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I think my siblings are autistic but my mum is refusing to get them tested.

NAS71534

Hi people my names Ellie and i’m looking for advice.


I was diagnosed a few years ago as I was under the care of CAMHS and they noticed that I was displaying traits. My parents were totally cool about it and even looked into what it means to be autistic.

However, I’ve been bringing up that I think my siblings are autistic too and that they should get tested because if they are then it’ll explain their experience and they’ll be able to access support/accommodations easier if they need it now or in the future. Every time I bring it up my mum says “no they’re not”, “if they are it isn’t impacting them” or just gets generally really weird and defensive about it. 

Today, I brought it up again and said directly to my sister that I think she’s autistic and my mum got angry and told me off. 

This is hella weird right? I don’t understand her thought process at all because she’s educated about autism and totally cool and accommodating with me? 

Can anyone give any insight or advice on how to handle this? I don’t want my siblings to go undiagnosed and without support/accommodations if they need it.

  • Anonymous self testing via the internet Asperger test site is something anyone can do, if they themselves want to know. 

    YOU of course, want to know very much, (if you are an Autist that "wanting to know" is baked in and irrestiible it seems, particularly when you are young) but Autism is a very personal thing, and your siblings might not want to find out yet. And some Autists don't get so much trouble and stress as others, so do not seem to have to "deal with it" until they do. Pushing them to deal with it now, is not really being kind to them, but being on hand to help if and when it does become a problem is kind.

    You might do better right now, counter intuitive as it may seem, to focus on helping yourself. My experience of the bad side of Autism is that it confers the accidental super power of both feeling yourself, and inducing in others, great annoyance!

    Finding ways to deal with that particular issue in yourself, will do far more for harmonious relationships with both the normie and autie people you love, than asking them to "pick a side"...

    I am old, male, have many bad attitudes, but I have learned that normies have feelings too, and they are incredibly easy to damage them, if you are not careful and in control. 

    I THINK, and I'd love a second opinion, that using animal metaphors;  Auties relate like cats, and Normies relate like dogs.Just because you aren't a pack animal, it doesn't mean you can't get on with or even naturally dominate them.

    Doing it all with kindness and consideration, as well as feeling morally right, is the ultimate Autistic retaliation against a sometimes very cruel and unpleasant normie world.

    I hope this helps someone as it has helped me.

  • in reply to NAS71534

    Keep talking to them and really find as much as you can about them on a bit more of deeper level if you can write things down even then when you feel you have enough information try again with your mum show her that you’ve been really taking and listening to your siblings and maybe see if you can your mum to talk to them and get your siblings to open up to your mum about how they feel.

    bottom line is you’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t talk to eachother and learn as much as you can about them then take it from there 

  • in reply to Plastic

    Thanks for your perspective! I haven’t thought of it like that before.

    Ahhh if that’s the case then the conversation with her about it is gonna be really difficult. 

  • in reply to O

    Thank for replying :) 

    I have already spoken with my sister (age 12) and she experiences quite a few autistic traits and I’ve noticed things myself like she doesn’t have control over tone/volume of voice, she vocally stims a lot, she doesn’t understand social cues or social norms etc. 

    My other sibling is 14. 

  • Lots of parents are extremely uncomfortable with the thought that they produce a 'faulty' child.      It's a real sense of guilt of producing a child that is going to to have to struggle to get through life.

    Imagine if they have a full set.......   What does that say about them too - faulty genes - but also a realisation that they might not ever leave home - so retirement plans are going down the drain.

    There's lots of angles to think of.

  • Speak to your siblings and ask hem if there is anything that they struggle with, I wouldn't specifically say to them you think they're autistic but you can deduce from their answers if they seem like autistic struggles and then you can go to your mum and say "look ive spoken to ... and they struggled with ... and that's very autistic and it needs to be taken seriously" and see where it goes from there

    How old are your siblings btw?