Managing a house move for an adult with Aspergers

JuniperFromGallifrey said:

Before my last move, I was able to spend time thinking abut the space I would move into and where I'd put my desk. 

I did much the same, only I had as long as I needed to move out, so I regularly went down to the new place just to get the feel for the atmosphere there, then I also started pondering where everything would go and what would be needed, and just got all the decorating and everything done entirely at my own leisure.

I deleted my post because I hadn't read original post correctly.

Also something you have to consider you said he moved out but does he live alone? You know the difference between a house and a home? It’s the memory’s of time spent with other people there. If his house is empty of other people, if he doesn’t have family, friends or lovers visiting him there, then it’s not really a home for him, just a house. He won’t have a home because there won’t be a place full of memories to come home to.

Change is difficult for autistic people, and changing home can be really difficult if stayed long in one place.

You can only focus on showing him that the new house will have a room for him, and talk now about what he can put in this room later.  Visit the house and room if possible so its not a big unknown thing, and suggest what might go where.

You have to move home, and he is going to have to process it all and have difficulties with it but minimising anxiety and emotions are important.  Don't talk about memories, or being sad to leave, talk about happy future things.

Memories have life. Physical objects are key to memories and a feeling of continuity. Physical objects and locations anchor us to the past, and the future, not nessiceraly the future we got but maybe the one we wanted. Regret and happiness are linked.

I'm guessing your son has a lot of regrets about the way his youth turned out. About the places he never went, things he never did. One his bedroom is gone it's one less link to those old dreams. Yet for all its regrets I'm suspect it was likely a happier time for him. It's like ... not only has the world robbed him of the chance to achieve these simple dreams but it won't even let him keep his ties to those memories that help him keep those dreams alive in some from. Because thinking about all the girls you've never kissed and all the adventures you never had is bitter sweet. It reminds you that there was at least a time when you had some expectation that there were going to be adventures, and girls for that mater. To him it probably seems like life won't even let him escape into the happy memories. Because the good times are in the past but the regrets of the past live in the present with you. As long as you still wish for that world you thought you'd see when you were young those regrets will always be with you.

There is no solution here. No good advice I can give you. Regret, regret that lives with you every day, crushes a mans soul and reversing it is often the only solution. Loosing points of connection to the past before those regrets is not the wound, just rubbing salt into the wound.

You can help perhaps by recording everything. The state of the room, photographically, carefully storing everything in it to make sure nothing goes astray. But nothing can change the fact that when its gone he can no longer sit in it and imagine he's 14 again and trying to figure out how to get the girl in his class to go out with him or dreaming about impressing his friends by performing some sort of impossible jump on a bicycle. I don't know what sort of life your son hoped to build for him self when he sat in that room as a boy or what experiences he thought he'd have on the way, but I'm betting it didn't work out that way for him. Not even remotely. When that room goes its going to be like a physical manifestation of that lost time drifting away. 

Has he seen the place you're moving to and the space he will be in? We can be picture-thinkers so much that once a thing is envisioned it can be difficult to let go of that image. This can be useful for transition. Before my last move, I was able to spend time thinking abut the space I would move into and where I'd put my desk. 

If it's possible for him to see the place in person and begin to envision himself there, and also maybe make plans about the garden or other possibilities with the new space, that will help.