Meltdown

I’m not sure if I’d call it a meltdown, but for me it’s like all of my insides want to explode. I stim more, rocking or if I’m not at home I’ll dig my nails into my skin and clench my teeth and bounce my feet, it’s it’s really bad I’ll start rocking despite not being at home. But I don’t really cry or scream or lash out at people. That’s possibly because as a kid I grew up in a bad place and if I lashed out I’d be screamed at and threaten so I learned to scream on the inside and hold everything in until I felt as if I was being pulled apart. I’d often not be able to speak even when words to retort with were racing through my head. I’d just open and close my mouth “like a dying fish” according to my mom. 

Like I said, I’m not sure if that qualifies as a melt down. And I haven’t been diagnosed with autism yet, so for all I know that could be a normal anxiety attack.

I’m not sure if I’d call it a meltdown, but for me it’s like all of my insides want to explode. I stim more, rocking or if I’m not at home I’ll dig my nails into my skin and clench my teeth and bounce my feet, it’s it’s really bad I’ll start rocking despite not being at home. But I don’t really cry or scream or lash out at people. That’s possibly because as a kid I grew up in a bad place and if I lashed out I’d be screamed at and threaten so I learned to scream on the inside and hold everything in until I felt as if I was being pulled apart. I’d often not be able to speak even when words to retort with were racing through my head. I’d just open and close my mouth “like a dying fish” according to my mom. 

Like I said, I’m not sure if that qualifies as a melt down. And I haven’t been diagnosed with autism yet, so for all I know that could be a normal anxiety attack.