Still Here

What do you think of your life, as you look back on it? Of course you may be here for another 20 years so it may be too early, but I wondered about your opinion.

Hiya

I definitely won't be here in 2 years - this cancer is always fatal and the chemo is the limiting factor - when my body gives up. I will die.   I will fight to the end.

While not trying to 'big myself up', I have burned the candle at both ends.     I identify strongly with Roy Batty.     "I have done things you people would not believe!"

I feel very, very cheated of the life I have worked so hard to create.    I've said before, I was months away from 'Life 2.0' and it's all been snatched away.

I spent most of my life oblivious to how very different I was to everyone else - blindly performing technical miracles 'for the greater good' without any recognition - while actually being used and manipulated by those benefiting from my achievements.

I remember every detail of my life - like looking at a huge array of photos.- It's frustrating to not be able to share the highlights and extremes with everyone..    

Never say never. I had a patient once who was riddled with bowel cancer spread to his liver, proven on excision biopsy. He sold up and went on a world cruise, went on some weird diet, finished the cruise, went on anothe selling all and was still OK. I saw him when admitted to hospital for tests after the cruises and there was NO EVIDENCE of his cancer!  Miracle or weird.....

Never say never. I had a patient once who was riddled with bowel cancer spread to his liver, proven on excision biopsy. He sold up and went on a world cruise, went on some weird diet, finished the cruise, went on anothe selling all and was still OK. I saw him when admitted to hospital for tests after the cruises and there was NO EVIDENCE of his cancer!  Miracle or weird.....

Yes, look at Stephen Hawking, he was only given 2 years or so and ended up living to a ripe old age!

Hi Dave

I have a mass the size of my hand on the peritoneal wall - roughly where me left elbow touches my abdomen - there's lots of secondaries all along the transverse colon - like Christmas tree lights on the PET scan.  

I have many pulmonary embolisms in both lungs.     

They say it's currently inoperable but I'm getting a second opinion next week.     I'm up for anything weird or experimental - ideally to help me, but if it helps others, all the better.    

I'm young, strong and I have the ability to power through adversity - they say that is an advantage.

If, by some miracle, I survive another couple of years and the cancer is controlled enough, there is a very high-risk operation - with just a 50/50 survival rate - which will chop practically everything out - bowel, pancreas, perineal sack etc. - and hot chemo fluid is poured into the cavity - but I'm not convinced that 'living' after all that would be a life worth having.