Published on 12, July, 2020
I think I only have one decision making process. I noticed years ago that there seems to be no difference in how I decide what to have for dinner and how I make a huge life changing decision like where to move house to for example. Which means I can be relatively fast on the big decisions, although I do my due diligence and take days or weeks to be sure, but really I have probably already made the decision. Or not if it is a dithery one, but I also feel that way over some food choices! If none of the options are good then it is so hard. But i didn't really want to discuss menu problems so much as the underlying issue.
I think this is one reason why we like routines and having the same food all the time - to save having to decide every time we eat! Not all of us, I'm sure there are other reasons, but I have heard it somewhere.
One reason might be that all decisions seem equally important to me. If it really doesn't matter then it is not worth spending too long over and maybe to most people most decisions are in that category. But I find that hard. Taking it to extremes I have to get very low importance to find an example of a not important decision, like playing wordle I always have my starting word but then if there were two equally good (or bad) options for the next word i don't dither too long as it totally doesn't matter.
But I have spent hours today deciding which yarn to use for my next crochet project. It is a reason I have not done much crochet in recent years, because this decision making process can be so taxing. This is the same reason I cannot tidy up the messy house which upsets my husband. Each thing requires a decision, or rather many! Do i keep or not? If I keep it where does it go? Is there room for it there? No, then what do it do with it?! Or if I don't keep it but it is not actual rubbish then how to dispose of it? (landfill is bad)
Why d I have to get everything right? What is the consequence of getting one of these decisions wrong? I end up eating a meal I don't feel in the mood for? Big deal! (Although that was worse with eating out if there was nothing I even like). But then the crochet - it does take me a long time so I don't really want to spend hours making something i then don't love and use or have to unpick. But the tidying - really the consequences are probably worse for failing to do it than they are for getting it wrong. I already can't find lots of things! So if I tidy up I am more likely to improve that than disimprove it.
This is too long and rambling and I think I have lost the point, if there was one. Maybe the point was partly that I think this is something at least some of you can relate to so i feel less alone and frustrated in world where it seems most people can just do this stuff without it twisting their brains into a painful pretzel! Or maybe it's just me... but surely not?
I think the consequences thing is relevant. I need to consider that. It might help make some decisions easier if they don't have bad consequences. But it doesn't help if they do actually matter...
I have real problems with decision making.
I have no concept of how to make a decision based upon instinct or gut feeling. It has to be based upon real facts and actual information.
I research endlessly, so that often the opportunity for what I am trying to decide has passed and I have missed it by spending too much time researching. I call it analysis paralysis.
I use spreadsheets a lot, to try and help me decide between various options. Say I need to buy a fridge freezer I will set up a spreadsheet with all the model numbers, prices, energy rating, capacity, size, number of drawers and much more... Seeing the options presented in a logical way can help my brain to compare and decide. However some things are variable, such as pricing and stock levels. If there are too many variables it becomes confusing for me and I can't decide.
However for me the bigger decisions are definitely harder than the smaller everyday ones. I can decide what to have for dinner without needing to plot out all the options on a spreadsheet!
For the really big decisions, like moving house, I tend to become so overwhelmed by the options that's it's easier to do nothing. I think a large part of the difficulty is my fear of making the wrong decision and making things worse.
For sure if one has no feeling about any of the options decisions are almost impossible. I do usually have some feelings relating to the decision or else it doesn't matter. Having alexythymia means it is not always easy to know what those feelings are and thus how to take them into account!
I totally get analysis paralysis too! Although I don't use spreadsheets, just lists.
For purchases I try and narrow the choice as much as possible as it is simpler to choose between 2 or 3 things than 50+ so something like the Which report can be useful. I also like to take into account ethical considerations, though that sometimes results in a decision to not purchase at all, depending on how much the thing is needed.
I have strong feeling related preferences for certain things, like the layout of a house and the location, so I know if it's a no quite quickly. But it can be difficult if they are all no. My experiences of moving house have generally been that only one of the options felt possible, the rest were all no, which made it quite simple.
I guess as for making things worse, failing to decide can be the worst option, which means once the bad options have been eliminated you might as well toss a coin.
It seems my decision making process is not too bad for big decisions, but overwhelming for small ones. As you say, it would be ridiculous to make a spreadsheet for every little decision.