Still Here

What do you think of your life, as you look back on it? Of course you may be here for another 20 years so it may be too early, but I wondered about your opinion.

Hiya

I definitely won't be here in 2 years - this cancer is always fatal and the chemo is the limiting factor - when my body gives up. I will die.   I will fight to the end.

While not trying to 'big myself up', I have burned the candle at both ends.     I identify strongly with Roy Batty.     "I have done things you people would not believe!"

I feel very, very cheated of the life I have worked so hard to create.    I've said before, I was months away from 'Life 2.0' and it's all been snatched away.

I spent most of my life oblivious to how very different I was to everyone else - blindly performing technical miracles 'for the greater good' without any recognition - while actually being used and manipulated by those benefiting from my achievements.

I remember every detail of my life - like looking at a huge array of photos.- It's frustrating to not be able to share the highlights and extremes with everyone..    

Plastic said:

I remember every detail of my life - like looking at a huge array of photos.- It's frustrating to not be able to share the highlights and extremes with everyone.. 

I have spent substantial amounts of time with people in their final days thoroughly enjoying the 'photos' of their life, experiences and everything with them, so maybe ~ rather than being frustrated with not sharing the highlights and extremes of your life ~ feel free to do so here as matter of significance in respect of social histories, which are always of much greater relevance when they are put on public record for others more in general to appreciate also, perhaps?

And of course - happy birthday!

Plastic said:

I remember every detail of my life - like looking at a huge array of photos.- It's frustrating to not be able to share the highlights and extremes with everyone.. 

I have spent substantial amounts of time with people in their final days thoroughly enjoying the 'photos' of their life, experiences and everything with them, so maybe ~ rather than being frustrated with not sharing the highlights and extremes of your life ~ feel free to do so here as matter of significance in respect of social histories, which are always of much greater relevance when they are put on public record for others more in general to appreciate also, perhaps?

And of course - happy birthday!

Plastic said:

I'm a visual thinker - I find it very hard to write - you've probably noticed most of my sentences are short and abrupt - I have a sea of possible answers swirling in my head and I pluck one from the abyss so I have to edit my responses to make sense of them.   It's very time consuming.

We are very much alike then in respect of finding writing difficult, as it takes me ages to go through the multiplicities of my perspectives ~ and come up with an adequately edited and abridged version of them that is not a 'too-much-information' overkill session.

Plastic said:

I don't think my English is good enough to get my thoughts on paper-  it would look more like an Excel spreadsheet of random sentences.

Dude ~ your English is way more amenable than mine in terms of being meaningfully short, concise and to the point. The thing I find amusing is when people complain about how long my posts are after I have spent ages editing and abridging them. I look at your writing and imagine that one day I might achieve something similar, maybe before even the next life! ;-)

I'm a visual thinker - I find it very hard to write - you've probably noticed most of my sentences are short and abrupt - I have a sea of possible answers swirling in my head and I pluck one from the abyss so I have to edit my responses to make sense of them.   It's very time consuming.     

I don't think my English is good enough to get my thoughts on paper-  it would look more like an Excel spreadsheet of random sentences.

Plastic said:

I'm glad you understand what I'm talking about - it's like needing to do the Vulcan mind transference   "Remember".  

" Your mind to my mind... your thoughts to my thoughts..." and quite a few of us Aspie types do appreciate a good read, and your writings do make for good readings and conversations quite obviously.

Plastic said:

It's feels like an overwhelming need for 'approval' - to lay out all my life, errors and successes to be judged by everyone as 'you did your very best against extreme adversity"

Well in terms of how people feel about their needing to share the summations of their lived experiences ~ that's obviously a different horses for different courses sort of thing, but as far as doing your very best against extreme adversity and all that ~ that is the aspie way as we have to go to far greater extents just to get by in life or even just to lag behind, I mean blimey.

Just being communicatively Aspie amongst other Aspies though so very much a state of approval in it's own right ~ what with getting to fit in with misfits likewise and otherwise being essential social oxygen to the previously deprived, where we get to facilitate, identify and affirm each other's senses and sensibilities like in some cases as never before.

Plastic said:

"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain"

Do otherwise perhaps than to become just as a drop merging back into the ocean of consciousness in time to come ~ but leave also your written history in a more complete sense to become further threads in the very much richer for it tapestry of life for others too. It helps so much, most especially if you want to too! :-)

thanks

I'm glad you understand what I'm talking about - it's like needing to do the Vulcan mind transference   "Remember".     

It's feels like an overwhelming need for 'approval' - to lay out all my life, errors and successes to be judged by everyone as 'you did your very best against extreme adversity"

"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain"