Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, hope your keeping warm and dry today,sorry this is really long
id really like your opinions on what to do, DS was diagnosed before Christmas with Aspergers, and it was now become blindingly obvious that my Husband and MiL have at least got strong aspie traits, we live in the same house as my MiL (have our on indoor space) and all outdoor space is hers, although we share sheds for stuff etc, its a very odd relationship we have, she is very obrupt and says it as it is,but we bump along ok.the day we came back off our honeymmon 20 yrs ago she told me it was her garden i could cut the grass that was it, and that is how its stayed, she comes in to our end of the house (only when we are not here) and cleans stuff, changes things she doesnt like,she has this thing about taking tea towels when ever she can get hold of them to boil,the best one is coming in when we are on holiday and taking husband and childrens washing and leaving mine,locks now sorted!!) her boundries are non existant our way but lives behind a locked door, and doesnt ever have visitors, or go out apart from work, we had the phone bill changed to my name because she wont talk on the phone to anyone she doesnt know. Anyway, I have pleaded with Husband to stand up to her and split the garden so we have our own space, if nothing else so that we have somethng to work on together, somewhere we can sit and relax and arrange how we like, but he wont as he doesnt want to upset his mum, this has been going on for years.
I have M.S and have had to give up all the activities i used to enjoy, we live in the middle of nowhere, ideal for aspies!!, no passers by. I basically live with 3 aspies, and i cant do this any longer,My DD and I would leave for a more social house in a heart beat but the property is worded that its in her name and will be left to my Husband,even though they have bothe worked for it (complicated-farming family thing) i just feel like there is no point any more, i just cant pick myself up, im a very positive person usually and run my business from home (which involves chatting to people-my life line). but my world ends at my back door, i go out walk the dogs and come back in, thats it.any plants i put out around our end of the house get ripped out when im out, husband has told her not to but i doubt it will help. i love my husband but i cant do this any more, i feel like i live in half a marriage, he loves it here, nothing has changed in 20 years, nothing is likely to change in the next 20- fantastic as far as he is concerned.i am very aware i am running out of physical time to have our own space for me to deal with, i want it so much, husbands doesnt see why we need space to ourselves and his reply was, im not putting a fence up it will only be up a couple of years and ill have to take it down again, as i wont cope. any suggestions,the only thing i can think of doing is to leave, i havent spoken to hubby for 3 weeks, i have nothing left to say , im shattered, and to be honest i dont think hes even noticed
Hi there,
I really understand and sympathize. i like yourself live with two aspies my son and husband. we also now live in a very remote area no one knocks on our door and i frequently could go a whole week without seeing anyone but the postman! My husband loves this way of life it is the only way he can cope. my son is six and only recently suspected of Aspergers but the quiet life also seems to suit him , no stress, small school etc.
i can sometimes feel really down esp as no one apart from my two aspies to talk to! i do not work, i would love to, too remote an area and no one to be here for my son.
Your hubby probably has not noticed how fed up you are, mine often does not, not on purpose just being an Aspie! i sometimes wonder if i can go on there is no denying it live with a aspergers partner and child can be really tough, let alone a mother in law aswell!! it has helped me to understand my family better now i know about Aspergers but it does not make life easier. in the end i think it all comes down to do you love him? can your family cope with the huge change, it sounds to me as though you have almost already made your mind up, you just want someone to agree with you? my life would be better if i went it alone but i never could i love my family and they need me, they are unable to change and bend, i can. but i know i really need to bring abit of normal life back into mine before i feel i have lost myself completley, maybe you should give that a try first , get out as much as you are able improve your confidence and well being , you may then feel the rest of your life is more bearable, you have to live too, life is too short but ending your marriage is not the only option.
good luck