (AKA 'bribery') - so for example, if you can establish a routine of hours when he can and can not play on his PC you can then say "If you do X, you can have an extra hour on your PC today", for example.

Just make sure you always word it in a positive, not negative way - "If you don't do X, you won't get an extra hour on your PC", for example, would be 'punishment motivation', and, though the two statements are essentially the same, we tend to rebel against 'punishment motivation', or just get moody, and depressed, and so it just doesn't work.