Inappropriate Social Greetings!

I'm going to have to try to find a clip of this :-)

Ah bless him! It seems as though your dad has long since resigned himself to things always being the way they are! It's a shame that you can't make direct contact with him more easily. Though I have heard of this issue with some mobile phones, one of my sister-in-laws can neither send or receive text messages, so we use facebook messenger instead. Is your dad able to use WhatsApp?

No worries! I never specified that this one was a light hearted thread. I was just aware of my own social inappropriateness by way of a random 'greeting' and thought that I'd share it on here as I was sure that others on here may have experienced similar.

Don't worry about the delayed response, the forum is loading really slowly for me at the moment!

Amazing inventions aren't they, those little gift bags!? Whoever invented them should be given a knighthood!

That's such a shame that the University caving club couldn't have provided some more challenging caves for you to explore to keep your interest! Universities do some good clubs though don't they, and usually at very competitive prices? I did fencing for a term when I was at University, that was good fun, but you get so hot inside those fencing costumes! I've moved on to Archery now! 

I used to 'self medicate' with alcohol if I went on a night out once or twice a week but not every day. Did you manage to stop self medicating?

Oddly, though it would never have occured to me that I might be dyspraxic, I'm not clumsy and don't break things, but I also have a bad habit of frequently obtaining bruises by bumping into random things around the house! Usually stair gates or low cabinets, yesterday I shut my hand in my daughter's boyfriend's car, as I misjudged where my hand was, it's a little bit swollen today but no longer hurting so should be fine by tomorrow. Maybe we should both put bumpers on the corners of all of the furniture in our houses!?

It's much more interesting than the standard 'hello, how are you!'. What type of things do you say when you greet people?

I very often say things like this. I find it much more interesting and can't see why people get offended by it!

No he's still the same! Sometimes I feel sorry for my dad, other times incredibly frustrated with him and let down too. I'm sure he's undiagnosed ASD, he's had family and occasional friends taking the ****ss out of him for decades, been abused(as in taken for a ride) by people he trusts without question, and has been constantly "babied" by my mother (which is a whole 'nother story). So now I see him as pretty resigned to life continuing in the same vein; he just accepts that people will fail to understand or react with mild amusement / frustration and he doesn't care. He *says* he's happy though, and he's always believed that everything is everyone else's fault, so perhaps he's OK. My frustration is that I don't get to communicate with him without going through my mother, who I would rather not communicate with as often as she wants. His damned phone for some reason doesn't register my texts, so I have to call or ask mum via text to ask him something.

Sorry that was a bit deep for a light-hearted thread!

I don't know whether it's me or the forum software but I'm missing lots of replies at the moment - only saw this one 5 days later!

Yes I've discovered gift bags as a good work-around! I hate wrapping too (especially as I'm often doing it on Xmas eve and my wrapping will exist for less than 24 hours). With gift bags, open the top, drop the gift in, maybe tape the top shut, BOOM! Collect all the bags the day after, use them again next year.

On the cards - precisely :-). 

If my mother and ex father in law are typical examples, many people use a collection of Xmas cards as a measure and evidence of their popularity and it gives them bragging rights and/or shores up their self esteem. I don't want to play in that game at the expense of a lot of cardboard and money.

Sounds like over analysing things

It's been a long time now since I did any caving, and I'm nothing like as fit as I was back then. It was a University club that I used to go with, though I carried on for quite a while after I dropped out of Uni. Unfortunately that left me being one of the few members with enough experience to lead trips, which although it could be very rewarding, ground me down in the end - there were too few other people willing to take on the responsibility. Doing the same few "beginner friendly" caves over and over again with a new bunch of freshers every year rather sapped my enjoyment of it, and the "studenty" social side of the club wasn't something I was much good at even when I had been a student myself (all the harder because I was trying to stop "self-medicating" with alcohol around that time).

As for wearing padding around the house - that's definitely the dyspraxia. I gather so many scrapes and bruises thanks to my uncoordinated stumbling around that I'm convinced that furniture and door-frames are sentient and have it in for me! 

I must admit that I don’t really see the point in Christmas cards, I get the sentiment but not the point! That and wrapping presents! I hate wrapping presents! Luckily many people that I know appear to feel the same way and use gift bags instead, so I save all of the gift bags and recycle them as and when :-)

Sadly, I believe the whole “how are you doing?” thing to be largely an airy fairy construct where you’re just expected to play along in order to fit in socially.

I personally would respond by asking someone ‘how they are’ back because when I ask it, I do want to know the honest answer and if someone were to respond that they weren’t doing too well,  then I would enquire a bit further and try to help them if I was able to. But that’s just me.

That seems like a good response and it’s reciprocal too which tends to go down well with most people

You’re welcome! I do ‘get’ the paradox thing. I’ve always had slightly shakey hands, though not as bad as when I was younger, my poor Nan always used to have at least a bit of her tea in the saucer by the time that I’d carried it upstairs to her but yet, I’m able to do really fine beadwork that actually requires a really high level of fine motor skill, somehow! Do you still do caving? Why would you wear the knee/elbow pads in the house?

I can't remember any specific times I've done that but I very definitely have had that MANY times, by now my friends who have known me long enough just expect it.

And I 100% agree on the cards! 

A. If you are going to see them to hand it over you don't need it, say it then

B. Even if you aren't going to see them ring them or email, why send them something they'll read once then either bin or store with 1000s of others.

I always find this weird as well, hear everybody around me in work saying "how was your night? good good" clearly not having listened to the response and I keep thinking everytime "why did you ask if you don't care". I seriously think it's stuff like that which is to blame for my last of answering questions about myself properly as I assume it's more politeness and they don't actually care. Then you get into that whole crap of is it not polite to not ask them questions back even if you don't want to know?

Kitsune said:

I think it's really impressive, given that you have dyspraxia, that you managed to achieve bass playing, caving and rock climbing! Well done!

Aah, thank you. As I said, my dyspraxia is pretty mild, and somewhat paradoxical - I seem to be OK with even fine control once I've conditioned myself to have a muscle memory for something; it's when I have to think my actions through or use my other senses as well that I seem to struggle the most (so the learning can be painfully slow sometimes, and I doubt I'll ever get the hang of touch screens!) To be honest, I was never a very good rock climber, which is part of the reason I took up caving - when you're dressed in a wet-suit and wellies, no-one expects you to be particularly graceful, and I've considered wearing the helmet and knee/elbow pads just to wander around the house sometimes!

I'm guessing that a 'rock climbing hold' might be a tad too much for a hand shake! I think it's really impressive, given that you have dyspraxia, that you managed to achieve bass playing, caving and rock climbing! Well done!

I'm not a naturally huggy person. I don't mind people giving me a hug hello but I'm not generally one to initiate it, so I tend to go with not hugging anyone unless they are the hugger! I do get what you mean though, I would be a bit offended if someone assumed that I didn't like being hugged and hugged everyone else apart from me. It's difficult though, if we don't feel comfortable enough to offer a hug to people! 

Anyone else have any ideas for this?

It can take a long time to work out that things do actually bother us; that we don't want to 'do' them anymore and manage to stand up to people about it. Especially when they have been used to us playing along for years!