Published on 12, July, 2020
I think I only have one decision making process. I noticed years ago that there seems to be no difference in how I decide what to have for dinner and how I make a huge life changing decision like where to move house to for example. Which means I can be relatively fast on the big decisions, although I do my due diligence and take days or weeks to be sure, but really I have probably already made the decision. Or not if it is a dithery one, but I also feel that way over some food choices! If none of the options are good then it is so hard. But i didn't really want to discuss menu problems so much as the underlying issue.
I think this is one reason why we like routines and having the same food all the time - to save having to decide every time we eat! Not all of us, I'm sure there are other reasons, but I have heard it somewhere.
One reason might be that all decisions seem equally important to me. If it really doesn't matter then it is not worth spending too long over and maybe to most people most decisions are in that category. But I find that hard. Taking it to extremes I have to get very low importance to find an example of a not important decision, like playing wordle I always have my starting word but then if there were two equally good (or bad) options for the next word i don't dither too long as it totally doesn't matter.
But I have spent hours today deciding which yarn to use for my next crochet project. It is a reason I have not done much crochet in recent years, because this decision making process can be so taxing. This is the same reason I cannot tidy up the messy house which upsets my husband. Each thing requires a decision, or rather many! Do i keep or not? If I keep it where does it go? Is there room for it there? No, then what do it do with it?! Or if I don't keep it but it is not actual rubbish then how to dispose of it? (landfill is bad)
Why d I have to get everything right? What is the consequence of getting one of these decisions wrong? I end up eating a meal I don't feel in the mood for? Big deal! (Although that was worse with eating out if there was nothing I even like). But then the crochet - it does take me a long time so I don't really want to spend hours making something i then don't love and use or have to unpick. But the tidying - really the consequences are probably worse for failing to do it than they are for getting it wrong. I already can't find lots of things! So if I tidy up I am more likely to improve that than disimprove it.
This is too long and rambling and I think I have lost the point, if there was one. Maybe the point was partly that I think this is something at least some of you can relate to so i feel less alone and frustrated in world where it seems most people can just do this stuff without it twisting their brains into a painful pretzel! Or maybe it's just me... but surely not?
I think the consequences thing is relevant. I need to consider that. It might help make some decisions easier if they don't have bad consequences. But it doesn't help if they do actually matter...
I can empathise with a lot of this altho not necessarily food. However I do have to read ALL the menu several times before making a decision if I go out. I can relate to the wool as I have got loads of fabric which I can't decide what to do with. Quite why, I don't know. But I feel because there are too many options it's hard to whittle down. Some of it might be fear of making the wrong choice or it might be wanting to do what's best. I've got lots of unplanted bulbs which need to go in the ground asap but I haven't done it cos there's too much choice, I don't want to end up digging them up by accident in future and I don't want them to get lost amongst everything in spring but as I type this I realise there will be NO FLOWERS AT ALL if they stay in their packets!! Some things like choosing stuff for the house I can do quite quickly. Sometimes deciding something for work takes ages but I'm learning to just get on with it and that'll do. Sometimes I just don't know where to start because too much choice. I have one pair of regular shoes, one pair of jeans and one coat. This makes deciding what to wear a bit easier at least. Sometimes deciding what to say or which word to use takes a lot of power as there are different ways to convey information.
I think because we are detail orientated we like to have all the info to build a picture before making a choice. My friend seems to make choices on a whim then agonises over it afterwards. I am the opposite. But there are some decisions in life you just have to jump in with. In my CBT it was talked about fear of doing things wrong but I'm inclined to say I think it's more of a need to do things right.
What, you mean there are people who don't read the whole menu several times?!! If I have been before and liked what I had last time I usually just have that again. But a new place can be tough. Many things I can just dismiss, so I read through going no, no, noway, maybe, no, no, maybe, ooh maybe that one but only if I can get it without the peas... (why do they all come with peas?!)
Fabric too! Can be even worse because it has to be cut! I have a set of simple patterns I have developed so it ought to be easy, but there are other issues with sewing, like having space on the cutting table and energy to complete the project. At least I can crochet in bed and while watching telly!
I had some bulbs. Some of them got planted. The rest are probably sadly dried out and dead by now. Yours will be happier planted even if they later get dug up by accident! But maybe wait until this cold snap is over...
Getting dressed - oh I went through a phase where that was sooo hard and such a trigger it went on my PIP form even though that was mostly focused on my physical disability. Lockdown made that easier, just PJs all the time except for cycling! Hmm, that will become a problem again if and when we dehermitise...
Detail and need to do things right, yes! I'm not actually afraid to get things wrong so much, with learning one has to try things and get them wrong, whether its learning to knit or a language. But the urge and drive to get it right is what pushes me through the getting things wrong part. And as I was musing, it can depend on the consequences. With hypersensitivities the consequences of making a wrong clothing choice are more severe for us.