Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello Everyone, I wanted to write a post which not anyway subjected to a topic by any mile, It just me off loading everything into one post to try and clear my mind and start fresh.
I had a challenging childhood growing up, I was put into foster care at young age then got adopted around age 6, I got my autism diagnoses slap bang in middle of this chaos and when Autism was a very rare condition and no one knew how to diagnoses it properly, so all the my childhood I kept finding I was hitting walls out there as my parent kept fighting for support for me and my behaviours was challenging as it would be amongst all the chaos that was going on around me. by time end of primary school came around I have been 4 different Primary Schools 3 Mainstream schools and 1 Special Needs school. also at this point in my life I was still being labelled as useless not going to be independent in life e.t.c.
Came around Secondary School which was a special need school from hell, I did not cope well in the first year by year 8 everything was changing at this point, my behaviours was still be challenging but it was at this point I noticed in myself something else was happening was getting emotions and thoughts about situations at out of my control, It like my body wanted to know what it feels like to be in wheelchair or in another students shoes. i can remember at first I didn't have to confidence or know who to talk to about this at the time.
I know by year 9 this situation was getting distracting in lessons as my body was still wanting to what it feels to be in other people shoes but the confidence started to come through, where in private I would use the disused bathrooms with bathroom aids to see what they was like e.t.c whith anyone knowing. but by this stage I had 2 years left at the lower school site and I need to start finding ways to see what it feels like to other people shoes. so I can remember once seeing what it like to see with a table push against me and the wall and other small stuff I can't remember at this point and I can actually remember once trying a plastic seat with a seat belt and some pelvic blocks.
In Year 10 and 11 things really ramped up for me with trying things and I started to settle down in lessons to, I can remember seeing what it feels like to one to one support in the pool, being visually impaired, being in a autism base classroom, wearing float belts, special needs beds briefly at my residential home, trying brail, seeing what it like to be blind while doing art for the full lesson. before leaving the school in year 11 there was one thing I really wanted to try was standing frames but never had the confidence so in my final year I would squeeze the padding to get an idea of how firm they are and this when I had interesting interaction with staff when they questioned what I was doing and I was to shy to say can I see what it like to be in one please.
In the upper part of the secondary school the learning centre things was semi calming down but I was still wanting try new things and also at this point I left the national curriculum behind to study horticulture which meant I could try new experiences e.t.c. I loved horticulture I could actually enjoy education for the first time and this when I started to try and learning BSL which only lasted a sort time.
In the last year and half I was on work placement at the local hospital trying new roles out there then this throw a new set of challenges which I was not excepting but I get through it somehow which went on to my getting a zero hour contract there until 2015 when I entered the world of retail and also this is the year I had my mental health crash and had really bad anxiety which led to it carrying for at least 4 years. Since leaving school I kept thinking about all the students shoes I didn't get to try and on top of that, I then wanted to see what it feels like to wear girls school uniform which inturn led to me battling a ongoing issues of my wanting to try everything under the and be in every single persons shoes trying out all sorts things and led me resorting to visually relief for now.
Also I think another why I wanted to try a standing frame is pressure therapy because the users are always snug in them and another thing I always I want to experience is every form of restraint available like the car harness for special needs and rope play
and for the last 5 years my self motivation has gone up and down and I still see the world as prerecorded and each day we are put on play.
I sometimes wish there was way in this world I could experience everything I mentioned I wanted try plus more and than all want to do is role play but adult version and that really hard to do adult role play with everyone thinking you are weird e.t.c and think this is main problem of my anxiety is my processing system not being allowed to fully express itself.
I could possibly go on and on with myself but I'm not really good with words and there something I still want to keep behind closed doors. I will more than happy to receive advice and answer any of your questions you may have or you have experience similar weirdty in your life
If you send a friend request (by going on Thejollygiant profile), you can start to DM once you're friends.
What happened in 2015/.....?
thank you
I had a look and it seems the main one is US based (I'm sure you would still be welcome but might be a bit US-centric). I just googled "adult adoptee support forum".
I know there are a few on Facebook. Have you heard of the Adoptees On podcast? They interview different adoptees each episode and there's a linked Facebook page there.
I've asked on twitter as I know some UK based adult adoptees so hopefully they will know more and I'll pass on anything I find out.
I think a few years ago there was very little in the way of support but happily, things are starting to change.
Can you recommend any forums that might be hopefully and is so I might post the same store over on there too
No, life certainly isn't fair but hopefully you can find a way to make the best of this one.
Have you considered contacting post adoption support for counselling? It sounds like you have a lot of really quite difficult memories where you didn't have your needs met. Or speaking to your GP about accessing therapy? Do you think your Mum would help you with that? It's now pretty standard that people who have been in care and/or adopted have therapy nowadays. Then you could be totally open and honest somewhere confidential.
Whatever you decide, I wish you well.
Hello, I didn't know there was a autism forum until recently, so I'm unaware of any adopted forums and I didn't use Twitter.
I would be great to let out this inner me which is scream to be let out.
With regards to my respite care, I can remember one night there was only me and another resident there that night and it was quite so I regretted not having the confidence to ask the staff if it was okay to sleep downstairs and to see what it feels like to have all my personal care and needs looked after like a disabled wheelchair user and sleeping with the bed sides up as that would of been a really scare but eye opening experience in itself.
Sometime life is not fair and I have already said to myself numerous times that in my next life I would love to be a girl next.
I haven't found a DM option.
Are you on any adoptee forums or follow any on twitter? There's quite a big community now building. Would be good to share what you've been through with others who understand. I'm so sorry you didn't receive any proper support. It really isn't fair.
I hope that by chatting on here you at least have an outlet and can sort out how you feel.
all my life it been one massive fight and I was always the last one to get support. with regards of Massages I have looked in to them but again it always off putting because I don't have condifence in do so because way my brain see things is that it always want to experience what female go through instead of the male side.
I never had any support after adapotion and the contact centre was not really my thing. I used to be really into people watching but that didn't end well in 2015. Is there way of privately messaging on this forum as I think it would go for us both to discuss more personal and indepth topics there instead
Adoption and advice has definitely come a long way. We were encouraged to let our 5/6 year old be spoon fed, rocked like a baby and be "born" from a blanket to try to fill in some of those gaps. It seems like possibly you missed a lot of sensory stuff and the closest you had was the special needs equipment, which you then weren't supposed to use. It's no wonder they've become so desirable.
I feel that as long as everyone involved is consenting and nobody is hurt, people should do what makes them happy.
Have you thought about going for a paid massage? I'm not talking "massage parlours" but a non-sexual one. Lots of people use them to relax and it sounds like your body is craving heavy pressure. When my daughter is really struggling emotionally, it makes a massive difference.
Did you have any therapy after you were adopted? This isn't related to what you said but I'm thinking if your Mum is a bit old fashioned, she may not have done things like Theraplay, play therapy and life story work with you. It's none of my business so feel free not to answer. I just know quite a few adult adoptees who never got the chance to really process the trauma they experienced. I wonder if this happens even more with people with special needs/autism.
Thank so much being really understanding, my mum is old and stuck in her ways, So I have to play the wait game and fantasist along the way.
I lacked confidence when I was young to seek advice and get premisson to try somemore situation which has led to some intresting dreams and fantasy ideas like going to back to a special need school for a week trying all the mobility aids and equiment and situation for the entire week. and even opening my own centre called the try den where any can come and roleplay in safe enviroment and try anything they wish.
when I get some freedom, I got defo get a girls school uniform to roleplay that and I have a really great idea for my own place, is to have a house with a loft space which I can use my own try den and decorated in a vintage and retro theme. I tend to watch alot of reality tv shows too.
There's definitely a taboo around autistic people having sexual thoughts and relationships but you're a human like everyone else - it's totally normal. I would say there's a big difference between what I like to fantasise about and what I actually am comfortable with in real life. So where for example you're really interested to know how quite extreme situations would be (prison etc) I suspect maybe in real life you wouldn't enjoy it? No harm at all in imagining it though and maybe if you wanted to role play that with a person you trust in the future.
Sensory needs are massive in adopted people so multiply that by the sensory needs of an autistic person!! With my daughter we do loads of heavy pressure stuff - often actually sitting on her, deep massage, piling layers of heavy blankets on her. We find it really calms her and makes her feel safe. Do you still live with parents? Would they be able to buy you a weighted blanket? Or give you some massages?
As for clothes, it's madness that there are certain clothes that aren't "acceptable". How sad that you have to hide it. I guess it depends on how others might react.
Thank you so much, I'm currently creating a online dictionary about stores that well women clothes for the feature when I do live on my own. One experience i didn't share but was one of my realisation that it was pressure things was when I tried a wheelchair out in respite and it had vest type harness on it and ankle cuffs and during my brief time in it, I felt restircated but the same time getting a big hug. also I tried a special need stroller or chair with a additional straps added to prevent user escaping and being Houdini.
I just wish the world was more open and accepting to autism and allow autistic adults to at least try things out like a role play and also for Men to wear women clothes as for decades it been acceptable for women to wear mens clothing.
I know over the last 6 years, I have had urges to see what it feels like to be in a Abulance, Prisoner Transport Van, Prison, Police Cell and what it would to be in youth prison on suicide watch and over in america what it would of been like to be in restraint chair wearing them silly spit hoods. but I know they are far from reality. i think sometime what is with autism it kind of preparing techinique so they what it would feel like if it ever happened. also I'm into bdsm not because kink but just curiosity why someone would go down relationship line. I'm being very brave coming out in the open on here because I know it a safe enviroment and every here to support everyone
This is so interesting to read. Thank you for sharing. I'm an adoptive parent. I wonder if some of the need to try different support could be an attachment/sensory thing? My child loves hard pressure and loves being "babied" when she needs it. Being in care you must have missed a lot of those early experiences so totally normal to want to have them now.
As a kid I was always fascinated to know what it would be like to be a boy. It's easier for a female to wear "male" clothes so I was able to try that out openly. I still prefer short hair and t-shirt and jeans. I've read it's quite common for autistic people not to fit neatly into gender stereotypes.
I'm sorry to hear your anxiety has been bad. I would say though that getting through college and working is a massive achievement after everything you've been through.
Yes I agree with you that one, I waiting until I live on my own where I can try female clothes e.t.c and art I don't have the patience and I did mention a art lesson
there's a whole world inside you which is screaming to get out -- not once have you mentioned art -- have you tried painting / drawing ?