Lifers and transients (and all points in between): how is the forum used?

I think it may be where life takes over for some people. I was a regular doing messages and being here every day for a while but my health hasn't been the best lately so I've not been able to get online.

On the other hand maybe some people find the forum isn't for them, or they lose interest? It's hard to say for sure. For me it's purely health related. I love being here, love being with all of my friends. But my health is so up and down and when it goes down I'm not able to be here sadly. I'm hoping I'll be here more regularly again now I'm feeling better.

Not a problem at all. I try, when I can, to offer an alternative viewpoint in instances like this, as other have done so often for me on here.

This community is a great one for coming together and helping one another see what we can’t alone. At least in my opinion anyway.

It is nice to hear that this has helping in some small way. Yours is a name I have come to recognise, so just wanted to point out that your contributions are appreciated rather than received negatively. We can be such harsh judges towards ourselves, but in my case I don’t see the negatives that others see in themselves. So thanks for all of your thoughtful contributions so far- they are always interesting to read and consider.

Thanks for your well wishes too- there are ups and downs, as with everything in life, but this phase is an intense one. But seemingly for once in my life, an overwhelmingly positive one.

Also, I can help but appreciate your original question though. I do like something to think about! I wouldn’t want my brain to stop for a second- not that I have a choice in that matter anyway!

thank you. I'm not the most sane, but at least I'm stable now so, take caution if you try to copy any of my experiences

I Sperg too! 

I like seeing you around - one of the fixed constants since I’ve joined. 

definitely so

I always really liked the expression, "We are all in this thing together"...

You should really take a break from worrying that much, it's not good for your health

I had a break from forum for few months this year too, now i'm here every day, hard to get rid off,

Thanks for taking the time to give such a considered and comforting reply. Your own words have helped me a lot this evening. Glad to hear you’ve had a very happy and positive time in your life. I suppose it makes sense that we might need this place less when such periods occur. Hoping it lasts for you my friend. 

I must admit, I’ve recently returned after a few months away and noticed a few names not appear as they did when I was active during that initial period.

I reflected on this a little, as I’m prone to doing, and also recognised that I too fell into the category of disappearing names that I was thinking about.

I can only speak for myself, but although I’d intended to be here for a long while (and still do), my period of downtime coincided with a very happy and very major life event for me that required my 100% focus for a little while. That situation still requires most of my attention, but I feel less guilty refunding a few moments for myself every now and then. Perhaps this type of situation is one that others might find themselves in, albeit a slightly different one than I am experiencing right now.

Like you mentioned, I also find that in situations where there are opportunities to doubt myself, like in the scenario you referred to, I reflect in a way that places me to blame for the choices of others. But as you also recognised, the logical side of me also knows this to not be true. People respond to life in the best way they are able to at the time. We are all just working our way through the many challenges placed in our way and trying, at least I hope, to have the least negative impact on those around us as we do so. If anything, your posts will have added light to peoples time on here. They will have been a positive addition. Even just in the way of someone finally finding like-minded individuals who just ‘get it’. I know I have certainly found that here anyway.

This thread just came back into my mind. Some lovely people seem to have slipped away quietly (as they are perfectly entitled to do of course), people who had been regulars for quite a while. And it's sad. I could name them, and I imagine doing so would be OK, but it's probably obvious to those who are here a lot. The paranoid part of me worries if I played a role. Did I post too much, or reply too much, and it became unwelcome? But that's a very self-focused and irrational way to think I know. Fact is, that people sometimes need one thing, then another. They burn out, as all of us here do in some way or other in life. Their functioning or requirements change over time. Maybe they'll phase back in some day and say hello again, maybe they won't. I know it was a blessing that they were ever here at all. I just hope they'll be OK.

I have no idea what the average forum user 'lifespan' is, but I wouldn't worry too much about how much time you spend on here unless you feel it is becoming a problem for you. How much time you spend here is entirely your choice. It's about what you feel comfortable with and what suits you. 

Thank you for your incredibly kind and complimentary words Shardovan.

Aside from the novelty element, in the early days of being a member, I felt I had to put myself out there, so to speak, and prove myself as a member. 

I would agree that it is reassuring to see posts/comments from the regular members. I'm aware from having read old posts that some of them have been members for a good many years. Even if I'm not always able to relate to what they say, I find it comforting that they're here.

There are some real good sorts on this group, who only chime in occasionally, too. Well worth waiting for sometimes. But I don't think autism confers regularity or reliabilty on many of us...

A largely unspoken sadness I suppose. This community is, I'm sure, more forgiving than most, of my openly ruminating on it, rather than just noting and internalising. Maybe a bit presumptious of me to do so though - I'm not here very long myself relatively speaking, and I'm maybe not tracking the overall patterns for long enough to know what's what. Beyond thinking 'I hope so and so is OK' and missing that voice in the collective. Even sadder when they remained NA[insert number here] before the vanish, leaving the faint after-image of a default name that can't be recalled, even if what touched you in their words and related experience can. 

You and a few others, I-Sperg, pre-date me, so that's always nice to know - that there's a sort of core constituency well established even among the ebb and flow. Comforting, and appreciated. 

I think we all get those sorts of thoughts, but some of us play poker better than others...

I get your point about how sad it can be when intelligent interesting posters vanish, but that's the nature of all forums, it seems. 

I suppose I overly fixate on comparison as well. Is it OK that I'm on here so much? How much is too much? What's the average forum user 'lifespan'? 'Is it OK if I sit at one end of the bell curve? If so, are there at least a few others who do the same? How much are we all on the same wavelength?'

Not sure why I'm not more robust on that front - I've been in a minority or several (and one big one I didn't even have confirmed until recently) fairly consistently all my life. So that 'not quite fitting' feeling oughtn't to feel so discomforting as it at times does. And yet...

That seems to be a human general problem. People are quite negative generally across the board I find, even in radio control or other hobby forums, there's always someone who has "issues"...

Thanks Sparkly. I understand your point about phasing in and out, as energy and inclination determine. It's been similar for me now I think about it. I come on here regularly but less frequently than at the start, and I think that will remain my pattern. 

You were actually one of the posters foremost in my mind when I started the thread. I suppose because you were such a consistently supportive, inclusive and positive voice in this community - and remain so as it turns out!:-)- and always had/have really interesting thoughts expressed in a very considerate and sensitive way. No pressure to stay that way of course! 

I think a healthy balance for being on here will be different things at different times. I'm just always reassured to see a core few who stick around, one way or another. I worried about being the only 'stayer' month or years from now and feeling weird and lonely about it. As well as missing  individual unique voices that I'd just started to get to know and understand, and value. 

I feel this is a good question to have asked Shardovan.

When I first became a member I was a regular (daily) visitor, and maybe it had something to do with it being a bit of a novelty. However, I then reached a point where I felt I needed to take some time out, partly because I felt the amount of time I was spending on here had started to become unhealthy and excessive, and partly because I didn't have the energy.

Like you, I have observed that there are members that frequently visit and are very active in discussions, some that vanish almost as quickly as they arrived, and then there are members that will dip in and out as and when the mood takes them.