arghhhhh im very angry

Hello, I'm new to all of this and this is my first post.

Similar to the unhelpful comment you recieved, I had a comment (prior to the person knowing of my daughter's diagnosis) in which a woman who worked in health care said she was amazed to hear that X's son was autistic... as she'd thought his parents were quite clever !!!.

I am not so sure about these symptoms being "fraud" as I've witnessed them with students I've helped and I have my own experiences of poor eye contact to go on.

Nowadays it has been commented that I appear to have good eye contact, but in fact I mostly look at people's mouths (I cannot lip read but they are less disturbing than eyes). If I do make eye contact I don't think I get much information, though I understand about gaze. When younger I looked downwards a lot to avoid it.

I think the point is that some manifestations are acquired as a response to the environment or to avoid difficulty. But which these are is hard to say. It is striking how some young adults lose many of their manifestations at University - whether that's becauise the environment is less peer driven, or confidence reduces the need for some conspicuous compensatory tactics I don't know. Its an area where more research is needed.

I am fairly sceptical about a lot of cures which purport to resolve social integration problems, but probably enable individuals to cover-up and play act through social situations more. This artificial integration may be a good thing though - developing good coping strategies improves confidence and enables partial social integration. However neurotypicals can be hard on people partly succeeding at social integration, and prefer disabled people to look and act the part.

Many people have it and dont know it.  I know, I am one of the many adults, some quite old, who turned out to have it.

I did a year in the East 15 drama school in my early 20's.  I didn't hear anyone call me autistic, as they asked me to leave for a lack of sensitivity...  True.

The stereotypical vision of a stimming, non-eye contact, hyperactive autistic is a fraud.  The so-called cures just train kids to act like neurotypicals.  Ultimately, socializing as they term it?  Its all put-on and learned.  Neurotypicals do it as a way of life.  Protocols, trendy ways to acting...

Sounds like your son is high-functioning, which is our competitive society is good.  Actually, such comments are a good sign!

Cheers, Paul.

I can totally understand your frustration, dan-mans-mum. People too often come out with hurtful comments and these can leave you feeling hurt, upset and confused. People, as longman pointed out, often have very fixed views as to what autism is. It is easier for people to put people into categories with definite characteristics than to understand complexity-a 'neoro-typical' lack of imagination if you ask me!. Most people with autism look perfectly ordinary when it comes to appearance, and the behavioural signs can be very subtle.  Sadly, many people are

 simply ignorant.

I fear we are at the mercy of public perception here, and even within informed groups such as general practitioners autism is supposed to have an appearance.

There is a book "Representing Autism - Culture, Narrative, Fascination" by Stuart Murray (Liverpool University 2008) which uses as its front cover a depressing picture of two girls on a see-saw, photographed in an institutional context in 1966. He then spends half a dozen pages of his preface on why he chose this to represent autism.

Too many illustrations come from clinical texts and documentaries and other media showing people after prolonged treatment for associated problems.

Yes there are classic looks that can be found in some people. Those who need to shelter from their environment cowed in a corner with their ears or eyes covered. Or some with aspergers with very fixed facial expressions. But sadly there is not enough representation around of what most people look like although the NAS website and Communication and other representations do give a much healthier picture confirming it doesn't always show.

I'm afraid you will find people's reactions hurtful. Hopefully the Autism Act will eventually lead to a change in public understanding.