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shopping what a nightmare!

4littleavengers

Went shopping today and what a nightmare! i knew it would be i warned my daughter all week that sat was going to be shopping day. The trouble started before we even got in the car she kept saying i don't want to go in a loud screaming voice when we eventually  got going harriet decided that she needed the toilet and couldn't wait she screamed i'm going to wee myself so i had to stop at the side of the road. When we got to the shopping centre she ran off refused to hold my hand. Harriet is 5 and i have three other children aged 9,7 and 2 my other children are not perfect but know when to behave . My husband asked her to hold his hand and be a good girl she shouted and started kicking and hitting him. I went into a book shop and harriet layed on the floor pulling the books off the shelfs i try to stay calm and get on her level but its like talking to a brick wall she just grins at me i feel powerless. Harriets not yet been diagnosed but her pediatrician suspects aspergers i end up in tears begging her to behave but its like she just looks straight through me. I love her so much but its hard very draining at the minute i feel like i'm walking around like a zombie. xx

  • Thank you both for your advice your right it's best harriet isn't made to go shopping it upsets her too much and puts me on edge. One thing i have noticed when we go shopping and she has a melt down she screams and asks me to tell people to stop staring at her it really stresses her out i took her to the book shop has a reward for going shopping harriet loves books she is only 5 but she is fantastic at reading. Harry only started school in sept but soon got moved into year one which really unsettled her. I went to an assembly at school last wk i was sat watching her she couldn't sit still one minute she was chewing her jumper then biting her nails then picking her nose then biting her lips then biting her fingers she looked so lost just staring at people. Feel in limbo at the moment because we are still waiting for a diagnosis i think once we have that we can put things into place i think i worry about treating her differently to my other children incase iv'e got it wrong. Sorry about going on x

  • I think Crystal's advice is very sound. I think it would be better for both you and Harriet if she didn't go shopping - it is one of the worst things to do - there are other NT things you can do that would be more enjoyable. There isn't any benefit for anyone if the "normal family things" make everyone anxious or miserable.  I get to the supermarket at 7.30 am but there is still noise I hate and have to grit my teeth to bear, even though the only other customers ( 4 yesterday ) are the same people every week.

  • Hi again - yes, anxiety goes with the territory.  I understand how it can be easier to withdraw from activities which cause distress so it's trying to find a way of still doing the things you enjoy as a family.  Would building things up bit by bit help, do you think?  What I mean is that instead of Harriet having to do the whole trip you could break the whole activity down into smaller bits.  Would she cope with getting in the car + having a drive a short distance + then going straight home again if she understood that's all that would happen.  If you did that on the same day + time for maybe 2 or 3 times, then you could add the next bit which might be pulling into the shopping ctre, stopping + then going home again.  Sort of building it up like that until she got in the routine?   I was reading about a women whose little boy would have a meltdown in the supermarket if the exact route, from car into shop + then which aisles they went down was not followed exactly every time.  He also was badly affected by the noise from the freezers.  She had to get all that detail right every time.  I also read of a woman who took her son to the supermarket either 1st thing or much later in the evening when it was quieter.  bw

  • Hi, i think even when you know its going to be hard you still try to do the normal family things together but your right its best she doesn't go if it causes her so much distress. I think it all gets too much for her Harriets happy to just stay home doing her own thing I have anxiety issues myself i have to take medication to try and control it. I think i will feel better about things once she gets a diagnosis.

  • Hi, i think even when you know its going to be hard you still try to do the normal family things together but your right its best she doesn't go if it causes her so much distress. I think it all gets too much for her Harriets happy to just stay home doing her own thing I have anxiety issues myself i have to take medication to try and control it. I think i will feel better about things once she gets a diagnosis.

  • Hi - what a difficult day for all of you.  Do you know why Harriet would be so upset?  If you can work all that out - sensory issues, too many variables in the trip etc?  Whilst we can prepare someone for a change that doesn't mean they'll be anywhere near  comfortable with it!   Quite the opposite sometimes. Sounds like there were too many things for her to cope with.  I don't think Harriet was in a zone where she cd "behave" because it was all just too much stress/anxiety.  Reasoning with an autistic person when they're upset can be seriously counter-productive....making matters worse.  Also treating them as neuro-typical children + expecting a neuro-typical reaction is a total non-starter.  If going shopping causes her + your family so much distress then maybe she shouldn't have to go?