Published on 12, July, 2020
In the few months I've been on here, I've tried to discern how people use it. While I'm reassured by some people seeming to be long-term regulars, others who pop up and have really interesting things to ask or share, or put things in a really thought-provoking way, burn brightly for a while and then vanish overnight, seldom or never returning. I suppose a certain amount of transience is inevitable, so I'm not really sure what my point is. Maybe just that I'm confused as to why more don't stick around, continue to benefit from shared expereinces and so on.
To those who have been around more consistently over a long while, or intend to be 'lifers' (as I tend to be when I latch onto a supportive online community), do you find it sometimes disconcerting or demoralising to put thought and care into connecting/sharing things with interesting and sympatico people, only to have them vanish in a sudden puff of apparent disinterest and never return.
I suppose one hard lesson I have to keep re-learning in life is that other's moods and inclinations can be very mercurial. You have to take them as you find them I suppose for as long as they stick around. Fleeting interactions can still be meaningful ones I guess. The confusion and melancholy I feel about such things doesn't seem to predominate in many others - I suppose I find lack of continuity in others' patterns of behaviour more disconcerting than most NTs would. But I'm also a little surprised that that NT-like behaviour is just as prevalent in this neurodivergent forum as it is 'out there'.
Or maybe I haven't been around long enough to fairly assess that. Not sure.
I feel this is a good question to have asked Shardovan.
When I first became a member I was a regular (daily) visitor, and maybe it had something to do with it being a bit of a novelty. However, I then reached a point where I felt I needed to take some time out, partly because I felt the amount of time I was spending on here had started to become unhealthy and excessive, and partly because I didn't have the energy.
Like you, I have observed that there are members that frequently visit and are very active in discussions, some that vanish almost as quickly as they arrived, and then there are members that will dip in and out as and when the mood takes them.
Thanks Sparkly. I understand your point about phasing in and out, as energy and inclination determine. It's been similar for me now I think about it. I come on here regularly but less frequently than at the start, and I think that will remain my pattern.
You were actually one of the posters foremost in my mind when I started the thread. I suppose because you were such a consistently supportive, inclusive and positive voice in this community - and remain so as it turns out!:-)- and always had/have really interesting thoughts expressed in a very considerate and sensitive way. No pressure to stay that way of course!
I think a healthy balance for being on here will be different things at different times. I'm just always reassured to see a core few who stick around, one way or another. I worried about being the only 'stayer' month or years from now and feeling weird and lonely about it. As well as missing individual unique voices that I'd just started to get to know and understand, and value.
I suppose I overly fixate on comparison as well. Is it OK that I'm on here so much? How much is too much? What's the average forum user 'lifespan'? 'Is it OK if I sit at one end of the bell curve? If so, are there at least a few others who do the same? How much are we all on the same wavelength?'
Not sure why I'm not more robust on that front - I've been in a minority or several (and one big one I didn't even have confirmed until recently) fairly consistently all my life. So that 'not quite fitting' feeling oughtn't to feel so discomforting as it at times does. And yet...
I have no idea what the average forum user 'lifespan' is, but I wouldn't worry too much about how much time you spend on here unless you feel it is becoming a problem for you. How much time you spend here is entirely your choice. It's about what you feel comfortable with and what suits you.
There are some real good sorts on this group, who only chime in occasionally, too. Well worth waiting for sometimes. But I don't think autism confers regularity or reliabilty on many of us...
A largely unspoken sadness I suppose. This community is, I'm sure, more forgiving than most, of my openly ruminating on it, rather than just noting and internalising. Maybe a bit presumptious of me to do so though - I'm not here very long myself relatively speaking, and I'm maybe not tracking the overall patterns for long enough to know what's what. Beyond thinking 'I hope so and so is OK' and missing that voice in the collective. Even sadder when they remained NA[insert number here] before the vanish, leaving the faint after-image of a default name that can't be recalled, even if what touched you in their words and related experience can.
You and a few others, I-Sperg, pre-date me, so that's always nice to know - that there's a sort of core constituency well established even among the ebb and flow. Comforting, and appreciated.